3rd February 2009

Identifying with Dr. Cuddy on House - Balance of the Working Mother

I love my daughter.  I love holding her.  I love watching her.  I love hearing her toot-toot at the funniest times.  I love seeing her grow.  I get excited when she shows me her first smiles, and for the first time responds to hearing her name.  I love producing food for her now - because I can.  I’m not as thrilled about the diaper and wardrobe changes, or my own for that matter, but I can get over that. 


Melina Sacked out at Northstar with Mommy
2/09

I also love my brain and what it does for my clients, despite how egotistical that might sound.   I am thankful for a brain that solves problems and figures things out (that at times no one else can).  My brain earns a little more money than I can as a babysitter, or Mom at home.  I enjoy solving problems - although at times I get frustrated with the problem at hand - or the responsibility that it brings as I try to hand it off to others so I can be a Mom) but it’s what pays the bills around here.  I’m getting to the point where I need part-time help here so I can do more with work.  And thus, comes the challenges of a woman who wants to be a Mom, and is responding to the natural desire to be a Mom, but also must work, or needs to be mentally challenged in some other way than stay at home.

 In the first year, there are so many first discoveries for both of us, simultaneously, that I don’t want to miss them.  You’d think I’d want to get out of this maddeningly disorganized house - whew - who knew so much could pile up and you’d have to get used to looking at things left undone in order to take care of a baby.  Sleep trumps organization, work trumps sleep, eating healthy gets trumped by interruptions and schedule, baby trumps all, and so the list goes on.


Melina Just Beginning to Wake Up

 So, as I have grown to enjoy watching House on Fox, I can identify with Dr. Cuddy (spelling?) as she tries to be a Mom, in addition to doing a job at the hospital that no one else can.   Her house was overly disorganized - she’s embarrassed - yet how I can relate.  She’s trying to do it all.  Be a Mom, clean, work, or a little bit of everything - and yes, on her own.

My job requires a tremendous amount of thinking - in order to solve people’s problems in where few others can.  It’s like House - or Hugh Laurie’s character.  He researches, tests, but in the end - the problem is solved when he thinks of something novel - and realizes the answer is right in front of him, sometimes a rather simple answer that cures the patient.  At times, I have been criticized by a select few people for over-thinking however, that is what I do every day to run a business - constantly thinking out solutions for a million different things - to survive and to thrive on several different levels.

And, that is what’s hard - to hand off to someone else - because very few people have to solve other people’s intricate technical search engine problems all day long - and those of us that do - have to figure out solutions to things that are novel everyday.  There is no one solution for any of these problems.  So, I can at times think as I try to balance clients, account management, employees, vendors, product development, industry changes, colleague networking, new technology updates, along with a diaper and wardrobe change, and adaptation to a baby’s sleep schedule - that I am ready for the babysitter to arrive any moment.  And then, I realize that it’ll be the first time I hand my child over to someone else and trust that they do even half a good as job as me taking care of her.  Or, worse yet, what if they do a better job?  Will I be jealous?  Will my child be okay?  Yea, lots of questions here.

So, I can not procrastinate much longer - I need to find someone who’s certified, registered, comes with great ratings, and that will work four hours a day, three to four days a week, so I can focus on Biz during that time.  However, I also want babysitter and daughter with a hand’s reach and thus, at my office or home, where I am until she gets a little older.  Mathematically, it makes sense - it’s a no-brainer.  But emotionally, it is hard as hell - to entrust your child’s care to another.  As mothers, we naturally want to be with our children that we have birthed from our wombs - we want to be there, to nurture.  I don’t want to miss a moment.  I want to be present in her life.  I want to enjoy, to savor, to love.  She is such a gift to me from God.  I am so lucky - but I also must work to provide for us. 

Tis the challenge of the working Mom - and as I have watched the last few episodes of House - I can truly relate to Dr. Cuddy’s struggle of what it’s like to want to be a Mom, and at the same time, have to work.

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