Sometimes An Extended Family Can Be Better than Your Real Family

Shhhh.  Taboo subject here.  You know?  I’m feeling very lucky right now.  I don’t have the best family relations with my mom or dad - or brothers - as a couple of them are not exactly in support of the pregnancy or the baby I’ve chosen to have on my own, or me in general.  I don’t blame them as at times we hardly know each other for the lack of understanding me or what I’m all about - that’s the challenge of living 500 miles apart and seeing each other once a year, on average.  My brothers have travelled the world as Marines, and it’s hard to stay in touch with them, or connect with them on most levels.  My sisters in law whom are married to my brothers - well conversation seems to come easier - as they both are working towards helping me through this pregnancy in different ways.  There is an understanding amongst women, I think, that needs not to be explained further.  Through them, I am feeling connected in some way to my family and I thank them for that.  However, events in your life, elected or not, can sometimes affect one’s opinion of what you’re doing, right or wrong, and it can get blown out of proportion if you are 500  miles apart.  When you are near someone, and they see personally what you are going through, good or bad, they can judge it far more accurately.  It’s those that you surround yourself with on a daily basis that really get to know you in all scenarios.  They are in reality, your extended family, regardless of any blood ties.  And I’m very lucky to have such a large extended family.

For my baby shower a couple of weeks ago, I was surrounded by an “inner circle” that I’m going to call my extended family.  These are people that I hold very close to my heart, mind, and challenges experienced over the past 15 or so years.  They are people that I’ve met in business in most cases, although it’s my business that affords me to meet other interesting people as well, including some of the people that pamper me afterhours, like the ladies of Mario Tricocci salon at Easton Town Center.  I was also joined by my former boss at AEP.com, the one who saw me go through the whole poppy seed ordeal, and his new wife.  He was brave, because out of the five or so men invited to the baby shower, he was the only one who came to support me that day.  Thanks, Mark and Darla. 

If I was married, or had close family nearby, I’d likely lean on my husband, and/or them for more during pregnancy of course.  Instead, I have this wonderful extended family of friends, neighbors and work associates that I’ve become quite close to over the years.  There were 20+ people at Bon Vie two weeks ago, and they are all in great support of my desire to have a child.  Some of these people I’ve met through client relationships and over the years as they invited me into their personal lives, including their childrens’ lives, they have strongly encouraged me to not forget my desire to have a child.  And so, as I pursued this desire through fertility treatments earlier this year, it is these people that I chose to have around me at the shower.  Positive energy is all good amongst your chosen-elected extended family.  Negative energy from others is not such a good thing.  Especially when you’re having a little baby whose innocent in all this inside of you, depending on you for healthy growth and good energy.

After the baby shower, which was quite delightful, some of the women came up to me, or called me later to say they were amazed at how strong the women in my life were - how intelligent, well-educated, nice, conversational - and enjoyable to meet.  I do enjoy being surrounded by strong women and men, for that matter.  Don’t get me wrong , it took a lot of courage for Mark to show up at the baby shower - but yet, he looked quite comfortable, perhaps proud. 

Almost every night I have someone stopping by to help me, or calling me to see how I’m doing, or offering something out of the blue.  Neighbors have painted my nursery in my absence, with Olympic zero whatever chemicals paint, my bathroom downstairs, an old antique dresser for the nursery.  It is almost complete with crib, glider/ottoman (the new version of the rocking chair), daybed, shelves, and adorable baby clothes from my extended family.  I have the beginning of Melina’s library, that clients and colleagues and neighbors have begun for me, upon request.  I’ll create a page of those books when I get the chance one day.

I’m beginning to feel like a large part of the nesting stage is complete.  It was important to me, as a single mother by choice, to complete a large part of the nursery, baby shower, and preparation by the beginning of the third trimester as you can never depend on anything or anyone to work out as you’ve planned.  I didn’t want to do this, anything about this baby, last-minute. 

Preparation at work is also neck-deep - to prepare for the baby.  My personal trainer, Sergei, has been working with me weekly since invitro treatments began early last Spring.  It is my salvation twice a week at times.  I feel protected right now - in fact - last weekend Hurricane Ike sent 75 mile wind gusts through my neigborhood, and town of Columbus.  My office neighborhood in Worthington has many trees uprooted (large trees) and about 7 people were killed in the state of Ohio by trees falling during this storm.  My house, my home, my office - was not touched.  Many around me have no power, some for a week - yet we also have not lost power for more than a couple of hours at a time.  Thank you God for your kindness here.  Friends continue to send wonderful baby gifts, through the mail, or by stopping by the office or house to share a gift or four (hee hee). 

Thank you extended family - I’ve always like the energy of a large family - and in many ways, I have just this - a large extended family of diverse, talented, special people in my life - to them - thank you for being my friends and my extended family.