24th December 2008

Unexpected Friends, Flattery & Favors 1 reply

When I got pregnant earlier this year, I envisioned that I’d have a change in friends potentially.  As many mused that my life would change entirely, I mused back that was okay.  At the end of my fascinating day of travels around the world, I was still coming home to a lot of pets, basically, and that was about it.  So, I was ready to come home to family.  Don’t get me wrong - I love my pets - but 2007 was a year of care-giving to older pets and I was ready for a human challenge. 

When I got pregnant and began to announce it to the world, through emails and blogging, I received unexpected support from some clients who I’d like to think I’d call my friends.  They have become friends.  It’s always interesting to me when you have friends for years, but when you bring a child into the world, some of those friends may not be into “baby” or anything about baby.  In fact, they may be far removed from your baby world and in fact, are a bit annoyed by it all.  Yes, in most cases these would be single people who do not have children.  So, it won’t surprise you when I say that these people aren’t in the “unexpected support group”.  I’d also say that from my family members, the unexpected support group came from my sisters-in-law, whom I’ve not been particularly close to, but they have been incredibly supportive and have reached out in a variety of ways.  I have newfound respect for my older brother’s wife as she came here for a week to help me at the hospital, and the first couple of days at home.  You get to see so much when you spend a week with someone, but even moreso when you are ill or incapable of doing much - how does the other person react to you?  You can judge alot by that person’s reaction or support of you during your worst times.  My sister-in-law Lilly was amazing! 

Perhaps what has surprised me most, as business colleagues and clients go, is the undying support I’ve received from some of my clients for my decision to have a baby on my own.  I’m not just talking about packages in the mail - or those that were dropped off at my office - because there have been an abundance of those - I’m talking about emails, text messages and phone calls, as well as some whom have even flown out to visit me for a few days, all in support of Melina and I. 

Some women whom I barely know have contacted me about my decision to have a child on my own, through fertility, and shared their own personal stories about trying to do the same thing, once, and giving up.  Hearing that I’m an “inspiration” to some of these women who desperately want family, but have opted for careers and then sought family later in life to no avail, feels good.  It’s hard work - it’s soul-searching - it’s in fact- soul drenching - You have to drench your soul with this - it has to be all-encompassing - and you have to be ready to make some serious sacrifices - and take some serious risks - to try to have a child on your own.  You have to surrround yourself with positive energy sources, in the form of friends, reading, music, and spirituality, and yes, I mean both the God-kind and the candle-yoga kind.   Network your cause through your female and male friends - as you would work a room - because you’re going to need every single one of these people to help you become a single mom.

What I would say is this in terms of acting as an inspiration to others - of whatever age they may be - I can remember a variety of times in my life where I worked really hard at something to attain a particular goal.  There were times that those goals were not attained due to someone holding me back for whatever reason, good or bad.  But when no one could stop me from working hard at attaining some particular goal - and I mean no one - then I always attained that goal if I worked my butt off (which is hard because it’s big).  ;-)

I always found that at the end of the tunnel, at the end of the journey - the success was sweeter because I had fought hard to get there - and there was always an amazing sacrifice to get there.  If I look back on my 40 years, the goals achieved always had some helpers along the journey - some of whom served a purpose for just that journey - and in fact I have no idea where they are now, or in some cases - don’t even know their names.  For whatever reason, though, I have been lucky enough to receive a lot of help along this particular fertile path of having a child on my own.  I continue to receive a lot of help. 

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t had a lot of help for that 2 a.m. feeding, that hourly feeding 24/7, or the stamina to keep your body upright when it’s 140% exhausted.  But I’ve had help in so many ways from so many people that I owe all of you a lot.

Just in the past few days, here are some of the people that have helped me, or done something for me, all in support of Melina and I, and my journey to be a single mom:

Christopher - weekly grocery run, walk the dog, anything else I need

Tamara - daily dog walk, scoop cat boxes, feed cats and dog

MaryAnne - neighbor - brought me a little Christmas Evergreen tree - for some greenery today

Darlene & Collin Street Bakery - have you been reading my blogs to know that I’m exhausted and eating all kinds of wierd things that require no preparation?  Thanks for the pecan cake sampler, and the incredible coffee - I love that coffee!!!  I’ve eaten that pecan cake with my left hand while holding Melina at odd hours of the night in my right hand.  I’ve enjoyed coffee again, for the past few days, since your unexpected package arrived.

Jessica - called to say she wanted to drop something off from the office (Jenna and Jessica) for Christmas

Anna - said something really nice on her blog about me - really nice - in fact so nice I think it’s a first, and might even be the “last” ;-) thank you Anna.

Tara - wrote me to say she wanted to get a picture of her holding Melina - she wants it for her screensaver -

Rich - wrote me to say something nice about the birth celebration announcement in Sunday’s paper

Dad - took two of Melina’s photos and put captions on them, one of which is so good that colleagues said I should use it for marketing

Linda - from Playtex - who sent me Playtex bottles, drop-ins, liners, etc - I really do like those bottles and am now preferring them over Avent and Medela - thank you!

Lynnette - that personalized frame you sent me - thank you - as if the first package of goodies wasn’t enough - what a personal touch and how much time you take to acknowledge my journey with Melina - as a career mom of two beautiful girls - you are an inspiration to me!

Numerous clients and colleagues and even one of the OSU deans, who wrote about Melina’s photos -all saying such nice things

Beth - helped me with some business items, getting Melina’s birth announcement taken care of, and has frequently checked in on me

Susan - who not only drove out here to help me for a few days - continues to phone-stalk me at times to make sure I’m okay

April & her family - fixed dinner, made a grocery run, and sent me home with some dinner goodies - and this is what she’s done just in the past few days - but has done more than any other friend I’ve known for years - and I’ve only reconnected with her in the past year - a business colleague - and yet, she’s done so much for me - and welcomed me to her entire family - thank you April, Garry, Sophie and Peggy. 

Kristi - how could I leave you out?  You’ve read my blog entries tirelessly, supported my blog entries by offering feedback on product suggestions, and supported me in so many ways - another former client of mine.

Elaine - not only as a client, but as an industry colleague - you’ve checked on me numerous times, offered your support, sent me packages of goodies, and always, always made sure I was okay personally before we turned to business topics on every call.

These are just people that have checked in on me the last four days or so - and it’s been 10 months of pregnancy and one month post-partum.  So thank you - all of you - who’ve been so incredible to me not just in the past few days, but in the past 11 months.  Your support is often unexpected and greatly, greatly appreciated.  It will be hard to pay you back in the ways you’ve helped me - but I hope to have the opportunity to pay it forward, if not to you directly, then in some way, some day.

One Response to “Unexpected Friends, Flattery & Favors”

  1. Kristi says:
    December 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am

    I’m SO happy you have such a wonderful support system. SO GLAD to read about all the wonderful things people are doing for you! It’s karma, baby! It’s paying you back!

    Have a WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS! Next time you come down to Laguna Beach we will have a playdate! ;-)

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