24th November 2009

One Year Young - Melina & Mommy Time

This is my last entry of First Year of Raising Baby Girl.  It is the eve of Melina’s first birthday.  It’s really now 3 a.m. as I finish this entry after working for nearly 3 hours on catch up projects with a client/vendor.

Melina is spending her first birthday with Roseola rash, preceded by what is likely a case of H1N1.  Children’s Hospital is unable to confirm H1N1, however, last Wednesday Melina began to feel warm.  I heard the first cough as I picked her up from a friend’s house.  By Thursday night the fever spiked to 103.5.  Then Friday evening, it spiked again to 103.6.  Screaming bouts became the norm, and her cough worsened. 

My pediatrician expressed concern about H1N1 and pneumonia.  She recommended Elderberry (Sambucos).  Her cough was and is occasional, and as many coughs are worse at night, hers is the same.  She suggested if things did not improve by mid-afternoon on Saturday, when the Elderberry would have opportunity to work on Melina’s immunity, to get a chest x-ray and rule out pneumonia.

After  a little reading up on pneumonia and H1N1, as well as Elderberry and learning that Elderberry might have an issue with pneumonia, and one article about a parent thinking their 5 year old daughter just had a cold, and were now grieving the loss of their child, I was up at 4 a.m. consoling Melina and deciding to get her ready to take into the hospital.  I figured why wait until mid-day to see if that fever were to come down?

 When you see your child begin to no longer register, no longer look at you, and stare into space and become listless, it was time to take serious action.  I never want to be a parent who listened to some who dismiss this as nothing, or another time where “kids get sick, I’m sure she’ll be fine”.  The fact is that we say these things to try to make others feel better.  What else can we say?  But I knew taking Melina at 6:30 a.m. downtown was the right thing to do.  As I drove and watched her in my rearview mirror, I became more nervous watching her.  She had her eyes open, but was silent, and the eyes registered nothing.

It was simply scary. 

They gave me recommendations to alternate Tylenol and Motrin, and to increase dosage based on her latest weight.  It worked.  Her fever came down by Saturday evening, but the cough worsened and screaming continued.  I’m so lucky that Melina does not have that type of personality.  But it is earth-shattering when that happens.  I bought and ate an entire box of chocolates in three days.  Reminded me of the first six weeks of having Melina.  I didn’t dare have a glass of wine, but the chocolate was probably just as bad for her, as yes, I’m still nursing twice to three times a day. 

As of this evening, while I was nursing her after getting out for just five hours and trying to fit in work and a rather long eye doctor appointment, I noticed a rash.  It wasn’t just on her tummy - it was everywhere and red.  I recalled it being there slightly the other morning.  The nurse at Children’s pointed it out to me. It was very slight.  But now, it was increasingly angry.  Perhaps this is why she was screaming so much.

I talked to the doctor and she said it was likely Roseola.  It fit with the high temperature. 

I’ve been up around the cl0ck for many days, recovering sleep with baby slept.  She is now starting to sleep much better, but tonight I noticed she looked out of it after having Tylenol.  The doc said Roseola can cause muscle aches, head aches and other pain.  I wondered if 4 ml was too much, or if it was just how she felt.  She did not cry at all tonight going to bed.  She just went to sleep.  She did not talk.  She did not chirp.  She did nothing.  It’s 3 a.m. and I’ve checked on her hourly while I’ve worked on overdue projects. 

She apparently is sleeping well from the Tylenol, I hope, I pray.

But as I went downstairs earlier tonight and picked up the birthday gift wrap and tissue paper, I laid down on the floor and prayed to God.  I thanked him for this moment.  To think where I was a year ago.  To think that this is my life as I looked around my living room.  A bookcase filled with books for Melina, Baby Einstein DVDs, books on how to care for your child, toys, a pack n play, a brand new “car” walker, an exersaucer, and tissue wrap, opened gifts, and cards. 

The “BEST” part of my night, watching her try to throw her clothes around, thrashing them back and forth up in the air, then get up, and crawl with sticky fingers and torn up tissue paper on her hands.  She quickly crawled away and squealed in delight as I “chased” her on all fours down the hallway.

This is my life with Melina, the good part.  This is why when she goes quiet, and stares off into space, it scares me and I pray she is okay, and is on the mend, and I can just say “has she ever had Roseola” - check yes. 

I am thankful for this first year of raising my baby girl.  I am in awe.  I am challenged.  I am stretched thin.  I have aged older, yet younger all at once.  I am poorer, financially, but richer spiritually.  I am a fulfilled woman.  I am at times rather haggard looking.  But I feel like our life is exactly all I could have possibly dreamt of, and am thankful God allowed me to have this wonderful young girl in my life.

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