28th February 2009

Normalcy Resumes - Motherhood is a Game of Resourcefulness & Efficiency

Yesterday, Melina went to her first funeral.  I’ve attended few funerals in my life, thankfully, but this funeral was different because I was taking my daughter to a former boyfriend’s grandmother’s funeral.  I dated him in my 20’s for ten years.  We never married, but thought we would at one time.  I was very close to his family during the time we dated.  We’ve stayed in touch over the years.  He’s since married and divorced.  He’s now with another woman.   I had not seen his family in nearly ten years.  So Melina and I travelled out to Newark, Ohio for the funeral. 

I sat with Melina in the back of the church.  I looked at the family that filled several aisles towards the head of the church where the casket lay.  I saw how the three brothers all looked a little older.  I watched one of the granddaughters with her 6-month old daughter.  I remembered how she was just a kid when I was over at my boyfriend’s grandmother’s house for Christmas.  How was it now that she was old enough to be married and have a kid?  It was so wierd to see her bouncing her baby, in her church clothes with white stockings and white shoes.  It reminded me of when I was a kid, and dressing up for church on Sundays.  It reminded me of when Mom had to keep us quiet in church, which was always a bit of a challenge with three kids.  I thought of how time passes - so quickly - thinking of my own childhood, to the time I had with Christopher and his family - and how his cousin now had a young baby. 

Melina was great the entire time she was in church.  I had previously worried about taking her to church, wondering if she’d cry, have a meltdown, or who knows what, perhaps just a way of procrastinating from going to church.  It’s always the first time you take your baby some place new that you are nervous.  However each time, there have been few or no issues and I look back afterwards and wonder why I was so apprehensive.  Each time I experience something new with Melina, I feel like I’m resuming stages of normalcy.  I’m experiencing the first stages of motherhood and loving it.  I am in awe of experiencing life and how others interact with you when you have a child, or perhaps a newborn baby.

Back at the church, while everyone went to the burial site, I remained behind with Melina and looked at the pictures of Marjorie, Christopher’s grandmother, and how she looked in her various life stages as wife, mother, grandmother, and even great-grandmother.  I realized how much Marjorie’s granddaughter looked like her decades ago, when her grandmother was young.  We had lunch with Christopher’s mom and step-mom.  I’ve always felt so at ease with them.  Marian doted on Melina and held her.  She offered to make Melina a quilt and asked what colors I’d like.  I told her anything but pink.  I had enough pink.  Melina fell asleep on Marian’s chest and was entirely at peace in her arms.  I therefore was content, feeling normal, like I could be this mother I had always dreamt about.  People took pictures - and people wanted Melina in the picture with them, increasing my feelings of normalcy, where Melina was included amongst family, even though this wasn’t really my family, but it could have been and once was at one point. 

It seemed odd to be in Newark and not see Grandma Henthorne.  I wondered if everyone would convene for holidays now that Marjorie and Earl were both gone.  They were the mainstay for holidays - she was a good person - a really good person. 

Melina and I left and returned to Columbus.  I was exhausted.  We both napped and then I returned to work, and to catch up on projects left unattended during the day.  Motherhood is a never-ending journey where you learn to be efficient in all walks of life, to fit it all in.  As we take our first steps of this journey together, while it can be a bit challenging at times, and stressful, it is a good journey and one I cannot imagine having missed.  It will all pass so quickly - there are days where I think before I know it she will be walking, riding a tricycle, and then I jump to seeing her in highschool, college and beyond.  Will I get the chance to be a grandmother having started so late in life?  Questions I don’t worry about - but they cross my mind when I see someone else’s life captured in pictures. 

I need to check on my sweet sleeping baby - and capture the quiet moments, and make use of the time I have to catch up on everything else that got left behind during the day, or the week that has so quickly passed us by.

Leave a Reply

To reply to this article, please enter your name and write your comment in the textbox below. Some HTML tags are allowed, but others will be stripped if you enter them in your comments.

You must be logged in to post a comment.

More from Laura Thieme: