8th December 2008

Sleep - An Intangible Gift When With a Newborn Child 1 reply

It’s December 8th, 2008 - the actual due date of Melina Francis.  I’m very glad I’m two weeks into this journey of bringing up baby Melina.  It’s possible that some of the challenges she’s had in the past two weeks (jaundice, breastfeeding, formula spitting up, ultrasound on sacral dimple, ruling out spina bifida, not gaining enough weight at two weeks, review of possible tethered cord) could be related to her two week early arrival.  Who knows. 

We went to the doctor asking God prior to our arrival for good news, no bad news, and the ability to focus on breastfeeding, sleeping, pooping and peeing - and nothing else.  We got just that. Doc says that she could end up with a tethered cord as she grows, however, no need for further studies right now.  In my heart and mind, I know we’re going to be back at the L1 and L2 spinal cord issue potentially within a year, but we’re able to focus on the basic things in life right now and that works for me.  I am thankful that the only issues I’m dealing with tonight, are wondering if we’ll be awake all night again.

Melina likes to be held.  When she’s being held, she falls asleep usually immediately, or within 10 or so minutes.  Since I don’t want to put her at risk for one of the top two baby killers (SIDS, and suffocation by adults sleeping with babies, rolling over on them or otherwise inadvertently suffocating them), I have to figure out a way to adjust to her schedule, temporarily.  The witching hour of 11 p.m. - 2 a.m. is not hard for me, an insomniac.  It’s reaching past that, and not being able to catch up on sleep throughout the day.  It means I’m not able to do certain things during the day I might have otherwise caught up on when she naps.  Last night I finally let her cry it out - after all - must I hold her 24/7?  Somehow I’m thinking that is not exactly practical.  Doc says yes, if that’s what it takes, perhaps feed her more, that it’s too early to let her cry it out.  At three months, yes, possibly let her cry it out, but not right now.  Okay, lesson learned. 

So tonight, I’ve just given her a bottle.  She’s happy beside me, with binky in reach, blanket over her legs, and awake in a seemingly content state of mind.  Managing my own sleep deprivation is the challenge now.  It’s absolutely impossible to “sleep when baby sleeps” even though it’s been said by many to me.  If I were to sleep when the baby slept, I’d have slept all night last night, when I was in my arms, I’d have slept on the way to doc, after the doc on the way home, for an hour in the car seat afterwards, right after feedings, and again, throughout the day with minor breaks. 

But who prepares her bottles, cleans them, pumps when possible, straightens up, prepares and feeds my own food, and prepares her for doc visit, cleans up?  I figure I have about an hour window to sleep, and she inadvertently wakens about the time my head hits the sack.  I get up, see what’s wrong, and then try again.  She rests, then wakes up - it becomes a cycle at this stage of life. 

Tonight, I’m going to try to rest early, and hope for three hours of sleep since we’ve just had a bottle (breastmilk, not wine silly goose).  It’s 11:30 p.m.  I reflect on my life at this time, compared to the last two years.  This is the first Chicago SES conference I’ve missed since 2002.  I’ve spoken at multiple sessions every year.  Two years ago, I was preparing for hosting a luncheon, sponsoring a dinner, and much more.  It was absolutely crazy busy.  I then returned to have surgery, and broke up with my then-boyfriend to prepare for a fertility journey that could not include him for a variety of reasons.  It was a lonely time.  Last year, after the Chicago conference, I journeyed to Buenos Aires and stayed at a friend’s apartment before heading out to Antarctica on my own.  I made new friends and had an incredible, yet risky journey to the ends of the earth to witness global warming and climate change, and the penguins’ plight. 

This year, my Christmas is as I would hope it would be - after two years of preparing for what I could only hope for - and that is this little tiny child to the left of me as I write this tonight.  I was afraid to dream of the future the past two weeks, as I just wanted to get this far with her, and know she was going to be okay, healthy.  Tonight, however, despite tough times ahead, economically, etc., I can dream of something simple for her - that I can give her many years of Christmas holidays to celebrate, that I can demonstrate the true spirit of Christmas as Christians, that we can celebrate Mother and Child in the basic ways. 

I have a family this Christmas - and for that, I thank God.

One Response to “Sleep - An Intangible Gift When With a Newborn Child”

  1. susan shepherd says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 11:34 pm

    Laura you are doing brilliantly. I know we discussed co-sleeping when I was out there. And I know you have said that you don’t feel comfortable with it. But perhaps there is an in-between way where Melina can be closer to you to feel your warmth yet stil be safe and you could have easier access to her for those night feedings. I slept on a large bed with my kids with just one pillow for my head and blankets for me. They were swaddled in there own blanket at arms reach from me with no pillows by the baby’s head or blankets pulled up near baby’s face and we slept beautifully together. When it was time to nurse because baby awoke I reached out and nursed and we settled right back to sleep - no getting up. Just snugly warm. Here is a couple of links regarding co-sleeping which is done all over the world.

    http://sids-network.org/experts/slpbby.htm

    And here is another way that makes it safe.

    A cosleeper to keep baby safe.

    http://pregnancy.about.com/od/gettingreadyforbaby/tp/aatp110502a.htm

    And yes each child now sleeps happily in their own beds and even though I used the binky to comfort them at night, the each gave up their binkys long before the were 1 year olds. Probably before 6 months…

    Of course you know what is best for you and Melina and whatever you choose will be best for you both. She is lovely and when Ian saw the pictures, he said she is going to be a beautiful little girl one day.

    Thanks for the letting me come out to help. I’m always just a phone call, drive or plane ride away if you need me.

    Hugs to you both.

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