29th May 2010

A Parent’s Fear

After becoming a parent, there are so many changes that take place in one’s thoughts, plans, and feelings.  Tonight I watched a movie with Clive Owen.  I don’t even know the name of it.  It’s on PPV Time Warner Cable.  Clive plays a father whose wife dies of cancer.  He has two sons, one by the wife who dies in the movie, and another from an earlier marriage.  It’s a touching movie that would pull on the heartstrings of any parent.

As a single parent, perhaps the greatest fear you have is wondering what would happen if you should die early, and beginning to plan if/when this happens how your child will be provided for.   As a business owner, I’ve often planned for the worst case scenario in many instances.  But as a mother, I’ve had a harder time planning for the worst case scenario.  It’s such a hard choice to determine who would raise your child in your absence.  I can out-think almost any scenario because no one would likely do the same or as good a job as me, right?  There is death by unforeseen situations, and then there is cancer.  Such a fear to have.  The woman dies of cancer in the movie.  She dies quickly, or that is the appearance that once the cancer is discovered, it is everywhere and there is no chance of saving her.

It may seem trivial to some, but I’ve seen this with my dog, Cody.  She died quickly, after no one could figure out what was wrong with her for a year, after exploratory surgeries, and specialists, and a number of other things.  It just happened overnight, after they finally figured it out.

Cody was with me for 12 years, after I rescued her from a rather bad situation in 1996.  She was the most loyal, glorious dog - beautiful, loyal, kind, and a wonderful black mound of fur, purple tongue.
Cody was cancer-ridden in her last year of life, undetected.  She had an onset in 2007, something particular happened.  The doctors could not figure out what was wrong with her.  They wanted to operate on her stomach.  I instinctively knew that whatever was wrong with her, was not in her stomach, but I let them operate just in case.  Fear kept me from directing them elsewhere.  They were vets, right?  I wasn’t and am not.  But sure enough, after many specialists, and nearly $8k in bills, I began to slow down in the pursuit of what was wrong with her.  No one could figure it out.  There was one more surgery they could do to figure it out, but there was no guarantee.  The surgery would leave her impaired in other ways, and so I chose not to do the surgery on her throat.

I continued to have problems with her for a year.  I knew she might have cancer, despite undiscovered.  And then one day, her situation changed.  I took her into the doctor, worried.  The cancer was everywhere.  The x-ray showed it throughout her lungs, all over her abdomen.  And, so they suggested I put her down there.  I didn’t.  I took her home and loved her for one last night.  We hung out.  I had just put a cat down two months prior.  I couldn’t believe I had to put her down the next day.  I had a trip planned to New York.  I had a major presentation to SpaFinder Magazine’s executives, to defend an account to newly hired personnel.  Cody died that next day.

Ever since then, cancer has become a greater fear.  I’ve seen others die of it in the last few years.   There is a balance between being somewhat overly cautious with blood tests, etc., to make sure that you don’t have anything wrong with you, and becoming a bit obsessed with cancer prevention.  I would hate to have a situation where something was bothering me, ignoring it for a while, and then discovering it’s spread to all parts of the body, and I have little time to plan for my daughter, or to take care of her needs.  Furthermore, I wouldn’t want to deal with missing out on anything I could hope to experience.

I’ve seen a friend’s mom robbed of life at an early age of breast cancer, on its second return to her body.   I’ve seen another person lose his wife of cancer.  A client lose her mom due to ovarian cancer.  Second, another recently rescued cat died a few months ago.  I had taken him in about two years ago, when I was quite pregnant.  I had a feeling he would not be around forever so I never got too attached to him.  One day, I felt a mass in his stomach.  Others couldn’t feel it.  I ignored it for a couple of months, and then after I felt like something worse was happening, I took him in.  Sure enough, he had just a little bit of time to live.  Within weeks, he died.  There was nothing they could for Bentley.

One of the reasons I blog is for the legacy of my daughter.  One day she will be able to, if she so desires, read what I’ve written.  Today, I was with a friend in the Short North.  My daughter was in the stroller, sitting straight up as she always is, always ready to approach the world.  We came up to the new bridal shop in downtown Columbus.  I commented on the beautiful white & ivory dresses.  Being married is not something I feel like I’m missing out on.  I never had the white dress wedding.  I never had the milestone of this aspect of many people’s lives.  I was married, but not in that way as an near idiot at the age of 21 for a short while.  But what I didn’t have in my life, I wish for my daughter.  I hope, that if she desires to get married, that I’m buying her that beautiful wedding dress, that I’m getting to see it all, observe all her struggles, and loves in life.

I pray to God to allow me to be present in her life for a long, long, long time to come.  In the meantime, I have to make sure I’m doing my best to ensure I’m in good health.  Keeping after your health, and asking the right questions about what’s going on with your body, is a time-consuming quest.  I’d like to hear from you on how you decided who would raise your kid in the absence of you being present, or the other parent.  Did you find that some said no to your request?  Did you have a hard time making the final decision?  Did you change your mind at any time, and if so for what reasons?

I pray for God’s grace on us both, to live healthy long lives despite whatever the world has to present us.

6th May 2010

Renewal - Rebirth

Don’t you love this time of year?  Those two weeks or so that the leaves begin to grow back on the trees?  You notice little fledgling sprouts, then all of a sudden there is a green haze as you drive past trees along the highway.  A week or two later, as you stop at your destination, you may begin to notice that all of the trees around you make sounds as the wind passes through the branches and their newborn leaves. I love that sound, but especially when it’s been months of nothing but stark branches clattering against one another.

In the past week, I have felt a professional and personal rebirth.  I have help on so many levels from so many.  Last night I was talking to a very close friend about what’s going on in my  life.  He made some very accurate observations and statements. When you choose to do something that few would even dream of, or dare to do, or fail to execute successfully - sometimes you can feel a bit isolated and unable to relate to most who are not in the same category.  When you run a company, as a working mother, there is so much that pulls at you everyday. At times, I think most of us feel run-down, and a bit invisible in some ways.  But at some point, as a Mother, you can feel renewal as a woman.

I can always tell when I’m feeling inspired.  I pull out old music I haven’t listened to in a long time from a variety of genres.  I have delighted in observing my daughter respond to music.  About a week ago, I was listening to Susan Boyle’s song “Who I was Born to Be” before I went on a sales call.  As I listened to her song, I arrived at my office, opened my sunroof, parked the car, put my seat back and paused for a few minutes to listen.  The words matched my gorgeous view through the sunroof.  She sang about being a child, and listening to the wind in the trees.  She sang about life’s path and how it brings us to where we’re supposed to be in life, at the right time.

Spring brings renewal.  It brings a brighter outlook.  I am thankful for Spring, for renewal, for help on many levels from often unexpected people, and from those I do know who consistently lend a hand to guide us in the right direction.

28th March 2010

The Working Mother Balancing Act

The past ten weeks have not been easy as a mother.  I changed my child’s daytime care and it’s been a  major transition in a few ways.  Every person that tells you that having your children in daycare is good because it increases their immunity - yes, that’s true.  But the first year is a pain in the ass.  Simply put.  From an “improving immunity” perspective.

The flip side? Socialization.  Movement.  Conversation.  A number of positive influences in many ways.

The reality is that your kid gets sick more often when he or she is in daycare.  You might try to vitamin infuse your kid more often.  I should buy stock in CVS or over-the-counter solutions.  I’ve got Whole Foods Wellness solutions, prescription strength Vitamin C and D that my awesome pediatrician gave me, multi-vitamins, healthy food,etc.  But at the end of the day, when a tummy flu bug comes crawling into my kid’s room, there is only so much that one can do.

I think a lot of the problem relates to how little these daycare rooms are cleaned.  They clean certain things once a week - once a week?  There is a lot of super bacteria that can grow in a week.  Other things get cleaned once a month. So, it’s not a surprise that these kids get sick often.

The other day I walked into daycare with my kid.  Every single kid in that room was crying his or her head off.  They all had runny noses.  My kid wasn’t feeling that great either.  In fact, I knew my kid was feeling rotten.  She didn’t have a fever.  She had no tummy bug.  But, I could see that “look” in her eyes.  I hated having to drop her off.  I had cancelled two morning and early afternoon meetings.  But I had one meeting that I could not reschedule.  I had to manage at least one phone call with a client, a new client preparing to go through a major transition.

I was gone for just a few hours.  My afternoon was incredibly intense.  The negotiations, the questions, the conversation, the schedule, the influence on decisions that need to be made - preparation and presentation of materials —-  By the time I picked her up - it was clear that my kid was feeling even worse.  They told me she’d had a blowout.  They told me that every room in the daycare had the tummy flu.  I knew the weekend would be a difficult one.

During the day, it’s taking care of my kid’s needs.  At night, almost every night, I’m working to catch up on “thinking time” that is required for so much of my job.  I’ve learned I can get organizational tasks done now, in general, during the weekend days.  My kid is walking now, so while I have to watch more of what’s she getting into, she also is happy just to be near wherever I’m at.  So, as long as she can see what I’m doing, then she’s in a reasonably good mood, even when she’s sick.  There is more holding for no real reason, however, when she’s under the weather.  Then, at night, it’s back to work.

I have something big that came up just last week at work.  It’s a project due by tomorrow.  And, to get it done, I’m likely to  have to stay up late, get just a few hours of sleep, and counteract that with love and joy first thing in the morning for my kid.   It’s not that work stress that is hard to handle, in general terms.  It’s not the stress of having a kid.  It’s the balance of the two.  It’s the 72-hour stress of a child that cries, who doesn’t feel good, who requires five sheet changes, in 24 hours, piles of laundry, and 72 hours of not eating a regular meal, or just the overall stress that you feel when your kid has the tummy flu, further impacted by a worsening head cold.

You fantasize about sleep as a working mother.  In fact, I’d say if you are a working mother, business owner, it’s worse.  I had help today, but it didn’t matter. Just because you have help, doesn’t mean that you can get sleep during that time.  I laid awake listening the entire time to my kid.  I might have drifted for a few moments, but not that long.  I heard my kid fall and begin to cry.   My head was pounding to the point of requiring Excedrin.  I was so incredibly tense.  My friend had done a good job of occupying her time, but it was clear that she just wanted Mommy.  The house was a mess.  It was time to feed her, or try finding something she would feel like eating without throwing.

So, tonight, I have work to do.  I am blogging for a little bit, just to come down from the weekend’s stress.  I feel a little robbed of a weekend.   It was not a fun weekend.  It was not a carefree weekend.  But what I loved?  The best part of my weekend?  To make my night’s transition easier, I rocked my kid to sleep tonight.  Normally, I’d rock her for a little bit after story time.  She threw things - she is teething on top of everything else.  She continues to feel bad.  So, tonight, I rocked her until she completely fell asleep.  I realized I had not been conscious of my own breath the entire weekend.  I continued to rock her as I watched her begin to breathe deeply - the kind when one sleeps peacefully.   It was then that I remembered to thank God for this life, all of it, no matter how hard it is. There will be days where there are no rocking chairs, or cribs, or changing tables in my life.  No messy diaper changes, no snot rubbed on my shoulder, no constant sheet changes.  But for right now, this time, was good.  I wanted only to capture the time I had with her in this way, and not give it up so quickly only to head to my computer.

I came into my living room.  I watched the fish swim around in the tank.  I pulled out an old Seanne Corn Vinyasa Yoga DVD and put it in.  I did just 10 minutes of Yoga.  My daughter started coughing so bad, that I had to interrupt it and try to help her.  I went back and started up my computer.  The Yoga DVD would wait.  But I felt a little calmer, and I was breathing a little better, after the Yoga and a few Puffs Plus.

13th February 2010

That Poppy Seed Seinfeld Episode Again

in 1996, I should have known it was going to be a really hard year when I looked out my window to see a very sick possum on my 2nd floor apartment doorstep.  He cornered me on that little stoop for hours.  I couldn’t get out.  I had to fight him with a broomstick; he almost fell off - maybe he did - I don’t remember but he left not long after the broomstick.  That was the omen.  The Year of the Possum?  I looked it up years later … is a possum bad luck?

In February of 1996, I had a scheduled drug test.  I was a contract employee for American Electric Power (AEP).  I had enjoyed my position as a market researcher.  I liked who I worked for.  I was given numerous opportunities for growth.  But one day that all came to a quick halt - when I tested positive for opiates after eating poppy seed bread.

Seriously, poppy seed bread.

I’ll never forget being walked out by four men in that office.  I was a blithering, crying mess.  One of my co-workers, a big Seinfeld fan, said “Watch out for those poppy seeds”, as I was being walked out the door.  I had no idea what he meant.  I later learned that the original Seinfeld episode occurred the night before I received the phone call from the HR department to come downstairs.  Now, I know what a call at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon means.  ;-)

I called an attorney I worked for, many years ago.  He knew my character inside and out.  I called my Mom - she says to this day it was the worst call she had ever taken from me.  My Dad flew out here to advocate for me.  The lawyer said later, once everything was resolved, that I was a bit off my rocker that day.  I was indeed hysterical.  I felt persecuted.  I had never done drugs.  I had fought to be the clean one in high school, college - and now I was being accused of doing opiates?  Morphine? It was highlighted in yellow on my letter of termination from AEP.  I’ll never forge.

But I hadn’t done drugs.  I had eaten some really good bread from the North Market in downtown Columbus.  The lawyer I used to work for instructed me to go to a particular hospital, walk in to the emergency room, and ask to get a drug test.  Can you believe I did this?  Yep.  Can you imagine going to your local hospital and walking in and asking for a drug test in the emergency room?  Anyway, I did.  I learned you could test positive for cocaine if you drink a gin and tonic.  That was my favorite drink at one point.  I could have cocaine and opiates in my system, had I gone out the weekend before my drug test, according to learning the types of food and drink that can cause “false positives”.

Well, so I got my job back.  I didn’t really get my record cleared.  I ended up losing my job again from that company, one year later.  I think my reputation was so tarnished, and few people knew that poppy seeds really caused a positive drug test, that whenever the story came up again during job reviews, etc., that it was a question mark.  Did she or didn’t she?

If it had not been for testing positive for drugs, as a result of eating poppy seed bread, I would have never started Bizresearch, a search marketing analytics company.  I had to fight so hard to get my job back in 1996.  I had no idea I’d have to fight 100 times harder to start a company and make a go of it.  But in 1996, I learned I had resilience.  I’ve been surviving off of that character building lesson ever since.

Tonight, a friend who knows my story, who used to work with me at Bizresearch, wrote me and said the infamous Seinfeld Episode of Elaine testing positive for poppy seeds was on the air.  I switched over to that channel from the Opening Ceremony of the Winter Olympics on NBC.  I got a kick out of the story all over again.  Elaine’s desperation is so funny to watch.

1996 continued to be very challenging for me.  I got hit by a car not long after the poppy seed situation.  Not hard, just on my elbow.  I was bringing donuts into AEP.  It was wierd.  Just a contusion - just a warning.  Hard enough to knock me, but not throw me off my feet.  Then, in November of that year, I did get knocked off my feet, in a skiing accident.  I tore my ACL - it’s another very funny story.  But I couldn’t believe it - I was going to have to endure eight months of rehab, surgery, a lot.  I ended up being tested for M.S., thankfully it was negative.  I had the surgery.  I went through more rehab.  I lost my job again from the same company mentioned above.  Something about asking to have a color printer.  I received no unemployment - because of a technical glitch - AEP had to pay, but I had worked for four days as a temporary secretary to put food on the table - and for that, I became ineligible for unemployment.

I walked dogs.  I worked at East Side Marios.  I worked at Gateway.  I was at every Chamber Event, from multiple chambers.  I networked like crazy.  That was before cell phones, LinkedIn, blogging, and Facebook.  I spoke at conferences.  I offered seminars.  And then all of a sudden, I had my first contract.  That was September of 1997.  I felt very alone on many levels.  I was broke, but I did it. I accomplished something great, for which I will always be proud of.  I’m still friends with one of those men that walked me out of the company.  In fact, I actually co-taught a seminar with him to some of the AEP folks years later at an industry event.

Poppy seeds were just the beginning of a very difficult time in my life, but if it had not been for that experience, I would not have started Bizresearch, nor would I have had the inner strength to do all that I’ve done since.

2nd January 2010

Tonight I Hugged My Daughter Just a Little Harder, a Little Longer than Usual

It’s not quite 10:00.  I have not blogged in over a month.  We went home for Christmas.  We had our share of joys and challenges on the trip, but it was good for Melina to be around her family for the holidays.  It’s amazing how sensitive we can be about the holidays.  Basically, few people I know, including myself, want to be alone for the holidays.  Regardless of whether that means romantic inclinations, or familial inclinations, we just don’t want to feel alone or lonely during the holidays.

Ironically, I’ve had Christmases with boyfriends, and have felt alone during the holidays.  I can remember a few years back being with my then-boyfriend Steve and his two daughters.  I was sick as a dog for Christmas.  I can remember fighting about stupid things, but was what underneath that frustration had to do with my deep desire to have my own family, not someone else’s family on loan for the holidays.

Years later, I am happy to report that I had the joy of driving home for the holidays to spend Christmas with Melina’s grandparents, aunt Lilly & Uncle Donald, and her cousins.  Yes, there were a couple of overly intense moments, but those were overshadowed by joy in seeing my daughter crawl, cruise and move about the kitchen and living area and play with her cousins, fall asleep on her grandfather’s chest in the rocking chair, and “talk” to Granny & PaPa in the kitchen as they prepared the turkey.

We returned mid-week, had New Year’s Eve festivities with a couple of close friends and neighbors, but have had a hard time getting our butts in gear the past day or two. I tried to justify my laziness with the ability to be this way, that moms rarely get such luxury, but I still felt guilty for taking a mid-morning nap with my daughter.

Tomorrow, I’m scheduled to take a macrobiotic meal to my friend’s Mom in Chagrin Falls, Ohio.  I’ll do a separate entry on the benefits of eating macrobiotic food, or anti-cancer food, on another day.  But basically, it’s kale, leafy collard greens, brown rice, sesame oil, white fish, shittake mushrooms, miso soup - somewhat like a Japanese diet.  It looks at a less-acidic way of life, so coffee, sugar and alcohol are considered excluded from the macro dietary way of living.

Later this evening, after cooking this macro meal for my friend’s Mom, and enjoying some of it myself, I learned that she has gone into The Hospice Residence and is not eating.  I met Sarah’s Mom, Christine, a couple of weeks ago in person while she was at Case Western’s Hospice Care in Cleveland.  As Melina and I met Christine for the first time, I was amazed at how much Melina immediately bonded with her.  Melina was concerned when the nurse came in and adjusted her tubes.  Melina wanted to get up on Christine, literally, and of course, Chris seemed to want it as well despite the tubes and fluid retention.  I knew that when I said goodbye that night, I might not see Chris again.   I wondered how hard it must be to have all your mind intact, and the heart and desire to keep on living, despite the body’s inability to fight a horrific disease.

The past week Chris fought to get home for Christmas.  In fact, she went to extreme measures to be home with her family for Christmas, and perhaps avoid dying over Christmas.  She had her lungs sealed, one by one, in two hospital surgeries.  She got out of hospice care at the hospital, and made it home to her brother’s over Christmas.  She made it through New Year’s, but today, she was checked into Hospice Residence, which is a final resting spot before Chris’ battle with breast & ovarian cancer will finally end.

You know that song, Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw??   This woman has fought to the core, every day, to continue living.  As I read through her online journal the first time, a few months ago, I was amazed at the strength and vitality of this person, despite the havoc cancer had wreaked upon her body.

As my daughter struggled to fall asleep tonight, instead of letting her battle it out on her own, I went in and hugged her a little harder, a little longer tonight.  With her sweet face close to mine, I prayed for Chris Finnegan.  I don’t know why we must suffer from such horrific cancers, but from Chris and her online journal I have learned a lot about what this has done to her body.  It has made me eat healthier, get a mammogram despite breastfeeding and several barrriers to this believe it or not, get a few more tests run at the OSU health center and pursue my health for my daughter’s sake as much as my own.  I realize how much I eat incorrectly, in terms of caffeine, sugar and to a lesser extent, alcohol, all of which can cause tumors and cancers to grow.  Chris has fought so incredibly hard, with such valiance, prayer, and kindness as noted through her online journal.  She has amazed me, and yet, I hardly know her.  I know her daughter, and not well at that.

It seems too many I know have come in touch with cancer in some way.  I know some whose both parents have had cancer, at a young age.  We have to examine our lives, and what we come in touch with, that causes such high rates of cancer.   Perhaps we can learn a little from someone who has had cancer, who has fought it valiantly, and has tried to teach others of how to do things differently.

My prayers go out to her and her family tonight, as I can only hope that there is white light, and numerous warm angels to take Chris to a better, healthier, happier place.  I hope God has a place waiting for her in heaven.  When you know someone who has died or is dying of cancer, it seems as if it is a God-less journey at times.    There are many miracles along the journey, but the journey seems to be excruciating for all involved.

So, tonight, I hugged my daughter a little longer.  I reached out to a couple of people.  And I thank God for what I have today.  I pray to do better tomorrow, to pay it forward, and as Chris has said in every online journal entry - think pink, pay it forward, and eat more kale.   Seriously, buy a pressure or rice cooker; go to Whole Foods and buy some dark green kale and brown rice, steam the rice and saute the kale in some sesame oil.  Throw in the rice and some shiitake mushrooms, and eat healthy now, as if you were dying.  Your body will thank you now, and later.

26th November 2009

Our First Real Thanksgiving as a Family at Home

Last Thankgsiving, I was a new mom of four days in shock, on drugs (the hospital kind after you have a c-section), and quietly enjoying a near-empty hospital.  We were staying at the hospital for another day, as Melina had jaundice.

Here we are one sweet potato year later.  I have already had my first happy boo hoo moment over fixing sweet potato casserole.

Mom’s sweet potato casserole recipe vs my revised casserole recipe

As my daughter crawls, pulls to standing, and tries to cruise taking little first steps on her own, I am in awe.  While we had our first high fever scare, which turned out to be Roseola, we are suffering only from a cough this morning.  We are staying at home and cooking, having canceled our trip to see family in Missouri.

Melina missed any birthday party celebrations I had scheduled for her, but on this Thanskgiving we are so happy to be in one another’s lives.  Well, I can only really speak for myself.  I am happy to have her in my life.  It seems she is happy too, from what others tell me. ;-)

I am fixing sweet potato casserole topped with organic pumpkin flax granola.  I’ve snuck several tastes, and have decided it’s a good thing to keep on the menu.  The granola has softened enough in the cooking to offer some to Melina.

I’ve brined my turkey breast with a cranberry blend brining mix.  The turkey breast was about all we could get at Whole Foods the evening before Thanksgiving.  However, it’s more than enough for the two of us.  We are choosing to stay in to avoid any further exposure as M’s immunity is not quite normal after a high fever.

The theme this Thanksgiving is anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory rich cooking on behalf of someone I know who has breast cancer, which has spread to many parts of her body.  So, we’re adding KALE to our Thanksgiving.  I’ll let you know which recipe is our final choice, but I’m reviewing a recipe from Andrew Weil’s 8 Weeks to Optimum Health book that includes kale and potatoes.

We’re doing fresh cranberries with apples Melina and I picked a couple of weeks ago.

We’re stuffing the little turkey breast with cranberry stuffing.

We’re managing without foil paper and cinnamon this Thanksgiving.

The pilgrims didn’t have foil paper.  Nor did they have refridgerators to store mass quantities of food, but I’m sure they had cold weather that helped keep food cold.

I’m listening to Il Divo’s Christmas album on my iPod to put us in the holiday spirit.

Taking care of a little one and preparing a real Thanksgiving dinner, if just for the two of us, should be interesting.  I’m curious to see what time we’ll eat, or will we just munch throughout the day as Mom finally gets things prepared?

I’ll add some photos later.  But we are healthy, we have one another, we are warm, we are surrounded by four-legged friends who don’t know today from any other day other than Mom is cooking something pretty good in the kitchen.

Enjoy your holiday.  While we don’t have lots of people around today, we have all we need.

29th October 2009

How to Get Your H1N1 Vaccine Tips

Quick blog - will post pictures this weekend, maybe, if I remember

We were able to get Melina vaccinated yesterday at the H1N1 vaccine clinic for children  6 months to 4 years.  She did fine, although I think with all the children crowded in, she became a little nervous at seeing one girl behind her become quite animated when she got her shot.  So then she began to cry, and in fact, off and on, was clingy and cried often yesterday evening.  But today, she was just fine, and no issues whatsoever.  No redness, no apparent soreness and no fussiness.  Her top two teeth, however, seem to be bothering her gums, and look red and irritated.  But she’s good otherwise.

So how do you get your H1N1 vaccine?  Here are some tips:

  1.  Research upcoming H1N1 vaccine clinic locations by checking your local news stations, and Google - you do not, as of yet, have to limit your vaccine clinic to your city or county.
  2. Online registration just gets you in the system.  It doesn’t alert you, as it says it will, to upcoming clinics in your area.  Dates are often past, and thus I wouldn’t rely on this, until it improves significantly.
  3. Watch the news the night before, and the morning news to see if there are any announcements regarding the vaccine clinic.  I found 10TV News to be very helpful in its coverage.
  4. News websites are not always up to date with clinic information.  So, check them, but don’t rely on them to be up to date by the minute, hour or day.  Best to team that up with watching the news each day.
  5. Go early, really, go early!  What’s early?  I went at 10 a.m. for a 2 p.m. H1N1 clinic.   I got in line about 11 a.m., after keeping warm in the car.  I was about 50th in line. By the clinic start time, the administrator said no one would be able to come in - too many people had already lined up to get the vaccine.
  6. Pack warm - you may be outside for a long period of time, so be prepared for long hours outside with a baby, or young child.   You’ll need blankets to sit on, possibly, and plenty of food, diapers, and things to keep a crawling, on the go baby occupied and out of trouble.
  7. Watch out for germs from others at these clinics.  Crowds of people, some of whom were quite sick.  I have a rain/winter weather plastic slick for Melina’s stroller- I’ve used it twice now for germ-fighting reasons.  Keep the coughing away from your young baby if needed.  Carry Purell and/or wipes, and try to stay away from others with cough.
  8. Be prepared to need to leave your spot to use the restroom - either by securing it with nice people in line, or by having someone else go with you.  I noticed that some people traded off - they had their husband or wife go early, and then the other came with the child later, closer to the time of the actual vaccine clinic’s start time.
  9. As of yet, you don’t need proof of anything other than if you’re pregnant.  You will fill out paperwork when you’re there, a one-pager.  It’s similar to what you do if you register online, but has more information about allergies to shots.  It’s very similar to the paperwork for a seasonal flu vaccine.
  10. You will need to wait around for 15 minutes once you get the vaccine.

Lastly, I want to give kudos to Columbus City’s Department of Health - and their organization.  Thanks to Ohio Historical Society for their facility usage.  They were organized, very helpful and things ran smoothly at least at the beginning of the clinic.  So, we’re glad we got it, and it was worth our time.  As of yet, no reactions for my little one other than lots of fussiness for several hours.  She’s also teething and cutting two teeth simultaneously, so that could be it as well.

22nd October 2009

An Email to My Father at 4:45 a.m. Today

It’s not even 5 a.m. - and I’m up and online.  I received an email early this morning from my father about his birthday escape.  I was online to blog about my dog out of frustration, after being up with the baby for an hour, but I think my response to my Dad’s email about his birthday, escaping life, and a reference to Obama and healthcare is a good reference to my mood.  Here is my response. 

Dear Dad,

 

It is not quite 5 a.m.  I’m online so I can blog about how much I hate my dog.

 

Can Lucky attend the 4-day escape and will you throw her overboard?

 

She can not swim.  This is how I know she is not a Labrador retriever as most people erroneously think she is.

 

Nah - I’d feel guilty.

 

I came home from what today, oh the vet, to pick up the two cats who needed shots, and selling an entire year of unwanted baby clothes so I could get $24 in cash from Once Upon a Child, only to find Lucky had eaten an ENTIRE container of expensive, gifted baby oil (about 16 oz) and chewed the container itself, then pooped, then tried to clean it up (by eating it).  This is the day after Lucky tried to eat the $10 container of just purchased Baby Motrin that I desperately need for both teething baby and Mom’s sanity.  My daughter who is getting her two front top teeth could use a little Motrin at 4 a.m. but my dog needed it more.

 

Fast-forward 18 hours - At 4 a.m. this morning, Melina stirred and woke up slightly.  I laid in bed listening to decide whether or not I should go in.  She would have likely gone back to sleep by herself, but the dog who is afraid of me coming in and telling her to get off the bed, decides to jump off the bed (in Melina’s room) and run underneath the bed where she belongs.

 

This woke up Melina really good.

 

Now Melina is back in bed -she’s had her juice - she’s getting her two front teeth- and is congested from all the colds she gets from OSU students/sitters, and teething.  I’m also congested.  No, we do not have H1N1 or so the docs tell me.  I’ve applied the Vapor’s Baby Rub to her and yes, some for Mommy too.  I’ve given her baby saline, which she promptly batted at me, and then calmed down after remembering this actually helps her breathe better.  I’ve refilled the cool mist humidifier because I can’t open her window, because someone stole the screen out of her window and my dog failed to kill the person.

 

Lucky has been admonished to downstairs after going outside and pooping some more baby oil.

 

The 7 week old kitten is downstairs in the bathroom quarantine playing with her toilet cap.  She’s happy and quieting down.

 

Dad - no one could fix the healthcare system in 10 months.  It is not Obama’s fault.  Stop blaming him for it.

 

We know that the idiot in the Republican White House didn’t fix healthcare in 8 years - so don’t expect Obama to do it in less than a year.

 

Okay, enjoy your escape.

 

I’d like to do the same thing, or just shoot my dog.  I think a 4-day escape on the water would probably be more productive however.

 

Love to all copied on this email.

 

Have a wonderful day.

 

Laura

15th October 2009

It’s Difficult to Be Green as a New Mom

When I started this website/blog, it was to focus on environmental awareness and global warming/climate change.  I’ve since travelled to Antarctica so I could see climate change first-hand.  I journeyed with others who were interested in climate change, along with some who just wanted another feather in their cap for having seen all the continents before they died.   I was shocked by what I observed in Antarctica.

I came back and went to see Al Gore a year ago, while pregnant,  on climate change initiatives.  I’ve blogged about many things that were green.  I gasped as I observed coffee-goers at Starbucks and Panera throw out plastic cups.  I learned about electric and hybrid cars.  I’ve participated in some green events.  I had passion for the environment and how to effect change in our future.  And then I had a baby, heh heh.

So,  wonder how much green I have in my life with a baby?

Today (it’s almost over, but this was the first chance I had to blog tonight) was Blog Action Day - Climate Change

To be entirely green with a newborn, I’d nurse all the time instead of twice a day, recycle and wash those super poopy diapers, never use plastic, and if I dared to use plastic, I’d recycle every single time, and of course, I’d try to re-use those glass bottles for something.  But the fact is, within a few weeks of total exhaustion beyond belief that only mothers can understand, you begin to slip as a green mom.  I never envisioned this would be my cupboard.

Baby Plastic Food Containers
My cupboard of baby food, no longer the green extremist

More will be posted to this but to meet the deadline of 11:59 p.m. 11/15/09 Blog Action Day, I’m publishing a half-complete blog.

My cupboard wouldn’t be filled with this type of ingredient at all - tiny single-use plastic containers that are the epitome of wastefulness and consumerism.  But the fact is, as a working mom, business owner, I barely have time to do a load of laundry, much less get all the cleaning done in the kitchen.  I steamed spinach tonight for Melina.  By the time it was ready, Melina was done with her chicken and applesauce and about ready to catapult out of her high-chair.  I have the baby food mill that my dear friend Alicia got for us. I’ve used it lovingly about ten times, if that, in nearly a year.  It’s simply easier and faster to buy those horrible plastic containers.

The first few months I stacked up the plastic recycling until it was overflowing so many places I’d trip over a bag waiting to go to the recycle facility down the road.  I admit, I stopped recycling entirely for a few months after Melina was born, despite the mass quantities of plastic consumption.  But I just couldn’t do it all as a new mom.

Now, I’m back to recycling and have been for a while.  I admit, I still occasionally fudge.  But, I do try to be green.  If I could affect change on a grander level, I’d just get Starbucks and Panera to recycle on site, in every store they have throughout the United States.

In the meantime, this is my recycling, and I’m determined to take it in tomorrow, or maybe Saturday, or maybe I’ll get that done Sunday.  I’m tired, are  you?


My Whole Foods bag of recycling - and way too many plastic containers

14th October 2009

What Else?

Earlier tonight, as I was walking my rescue dog, Lucky, and Melina in the stroller, I thought of a blog entry I needed to make.  It was going to be about my dog - and how I need some help with her.  How much changed in the next couple of hours….

 A lot has happened in the past month.  Melina and I went to NYC, so I could speak at a conference on PPC Conversion Tactics at the SMX show.  It was so incredibly challenging with a baby, driving (to avoid more germs than necessary and H1N1), parking - schlepping all that stuff around… Before I left, however, there was a major water leak from tub to living room ceiling.  We had to vacate the premises immediately while they cleaned the air, checked for mold spores, and pulled moisture out of the air.  Melina and I made things work despite this, we managed to get off to NYC only a couple of hours late, and we survived the trip to Hershey, an apparent ghost in the Homewood Suites hotel room  313 (sorry too tired to tell that insane story), Harlem, Spanish Harlem, Israeliness, walking all over the place, sitter issues, speaking on a new and possibly controversial topic, driving 14 hours back to Columbus, and yes, Melina getting sick (despite all efforts to keep her healthy). 

In the past week, Melina and I have had our share of doctor visits to ensure she doesn’t have or get H1N1.  We discovered a 5-week old kitten in a carwash bay, like I need that - and yes, it’s in my bathroom quarantined until leukemia tests can be run on the kitty.  The dog is driving me nuts.  One of the cats who is indoor/outdoor has decided he wants to be outside more than inside, and has decided to start marking rugs and the like.  I am not letting him outside because I don’t want to pay a vet bill if he gets hurt.  In fact, I think I could easily trade in the dog and maybe even the indoor/outdoor cat for the new kitten. 

Work has been somewhat challenged, but despite trekking to NYC and back, speaking at a conference, and Melina getting sick, I still managed to present on some new business opportunities.  I’ve got some bloodwork tomorrow to get some tests run, and am supposed to be on 12 hour fast.  I’ve got client meetings every day.  I’ve got daycare issues to balance.  So, life is really, really full.

 And then tonight, I come home with Melina, put her to sleep, and think I’m doing really, really good.  I’m ahead of schedule by an hour.  I was motivated by the list of chores ahead of me.  And, then I heard something.  I didn’t like the sound at all.  It was coming from my basement. 

So, when you are home with your baby, and you hear something coming from the basement, it’s amazing the decisions you make in seconds, not minutes.

I was not about to investigate the sound.  It sounded so menacing that I disarmed the security system, grabbed the baby without putting more clothes or jackets on her, put her in the car, and why, I got the dog too, I do not know.  I mean, why not leave the insane dog inside the house to deal with what was downstairs?  But, I got Lucky and Melina into the car, and figured, I’d get the cats out of the house.  And, then I heard the sound continuing to come from downstairs.

It sounded like fire…. cackling, hissing, ugh.  If not fire, it was a person.  Someone had broken into the second floor room in my house, recently, so I was already armed for danger, but this was a new, unnerving feeling.  I grabbed the fire extinguishers, the cell phone, and called out to my neighbors to watch Melina in the car, while I called 9-1-1. 

So what was it?  Is your heart pounding 1/10th of what mine was?  It was a water leak, a major water leak.

So tonight, I am writing without running water, soon, without heat, and with a child and animals to protect.  I always thought I’d grab a few things if I had to evacuate the house.  But, there was really only one priority that I needed to secure and it was my daughter’s safety.  What I noticed, however, is that in the past month there have been two situations that have impacted my feeling of security - and it is disconcerting to see its affect on my child.  Her eyes were pitch black, and clearly concerned.   Despite the insanity of my dog at times, clearly keeping my child safe is my top priority.  I’m thankful for such responsibility.  But there is the saying about Mama Bear - watch out for Mama Bear - and what she will do to protect her cubs….

So, thankful that this was not a fire, but will be more at peace when I know that the water leakage is fixed, and heat is reinstated after water damage is remedied.

6th September 2009

Crawling, Repositioning, Child Wrangling?

Last night I was online updating my LinkedIn contacts and noted a colleague’s description of herself on Twitter.com.  She mentioned amongst many things that she is a “child wrangler”.  I thought that was an interesting reference, and found it particularly relevant as I tried to change Melina’s diaper this morning.  As Melina gets older, diaper changes are more of a challenge.  The changing table works best for me, but is not her favorite place anymore.  I have to be careful as she’s been known to try to fly off the table, legs rolling to either side, sitting up, trying to use it as a backwards dive launch pad, although still unsuccessful in the latter events thankfully.  If I change her on the bed, she tries to roll away, or in some cases tries to sit up or roll off the bed.  The floor, however, presents even more rolling & crawling opportunity for her, and so it’s a continuous struggle to get Melina to lie still while I change that diaper.   The worst?  A very dirty diaper, and a child having a temper tantrum.  Nothing like trying to “wrangle” a poopy child, and I’m not just talking about her diaper either.  :-)

Humorous frustration aside, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday morning.  I am on the floor writing in my blog.  We both had a late breakfast.  She’s working on teething biscuits and occasionally getting food stuck.  I’m pulling her out of the high chair, calmly but swiftly.  She turns around and knocks something off of the counter as she’s in my arms, as I make sure she’s not choking.  The 32 oz juice bottle, $8 a bottle at Kroger, flies off the counter and spills onto the floor.  As it’s going “glug glug glug”, I’m saying to Melina, calmly, don’t worry - just want to make sure you’re okay.” Teething biscuit mesh now cleared from her mouth, juice in, and repositioning her back into the high chair to eat the fresh peach I’ve mashed up for her.  Now it’s clean up time on the floor.  Down on my hands and knees, which seems to be a common position these days as Melina is into everything.

After breakfast, and I bring her into the living room, I enjoy watching her discover many things, including the camera case, which she seems to love.  Anything with a strap on it.  Then there is a momentous jump to a clapping fit.  That’s boring after three seconds, then it’s picking up a toy, then it’s”let’s see how this toy sounds up against the camera case”, and then she’s crawling, towards the dinner table and what - I have to go over and see - she’s out of sight.  She was fascinated by the computer desktop workstation light that’s near the floor. Of course, I’ve just described Melina’s activity time for about two minutes.  You have to watch a child closely at this stage.  I say that, but it doesn’t always get through to some people watching her for an hour or two - who don’t have children.  Really, I mean really, you have to watch her at all times….

The four-legged kids are curled up next to one another.  For them all to be rescue animals, the two cats and dog get along extremely well with one another, and with Melina.  They are peacefully watching the outside activity.  Melina is now watching Baby Einstein’s Baby’s First Sounds.  These are great, regardless of some who think you will rot your child’s brain and increase their blood pressure in front of a TV, for 1/2 hour a day.  I put her in the Exersaucer, another thing that pediatricians have been known to discourage, as she watches the DVD so she’s not a total potato sack while watching TV as this encourages her to stand and put pressure on her feet and legs.

I can not imagine life without Melina.  It would seem like there is little purpose in my day.  There is no more sitting around, ever, and doing nothing.  If I’m not putting something together for Melina, or attending to her, or cleaning up after her, or trying to squeeze in work during the weekend, or late at night (have fulltime daycare for her during week), or cooking or doing laundry, or catching up on the phone with family, or trying to squeeze a 10-15 minute personal call in once a week with one friend, that’s all there is - and there is so much to do that’s not getting done.  I have a friend who says she’s bored all the time.  I’m not sure what to say to that - other than bring yourself down to my house and I’ll keep you busy.   But what would life be if we were not focused on a child?  I don’t want to tell people that are single, or without children, to have a child if they don’t want one - but all I can say is my opinion, life is way better with a child in it.  Narcissism begins to fade - quickly….

I can now understand why working mothers tend to flock together - it’s because we are juggling so much to work and to mother our children.  We need people that understand what we are juggling, especially in this modern society of hyper technology tools.  The multi-tasking mom is extraordinarily useful with her time as far as I can observe.  If you only have six hours to yourself during a work day, and five days a week, to work straight through, I guarantee you will make the most of your time.  Personally, I weigh what I do very carefully, and do not do anything that’s frivolous or a waste of time.  On the rare occasion, I’m coaxed into doing something like this with someone who does not have children, I’m wondering what the heck was I thinking?  When you are single, you can waste time.  When you do not have children, you can waste even more time.  But not so with a child, and not so as a single, working mother.  You just can’t afford to 100% chill, not at this stage of motherhood at least, since that’s all I can testify to.

As my new position of child wrangler, repositioner, tracker, and expert profiler expands as a Mom, and all the tasks that go along with being a working mom, it does not leave much time to do anything that does not serve a purpose or add value to the day.  I am very appreciative of the new moms that write me, who are not doing this single-handed, and whom indicate that their respect has grown for me as a working single mom.   The good news is that we are happy.  We are healthy as far as we know.  We are fulfilled.  Life is fuller, harder, busier, but way better than it was a year ago.  And that’s what amazes me - it’s been a year ago this weekend that April hosted my baby shower.  A year - and it flies faster than ever.  But, I would be lost if I was not a child wrangler at this stage in my life.  I thank you God.

22nd August 2009

9 Months - Wow How Fast It Goes

Melina will be nine months old on Monday.  I’m amazed at how fast time passes.  It was this time last year that friends were coming in for the baby shower.  I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve seen some of these ladies.  But time passes quickly when there is lots of time for baby, and little time for other leisure.  So the update this month, and tonight, is extraordinarily brief.

All I can say is that she is learning to crawl, creeping across the floor in no time at all, getting into things, talking (well, you know her words, not ours), sitting up on her own (again, and again, and again at all hours of the night), and showing a lot of interest in anything.

What others tell me:  she is very alert, very bright, strong motor skills, etc etc.  What do I know?  I have nothing to compare to.

What I do know is that we are very, very, very blessed - so incredibly lucky to have each other.  We are healthy.  We are happy (95% of the time).  We have had a lot of people help us, some expected, some unexpected. 

I’m becoming a bit more cautious about my updates for reasons you surely understand as parents.  But we are doing very well, and have adjusted to what we know thus far. 

I would say out of all moments I treasure most now?  That quiet time we get every so often where we really can just lay beside each other and smile at each other.  I doubt this time will last for long, as she is very much a wiggle worm and on the go all the time.  But it’s a very sweet moment in time, and I’m very thankful for such.

1st August 2009

The Power of Instinct 1 reply

This morning I was going about my morning routine when my neighbor stopped to chat.  He informed me that his wife has a brain tumor.  My mouth dropped open.  My neighbor’s wife has been suffering from something for two years, progressively worsening.  She will have surgery - they will see the doctor Monday - and from there, surgery will take place sooner rather than later.  It’s likely benign, as 90% of brain tumors are according to my neighbors’ information. 

Here’s what amazes me - they’ve known something was up for two years.  In fact, when she took a fall about two years ago down the stairs, they scanned her head for something then.  They didn’t see anything.  Now it is revealed that they missed it.  In fact, the doc pulled out the original scan and compared it to what she has now - and it was there, even then. 

As I’ve written about doctors in relationship to Melina in the last post, many moms who are also clients of mine, told me to trust my instinct.  In fact, a trusted male friend of mine told me how much he has learned to trust his wife’s instincts as it relates to his son.  If something in your gut says something’s wrong, or something’s off-kilter, why is that we filter these things out?

My neighbor’s brain tumor is now the size of a ping pong ball - and has the potential to serve up some serious risks, including 50% chance of stroke.  She’s lived a tough life for the past two years, including slurred speech, cognitive problems, and a progressively worsening unsteady gait.  To think all this time, it was a brain tumor that they quickly ruled out initially. 

Trust your instincts and get a second & yes, third doctor’s opinion when something is bothering you physically.  I have a sister-in-law who persisted on an odd mole or freckle - she’s a smart nurse - mother of four, and thankfully because she persisted after two doctors dismissed as “nothing”, she actually had stage 2 skin cancer (stage 4 is where they tell you to prepare your will).

 At the same time, you also have to trust in positive energy, which feeds a lot of our health, both physical and spiritual.  Which leads me to a really nice sentiment tonight.  I was pondering over a comment made by a colleague about my blog.  I choose to write about things personal, despite having a professional career.  It’s possible that my personal blog could affect other parts of my business in some way.  That said, as one of my female/mother/clients said - stay true to yourself.  I’ve often hoped that my writings would one day be recognized in some way - as it relates to my daughter - again, a personal instinct - non-medical but just a “feeling”.

I wanted to write about how I felt tonight, and I opened up my email, something which I typically avoid on Saturdays as I need “one” day to be offline (off work).  I received one of the best emails I think I’ve received in a very, very long time from an entity that will remain nameless until I’m given permission to mention them.  But basically, they’ve compiled a fascinating piece of work about bloggers along a particular historical timeline.  They’ve asked if I could be mentioned in this piece of work, and they attached an excerpt from this blog. 

What they chose to excerpt brought tears to my eyes as a blogger, as a Mom, and as professional working woman.  I’ll hold off on referencing it until I hear more details from them on what’s allowed to be said in regards to this piece of work.  I thought it was ironic, considering that on one hand, I might be questioned as to what I write on my blog.  I’ve always loved writing, and in fact, owe it to a former boyfriend who told me I needed a hobby.  I was 100% workaholic at the time.  If there were two things that I could do, and money was no object, it would be writing and photography, somehow intertwining the two. 

This evening I recalled my morning and the news of my neighbor.  I thought it was nicely ironic that I had chosen to photograph that one wild sunflower peaking in my front garden.  When I heard about her brain tumor, there was no other place that the sunflower belonged, other than in a colorful spring vase of cut flowers for her in her house.  I delighted in being able to take something from my garden and pass it on to her, if something so simple as a bright sunflower and some orange mums that were beginning to bloom.  I had the pleasure of seeing goldfinch birds feed off of that sunflower as the vase sat on her front porch for a portion of the day.  I was glad I had photographed this one wild sunflower, which has never grown there before, and was not intentionally planted, so that another person who needed it more now, could enjoy it.

So tonight, as I talk about a mother’s and a woman’s instinct - it’s only fitting that someone, somewhere has captured what I’ve shared before on my blog and wishes to publish those comments - and I’m so happy to say - it’s in reference to my daughter and the power of emotion. 

28th July 2009

Did My Pediatrician Just Fire Me?

Melina Vocalization
Melina this past Sunday at Patricia’s House

The past three weeks have been frustrating.  While I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Melina had experienced some issues - and that I wasn’t happy with the pediatrician’s solution, I was further bothered by a phone call with the nurse last week.  A nurse made a comment about “I don’t want to discredit you because you are a first-time Mom, but I don’t think that cry that you heard is because ….” I became pretty annoyed with this statement.  I’ve heard a lot of Moms say, doctors will discredit you because you are a first-time Mom, but I’ve always been happy with my pediatrician’s office - in fact I really like my pediatrician and her staff.  But this particular nurse’s comments - it bothered me -enough for me to tell her that, and to “politely” end the call. 

I had scheduled a consult with an integrated care pediatrician to learn more about baby massage and if needed, baby chiropractics.  Melina was suffering from a minor medical issue - on a scale of 1 to 10, I rate this a 1 (meaning minor). 

 I’ve seen extreme benefits over my adult life from integrated care, and strongly believe in alternative medicine in addition to traditional medicine.  Whether it’s shiatsu (my favorite), massage, chiropractics, eating healthy (yes, alternative for some), or just good ole positive mindset and outlook, I’m a big believer in trying things other than drugs.   I believe that in some cases drugs create more problems.  Of course, if antibiotics are needed, I’m okay with them, but if we can alter our lifestyle instead of taking a drug, I’m in favor of learning more. 

I’ve put my animals through integrated care and believe in many cases it has saved their lives, or significantly extended their lives.  So, when I learned through my integrated pet care specialist, Dr. Donn Griffith and his son, Bryan Griffith, about Dr. Sant (Whole Kids Pediatrics) - I was curious to see what Dr. Sant could offer Melina and I.  But due to my overall happiness at current pediatrician’s practice (name withheld), I saw no reason to see Dr. Sant. 

Until Melina started having problems three weeks ago.  I didn’t care for the solutions that my current pediatrician was endorsing.  I knew it was minor stuff to them and in the big picture to Melina and I.  But seeing my child cry going to the bathroom, and after going to the bathroom, was doing me in.  In fact, it seemed as if she was sobbing after using the bathroom.  This worried me - and thus the call to the doctor/nurse.  Thus the answer of the nurse above -and thus, a call ensued with the doctor.

My ped doctor was very calm, kind, and patient.  She heard me out.  I like her very much.  But the doctor indicated that the nurse had apparently cried after my call with her two days previous - which I was somewhat questioning but hey, we all have our emotions and they are to be respected - and the doctor began to suggest that perhaps their pediatric practice was not a good fit for me.  Huh?  Did my pediatrician just break up with me?

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  So I might wonder if the practice stuck me with the new doc (new to the practice) because I’m a first-time Mom (although I ended up preferring her way over any other ped there), and the first time I have an issue with a nurse, is my pediatrician really suggesting I go elsewhere? 

Perhaps it’s because I wanted modified vaccine schedules so that Melina was getting no more than two shots at a time.  Perhaps it’s because I had called three times about my kid in the context of her pooping.  Perhaps it’s because I wanted to make sure this had nothing to do with sacral dimple, and the two ultrasounds she’d had.  Perhaps it’s because when someone mentions the possibility of tethered cord at one ultrasound, you don’t look upon that lightly.  You’d be an idiot if you did, and something happened later down the road.

I didn’t like the solution they were proposing for Melina (laxatives - albeit mild they said), and asked for other suggestions.  I’m annoyed about their suggestion I go elsewhere and that if I was going to see Dr. Sant, that I go there definitively - well, indicating that “I like Dr. S - and I’d have my own kids go there - blah blah blah.”  I’m shocked from a professional perspective - I am often approached by people new to search marketing.  I have to spend more time with them, and at times might admit, it’s hard to deal with.  When they suggest they are going to talk to another practitioner, I half fall off my chair pushing them in that direction.  I absolutely encourage 2nd and 3rd opinions.  More educated customers are better customers.  But I don’t typically tell them another place is better, unless of course the customer has no money…..

But to suggest I go elsewhere annoyed me.  I could be kinda flippant and say, “Holy Shit - did my ped just break up with me?”  Funny in a way.

So, here’s the good news - I am not convinced that I have to switch docs because of one thing.  But, since pediatricians seem to prefer that you switch due to care, protocol, okay maybe.  I took Melina to Dr. Sant on Friday.  She suggested spinach & kale, steamed, to be worked into Melina’s diet.  She showed me how to massage Melina’s tummy with some olive oil (yes, nothing expensive, just simple as your kitchen cabinet stock).  She suggested Probiotics because Melina was born under c-section and was exposed to antiobiotics.  She suggested Benefiber. 

Melina started going just fine on Saturday.  After a delightful lunch with a good friend, Patricia Bright (see picture below), Melina is on the go and enjoying life.  Patricia is one of those integrated care specialists that I began to go to years ago, after a doctor prescribed medicine that negatively affected me.  I started going to Patricia and things that no doctor could fix were fixed by Patricia.  She’s since moved onto mindfulness meditation for job seekers.  And she is always a warm gentle spirit for my child. 

As Patricia says on her blog entry dated the 29th of July -
“Beginner’s Mind:  with fresh eyes and an open attitude you can begin anything.”

Melina beginning to crawl - getting antsy about staying in one position for long

12th July 2009

A Trip to the Mall - With the Baby & Without A Cell Phone

Today, I felt the need to get out for a few hours.  Laundry, work, taking care of Melina, staring at my dog and cats - it was all getting to be a bit much.  I felt the need to get Melina out and about.  Honestly, even if it wasn’t for Melina, I wanted to get out for some fresh air. 

Melina and I headed for a stroll at Easton Mall today.  I wasn’t sure where my cell phone was, and I decided we’d venture out without a phone as an attachment.  How often do you venture out without a cell phone?  I know you might say, but what if something happens?  Well, as you’ll see from the entry below, if something does happen at a Mall - you’ll have more people than ever taking pictures, video and making calls, texting, Twittering - you name it - because people are “MARRIED” to their cell phones.

I was relieved to be without it personally, for an afternoon.  When you venture out without a cell phone, you take everything around you in, you breathe, you notice things you’ve not managed to notice in a while.  Like the fact that way too many people are on their cell phones, at a mall.  The mall itself used to be the entertainment.  Now, you see people parked outside stores, leaning up against the walls, with their heads down, noses pointed at their cell phones.  Their texting - very few people are actually talking to anyone.  I noticed fathers - with their children - no wives, no mothers in sight.  And the fathers?  What were the single for the day fathers doing?  Talking on their cell phones and texting, while the child was nearby, complaining, begging for attention.  I did not notice one mother with her child, on a cell phone, talking or texting.

How often do we venture out without a cell phone?  Take a drive without talking on the phone? Take a few hours to just focus on your child, your baby? 

So here’s what I got to enjoy today, because I was focused on Melina and nothing else:

1) Lots of babies everywhere, stollers, and people out for a Sunday afternoon walk

2) Singletons - were hanging out, texting or talking on their cell phones

3) Few people seemed to be buying all that much - it was more “shopping” than buying

4) Prices were the same, it seemed.  Don’t retailers know we’re in a deep recession and our disposable income no longer exists?

5) I had a psychic moment - thought of someone I hadn’t seen in a while and wondered if we’d hug or debate if we ever ran into each other - and minutes later, I found myself at Macy’s Starbucks.  I ran into a friend here that I had not seen in likely two years?  It was great to see her - we hugged - she met Melina and it was so very good to exchange a few kind words.  I had no idea she worked there.

6) I stopped to enjoy a sandwich at Panera - and watched Melina kick and get very excited about a bottle of formula.  She giggled, cackled, and delighted in Mommy’s 100% attention on her. 

Cash outlay - some gas, an iced coffee, and a frontega chicken sandwich - probably $15 total. 

Uninterrupted time with my daughter with my 100% attention on her, and seeing her 100% happiness = priceless

15th March 2009

Challenging Times 2 replies

I know a few people who are really challenged by what is happening in our economy.  One could lose her house this week.  Another couple is having a hard time getting project.  And you can add me to that list in someways.  Granted, my challenges are two-fold but sweet in a strange way.  When I decided to walk down this IVF path, I knew that there was a chance that I would not be able to run the company at the office, have employees, jet-set around the world at conferences, and work on major key accounts like Pier 1 Imports and SpaFinder Magazine, or even Levenger.  I’d grown the company to 12 employees.  I’d spoken at over 30 conferences worldwide.  I’d been asked to sit on an educational board that helped develop two SEMPO trade association courses.  I’d managed to develop a syllabus at Ohio State’s Fisher College of Business and teach two consecutive years.  So not a bad journey in 12 years, but no family, no children and thus I knew if I would head down this path of pursuing mommyhood alone, that I might sacrifice a lot work-wise. 

 This past week was challenging at best.  It takes $25 minimum to run my office.  I have clients who are struggling and putting the squeeze on us, asking for more.  You wrack your brain trying to help them with their business, and help them to attract business in a tough economy.  You hear the bad news on the TV, or on the radio every time you turn it on, which is why I stopped tuning in but once a week.  You hear friends, family and others struggling.  Some of it self-inflicted, but others not so much.  So, it’s not a huge surprise that I’m beginning to really feel the pinch in my business, and potentially at home if I don’t make some changes quickly.

I have Melina to protect, and myself as well in order to be her provider.  A few months ago I said there was a chance I’d have to give up the office space (which was a huge source of pride) in order to operate in a more lean environment.  I may be doing that this week.  I have put furniture up on www.craigslist.com and while I have someone interested in sub-letting the space, it may not be soon enough as I’m at a critical junction.  As I get inquiries on the furniture, some of it is quite hard to part with - I’m so very proud of the hard work and accomplishments that are wrapped up into the office.  But, when I look at Melina, I say that taking your business back into your home so that you can stay in business, quite frankly, and be a mom, is not so bad, in the big picture. 

I could have worked harder, smarter, better - sure, I could have.  I can always work smarter, faster, harder.  But some days there is only so much brain power to solve everyone’s problems that you can handle. 

Tonight, I ran into a neighbor who had been so very, very supportive of my desire to have a child.  She went down the adoption path instead of IVF.  She put out at least $35k, if not more now due to Homeland Security annual fees, for a Chinese child.  Nothing came of it despite notices it would be a few more months, a few times.  Tonight, I ran into her, and she started crying easily which  then made me cry and I didn’t even know what we were crying about.  Women - we are so funny about that stuff.  Anyway, an unwanted child - a third child for a 17-year old girl.  Her first pregnancy - very young - before I was even thinking of such things - 6th grade, ugh.  Shoot, that was before I even had my confirmation in the Catholic church.  How sad.  So, what my neighbor is looking at is some $15,000 or more in fees - and she’s already paid $35k in adoption fees.  She’s dedicated her life to taking care of infants and very young children.  Why is she denied a chance to be a Mother?  So many tried to tell me that it wasn’t in the plans - but that’s a cop-out.  I went through only one IVF, but many IUIs, and ICIs or whatever the heck those things are - and finally the IVF was the solution despite my concerns.  And today, as my readers know, I am happily a Mom.  So, my friend’s problems - gosh I feel deeply for her pain.  Her problems are different than losing a house, a job, cancer (another neighbor), or an office space. 

I’d say that while my struggle this week may be great, I know many who have lost so much more - so I have to remember that as I may be forced to owe $42k or more in office rent, and yet walk away from it.  I have a contract that puts me in that space till December so what will happen then, right?  If I can sell enough furniture, which I have plenty that I don’t use, then I can perhaps stay there and slowly rebuild the company in small measure.

This week I have a friend coming to visit who lost everything, home and office, in New Orleans.  They had to uproot the family of five, animals included thankfully, and move to Baton Rouge.  How hard that must have been - one cannot even conceive of how hard that must have been for them. 

So this week will be tough.  But as there are deals that on the table, and as I am happily able to work from home on these projects, with babycare available while I work from home, it’s not so bad.  I just have to get past my ego and I will have always have my memories.  There is nothing to say I can’t do this again, and of course, there is nothing to say that my property management won’t work with me.  The chances they can get someone into space for $5400 a month is not likely right now. 

Okay, signing off to return to working on my  website, which I’ve squeezed in the past week quite a bit, when I’m not posting to Craigslist.com or working on client projects.  And this in between dog/cat and Melina walks outside (two today), talking to family and friends, and a load of laundry.

So, you can imagine that my kitchen sink - well - that’s suffered as a result of my occupation elsewhere.

14th March 2009

Sometimes I Forget I Have a Baby with Me - Well, For a Nano-Second 1 reply

Today, Melina and I went for a walk.  We cannot go on a walk by ourselves when there are two rescued pets who like to take walks.  As soon as I say, “go for a ride”, or “go for a walk”, then Lucky, the dog, gets very excited.  She runs to the stairwell, and sits there ready for me to put her harness and leash on.  Then Bentley, the Sealpoint Himalayan rescued cat, decides he wants to go too.  Have you ever known a cat who likes to take dog walks?  Bentley loves walking with the dogs.  In fact, he runs much like a dog, and reminds me so much of Cody, my chow (even the back of Bentley reminds me of Cody - very thick across).  So, we all head out through the garage and into the street for our walking adventure.

Melina and the kids
Melina’s Excitement, and the Kids
On a Walk Today (whoops on the finger)

Most of the dogs in the neighborhood know Bentley, and he gets along well with some of them.  With others, he stays behind like a smart kitty.  Lucky on the other hand, is often all over the place, getting retrained to walk with control since I had Melina.   She seems a bit more protective and high-strung on a walk since Melina came along.  But that’s also because she is not getting twice daily walks, and that’s an issue with a higher energy dog like her. 

Lucky and Bentley on dog walk
Bentley way ahead of the pack
Lucky trying to catch up, pulling a bit

So, off we go on our walk, soliciting looks from passersby.  Most people know about Bentley and greet him, or roll down their window to admire the cat on the dog walk.  I figure it must make quite a picture, myself, baby in stroller, dog and cat in tow. 

Today  - where you see the red car in the corner of the picture above, there was a collared, well-fed cat.  Bentley went after him, and in fact chased him up a pine tree.  I immediately followed them to break up the fight, and for a second, realized I had just walked away from my baby, in the stroller, yes, in you guessed it - hmmm hmmm.  Shocked I turned back and figured the cats would be okay.  What the hell was I thinking or not thinking?  Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to realize that I’m in charge of two of us, and the others are just along for the ride.  We went for three rounds, and Bentley got sidetracked himself when a terrier dog came up and barked at Lucky.  Bentley decided to take a safer route home, and so we lost him for about 15 minutes.  He hugs the yards in most places, and if I say to him WAIT - BENTLEY - WAIT - if a car is coming, he will look right at me and stop, or go under a parked car or hide behind a bush.  And then when it’s safe and the car passes, or dog passes, then he will come out again.  Pretty funny.

We walk quite a ways with Bentley and Lucky, and then we take a couple of laps, weather permitting, without them.   We see neighbors who come up to admire the new addition of M.  Today several people were out, and we got to catch up with a few neighbors I hadn’t seen in a while due to the cold weather. 

5th February 2009

Having a Child is Reliving the Best of Your Own Childhood & Perhaps Rewriting 3 replies

the rest of the script that you didn’t like so much, right?

Tonight, I was having a major sugar craving.  In fact, I think I was passing a mere craving after a long day at the office, but it was a productive day.  I have worked at the office half days this week, with the exception of Monday where the office was geographically located at my house.  I worked out with my trainer today.  I was feeling as if I was catching up and accomplishing more than just a thing or two.  Melina seemed to adjust to being at the office today, probably mostly due to the gift my trainer brought me - something divine called a “swing”!  Melina slept for 2 1/2 hours (two separate naps) and gave Mommy plenty of time to get a proposal out the door.  Afterwards, I came home, fed her, cooked and ate my own dinner, and then after putting her to sleep, decided to make cupcakes.

As I was making red velvet cupcakes, determined not to eat all the icing before I served the cupcakes, I was feeling like a genuine Mom.  Moms make cupcakes for their children’s school events, for bake sales, etc.  I’ve never had the desire to bake a cake, or cupcakes, in my adult life.  But tonight, I chose to make a batch of red velvet cupcakes and vanilla icing on top.  As I spread the vanilla icing on top of the cupcakes, I realized this was something I would soon do for my daughter’s bake sales and events.  

When Mom was baking in the kitchen, it was very exciting - who was going to lick the spoon at the end of batch?  But more exciting was to see the themed event that would take place surrounding a birthday cake, and Mom’s decoration of that cake.  As I tried to decorate a cake in my early 20’s, i realized I did not have the same qualities that Mom had in baking a cake.  In fact, bluntly put, I sucked at baking and icing cakes.  My mom’s cakes - they were something out of Martha Stewart before MS really existed.  On top of that, her cakes were real - none of that yucky icing that just looks pretty on a Martha Stewart magazine cover.  My mom’s cakes were made with real buttercream icing, and with real icing florets.  I loved her icing so much, I’d rather have eaten just the icing instead of the cake. 


Freshly made red velvet cupcakes with vanilla icing and red sprinkles

So, as I impatiently slathered my “vanilla flavored Duncan Hines” icing on the warm cupcakes, I thought of my own childhood and how I looked forward to the day that I’d make these cakes for her to take to school, or bake sales, or to share.  And then I began to panic for a few moments, thinking, what if my cakes aren’t really the hit of the party.  Mom better come out here and teach me how to make cakes for Melina.  Or better yet, she could just make them herself for Melina’s birthdays - as we all have our qualities and making cakes does not appear to be in my own personal recipe book.  And then it occurred to me that having a child is perhaps a story in which we try to recreate our own childhood and live it again, taking the best parts and weaving them into our children’s lives so they could enjoy what we enjoyed as children.  We’re just retreating in some small way to relive something so innocent as an iced cupcake.  Our early childhood can be a time of simple joy remembered.


Melina - A Long Time Before Bake Sales
Are Required

For the parts of our childhood that we didn’t enjoy as much, well, we have the option to re-write the script, or perhaps choose to have an understanding that’s different once we encounter that stage of life with our own children.  Regardless, tonight, I reminisced on the good memories of my childhood as I sat there and tried to make iced cupcakes - and realized how badly I needed my own Mom to show me the ropes in the kitchen for baked goods.  Better yet, I could just ask her to make the cake and decorate it please, if you will kindly do so, pretty please, with red sprinkles on top. 

30th January 2009

Thank the LORD it is Friday Evening

Shit - I just realized I need to call another client - it’s 7:30 and I’m ready to retire for the night.  Sigh.  Friday night excitement here on another 3 degree night.  It’s supposed to get near zero, thus we’re not going anywhere.   Tomorrow will get up to 28 degrees - and Sunday - a whopping 35 degrees if we’re lucky. 

We survived our intense week of teleconferences, presentations, status meetings, diaper changes, spit-ups, shots at the doc’s office, emails and working sessions. 

Breastfeeding seems almost natural and par for the course at this stage.  10 weeks - who would have thought that I could go this long and struggle through the feeding challenges, but now, it seems like it’s all working for now. 

On a more somber note - a search marketing colleague of ours died in a plane crash this week - I didn’t know him well - but saw him in the circle of friends at the Search Engine Strategies conferences - he died, at the age of 24-something.  He had done so much.  You can see his last Tweets at www.twitter.com/martin and his Flickr photos at www.flickr.com/people/hellomartin - what an impressive person - although you wouldn’t really know much about Martin if you weren’t partying with him at the conferences.  It turns out though, after reading his blog, seeing his photos, and hearing what my colleagues had to say about him - that he lived life to the extreme fullest.  His last few Tweets were entertaining to say the least - and you could see he was fun.  That thrill seeking part of him is likely what got him killed, or contributed to his fate.  But even those of us who seek something a little more on the edge, are often lucky, and escape death throughout the years.  Martin was not so lucky.  WebmasterWorld has posted a thread on the young man.  One of his Tweets on Twitter?  “End of the year stats: 93721 miles flown, 13 countries, 72 flight segments, an OK year travelwise 3:07 AM Dec 25th, 2008 from web”

A young man in his early 20’s and yet so many knew him. What was wierd was to see his death unfold on Twitter.com. First a colleague of mine, Joe Morin (www.twitter.com/josephmorin) announced his apparent death, then Danny Sullivan -(www.twitter.com/dannysullivan) meanwhile Joe asked me via Twitter if I knew the guy. I couldn’t put a face with the name. I meet so many people at the conferences, thousands, over the years. It’s hard to remember everyone.

How bizarre to have people Twittering about your apparent death, before even the news publicly confirmed it.  As I read Martin’s Tweets on Twitter, checked out his Flickr photos in hopes of seeing his face to see if I knew (had met) the guy before, and his blog - I found myself amused by his Tweets and zest for life, impressed by his photos on Flickr, and significantly mesmerized by his blog.  It did not seem like Martin spent many days on his couch pondering what he should do with his life. 

He seized the day, experienced dreams by living them out, and travelled the world.  His brain was not only in overdrive but he made money with it.  He networked, and he succeeded, but he also had fun, perhaps a little too much fun.

I wonder how the last few moments of his life happened - what was the reason for the plane crash - was it pilot instructor or passenger error?  Looking at the plane that Martin was learning to fly - it was obvious he didn’t start simply with his desire to learn to fly - figures he’d go with something Italian and racy.  In any event, it the plane, and it’s ending, albeit tragic, seems oddly fitting for a man who lived his short life to the extra-ordinary.

I wondered if I were to be taken, what would my last 20 Tweets on Twitter look like to someone who did not know me well, but was learning more about me in death than in life; what would my blog read like as my last few entries, and what would my friends say about me (worried less about this).

Would my Tweets bring a smile to someone’s face, offer introspect, and guidance - would there be a legacy? 

Honestly, my blog and Tweets - my blog has been written into my will and testament - as to keep alive for my daughter - she should know my thoughts during my pregnancy - and along the years.  She should also know about my professional life prior to her conception and arrival.  I would want her to be proud of me.  I would want her to “know” me even in my absence.

I’m glad to see that Martin’s last Tweets showed some real humor - his blog entries - some intellect and passion - and his Flickr photos - not only a talent for taking a good photo - but obviously his subject matter was not himself - it was other people and places.  He knew a lot and he journaled it through social media.

If you didn’t know Martin, as I really didn’t, just his face at a conference pub session, or late night bar session with friends of mine, you can know a little more about the passion and the fervour with which he lived his life by checking out his online properties at www.twitter.com/martin and www.flickr.com/people/hellomartin, or his blog www.hellomartin.com

So tonight, as I re-type this blog ending since it somehow got deleted with a touch of the mousepad - I listen to my daughter sigh in her sleep, and I thank the Lord, I am home, safe, and out of the fast-lane.  I thank God I’ve lived 40 years to the fullest in my definition - and that it has the ability to include 12 years of business, many countries visited, and a daughter to add to my reality.  I am truly so very thankful for my life, and what it means today.  I am thankful for her - to God - for giving me her.  She is such a gift, and requires that my life slow down quite a bit. 

I am thankful to Twitter.com, to Facebook.com, and to my desire to learn these forms of communication so that I’m still in the loop, meanwhile I run my business and take care of my first child.  I have the luxury of taking care of us, meanwhile taking care of the business.  I am lucky to have lived and to have taken advantage of such amazing opportunities - but for now, I can say I am no longer making much sense because I am so tired.  Tired from running my biz all week, having phone calls, and taking care of M. 

Life is sweet - and as one said today - a close colleague of mine who I’ve met through the conferences mentioned above - live and learn, or in this case, this young man died and learned - tragic - as his brain is truly wasted in death for it was not wasted in life.

Do not waste your brain, your energy, your passion - live out your dreams now - because you don’t know when your ticket is called and your time is up.

22nd December 2008

All I Want for Christmas is You: Christmas Wishes Granted

There’s a great Christmas song, written by Mariah Carey,  All I Want for Christmas is You - which is #16 on Itunes.com.  While many relate the classic Mariah song to a romantic wish, I’ve often wished for a child moreso than a man at Christmas.  Although I do recall one very long prayer session at the Cathedral regarding a man on a Christmas Eve years ago ….  Tonight, as I listened to Mariah Carey sing that Christmas song on the radio, I realized I’ve been very lucky to have my Christmas wishes granted in the past few years.  Frankly they’ve had nothing to do with a physical or tangible gift or been romantically related. 

A Christmas Wish - for a Missing Cat to Come Home - Wish Granted

For example, three years ago, I wished for my cat to come home who had been missing for two weeks in very cold weather.  Misha, whom I’ve blogged about on www.bizresearch.com/searchmarketingblog, had gone missing as I went off to a search marketing conference to speak in Chicago.  Misha went missing for two weeks - but I held out hope that he would return.  I told the story which you can visit at the link above.  I had prayed to St. Francis on that day, after a series of strange events occurred, and Misha came home, just in time. 

Misha & Monroe Earlier This Year
Misha & Monroe at Dr. Griffith’s
After Max & Cody Died Earlier this Year

It’s neat to review my web traffic reports and see people search for the cat’s story - (Google search Christmas Story, Misha).  That story is how I became quite intrigued with Saint Francis.  Although if you Google “Christmas Story Misha”, you’ll not only see my story, but you’ll actually learn about another Christmas story, where an orphan Misha retells the famous Christmas story of Joseph, Mary and Jesus.   It’s ironic that my cat Misha was looking for his home, was lost, and was found not long before Christmas in 2005 by a couple of neighbors. 

A Postscript - Saying Goodbye to Misha - Three Years Later (Pictures on Flickr)

Three years later, a couple of weeks ago - Misha died - in fact, almost three years to the day that he was found after he had gone missing for 10 days.  He was nearly 18 years old when he died.  He was an amazing cat, hanging onto life by mere threads but towards the end not living a normal cat’s life.  I had taken care of him for nearly the past year with cat messes throughout the house - he had kidney disease as well as pancreatitis.  Whenever Misha was stressed or disoriented, which became the norm instead of the oddity towards the last few months, he used the bathroom in the bathtub (the lesser of all evils), on the living room carpet, or on the floor.  I had cleaned up after him for months, but it became a risk as I was pregnant to continue doing this.  On three occasions, I had called my vet to have him put down, but I just couldn’t go through with it.  There were amazing measures to which my wholistic vet, Dr. Griffith, off of W. Dublin Granville Rd. in Worthington, Ohio, and myself sought to improve Misha’s life as he got older.  Accupuncture, herbs, food changes, withholding food, hospitalization, incubation, quarantining him in a dog-sized kennel to control his litter box issues at the very end, and of course, lots of pillow love.  If Misha could not sleep on my pillow, or rest near me, with just his mitten paw touching me, he was restless.  In the last month of his life, I was having to quarantine him downstairs in a cage to control his litter box issues.  It was no life for Misha.  I’d let him out, even after I came home with Melina, for just three hours risking that he’d not use the box - but just to give Misha a sense of normalcy.  At the same time, I couldn’t risk the health of Melina for the normalcy of Misha.  When I had to leave his care to someone else, it was more than that person could handle.  And, it was time to let go. 

Misha is fondly remembered - he fought hard - he would have gladly held on just to be near me - he was an amazing, amazing cat.  I don’t want to be one of those people that gave up on an animal because a baby came home, and baby trumps long-loved cat.  But Misha had been given care over and beyond the typical for nearly three years, after he came home that Christmas in 2005.  And I fought to keep him alive because Misha fought to stay alive. 

St. Francis - Fibroid Surgery - Desire to Have a Child

In 2006, I had a really tough Christmas as I’ve blogged about before - my fibroid surgery which would hopefully enable me to keep my fertility intact and remove fibroids that were inhibiting implantation.  I ended a relationship that had no future, so that I could pursue a future with a child.  I’d pray for a child - I’d ask God to give me the chance to do this, despite being single.  I’d look up scriptures in the Bible.  I soon believed that God knew my history to accept my desire to have a child on my own.  I was scared, I cried, I was unsure of the future, but I knew I had to leave something behind in order to pursue this dream.  I knew I’d be taking risks on several fronts. 


Voyage to Antarctica December 2007

Desire to Travel to Antarctica - See Global Warming & Climate Change - Christmas Wish Granted

Last year, I went to Antarctica to learn about the plight of the penguins, which was largely in part of watching all those penguin movies while I recovered from fibroid surgery in 2006.  I hoped to return and pursue my dream of having a child, making numerous professional sacrifices as well, some of which could hurt my popularity as a business owner, professor and public speaker.  In February of this year, I began the fertility treatments and ran into some more bumps and bruises, but ultimately managed to survive with good news, as it’s obvious I now a little baby girl.

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Mariah Carey’s Christmas Song

All I Want for Christmas is You - Christmas Wish Granted

So, it is this Christmas, that I have all I could have ever dreamt of on Christmas - I don’t need a gift - I have already received the most amazing gift of all - and that is my child.  I am now a Mother.  That is truly the best gift of all - in the most innocent and simplest of ways - Mother & Child - on Christmas - what more could I ask for?  Other than her health and I don’t screw anything up - well it’s amazing, I can ask for a lot more - but nothing that is tangible.  She is the hardest challenge yet in my life.  There is not one regret or further hesitation for heading down this unusual path.  She is all-encompassing, and yet, she is as if life did not exist without her.  It’s just four weeks after her birth.   While I’m tired, “wasted exhausted”, and stressed at times on the new things I experience with her everyday - we are surely progressing - without a doubt - forward motion - going through the motions whatever they may be.


Sweet Innocence

As I write tonight, at 1:12 a.m., having pumped and stockpiled, breastfed and fed supplemental formula, brushed her growing hair and dry scalp, held her close, put her in the crib only to then hear her fart so many times it’s a wonder she’s a girl, having turned around to see her just staring at me, quietly, hiccupping away - yes, I thank God that He gave her to me.  I ask that he give me wisdom, patience, and intelligence to make the right decisions for her, to love her, to never forget to tell her I love her, and to hold her with amazing affection so that she feels wanted, loved and needed.  As my little piglet is grunting behind me - snorting - her arms folded up by her head - for the moment she is content - and life is fulfilled.  I think she snorts and blows air much like those whales I saw last year in Antarctica.

Animated Melina
Wide Awake Late At Night

By the way, Melina Francis Thieme - is named “Francis” after St. Francis - I will teach her the importance of loving and rescuing animals - just as my Mom taught me - to feed and offer warmth to the animals that are left out in the cold - and I will not forget my tiny little Misha, who was very loyal to me for nearly 18 years.  I lost three animals to old age, hyperthyroidism, cancer, and lastly kidney disease and pancreatitis earlier this year.  Misha, Max and Cody.  Ironically, I have three more - and they are all healthy, fast friends with one another, and co-existing just fine with the little baby.

Melina Francis Thieme
A Beautiful Handful

I admit - I asked God and St. Francis to give me the chance to take care of an infant - after all - I had rescued so many animals in my 20 years of being out on my own - couldn’t I have the chance to take care of a child?  So, here I am in 2008, taking care of three animals and one child, one infant - and while life is not easy right now - we are one happy family this Christmas. 

19th December 2008

Cranky

I’m cranky this morning.  It’s 7:20 a.m.  Melina did not go to sleep hardly at all last night.  She was apparently cranky too.  She was hyper or cluster-feeding which is not uncommon at night, apparently, nor when she experiences a growth spurt.  Since she has just outgrown two footed sleeper newborn outfits, I’m thinking it’s due to a growth spurt?  I have no clue, all I know is I’m cranky.  I fed her my food from the breast, from the bottle, formula - I just about cleared out of all stock at the homegrown store, plus the Similac store here at the house - within a few hours - and she kept wanting more every hour or so.  I think maybe around 3:30 or so, I figured I’d let her chill in the crib for a bit.  She did not want to sleep - it was either be fed, be held, or cry, cry, cry. 

I was up again around 5:30 - and breastfed her - what’s more upsetting.  My new Medela Freestyle pump sucks - or doesn’t, however you want to look at it.  My boobs hurt like hell, more from her than from pumping.  My rental pump needs to be returned - but I don’t have time to return it, and perhaps I shouldn’t return it, since the Freestyle doesn’t do its job well at all.  $250 on Craigslist.com and it’s no good.

I’m beyond tired.  I’m just plain cranky.  I went downstairs around 6:45 a.m. this morning and banged around in the kitchen - that made me feel better.  Melina on the other hand - she is now finally sleeping very well.  I changed her clothes, because the latest problem is faucet boobs - not leaky boobs - but faucet boobs.  I don’t think I can feed her fast enough - to match the supply at times.  Pumping makes sense to me - I can measure - I can feel confident in so many ways - but on the other hand, it’s a pain in the ass sometimes. 

I need sleep - I know that.  I need to vent.  I need to be able to get my frustration out in some healthy way - so it was making a blueberry frozen smoothie with organic fruit and yogurt - after I banged around in the kitchen. 

Working moms who are doing everything to breastfeed, at all hours of the day and night - help them - seriously.  Feed them, drop off stuff for them, do what you can to help then - because this is not easy work.  It would be so much easier, relatively, to shove a bottle of formula down a kid’s throat - relatively.  If you count easy as colicky, gassy, spit up, holding them upright - you know - relatively.  But breastfeeding - is just plain hard for most if not all women.  And, if they work on top of it, it’s downright insane at times.  But, when you look at that adorable, smirky face looking up at you, and you know that you can pacify a cry with a working boob - you can only do one thing - grin and bear the searing pain to the core of your breast at times, look up, shut your eyes for a few seconds - and focus on the good you are doing for your baby. 

The girls are coming from the office today to work on stuff.  Not quite four weeks and there is so much work to be done, that I’m needing a working session with them here at the house.  I’m beginning to have to schedule when I can see people (business and personal), in between feedings.  Some are not cool about this - and quite frankly - we don’t want to whip out a boob to feed our baby in front of you either - but literally if you choose to breastfeed - and/or pump milk - you’re doing what’s best for baby and figuring out when we can see you, or talk on the phone, or all of these things is not necessarily fun so get over yourself.  I’m cranky, I know.

My dear shiatsu practitioner would tell me I need to breathe deeper right now - or in fact, just breathe - just breathe.  I’m taking five deep inhalations right now - I’m on a journey - and there have always been helpers for the heroine along the path.  She’s taught me that, and folklore stories also demonstrate this.   

Beyond being this really brave single woman having a child on her own - I think a good cry would do me good - if only I could cry that easily.  One way to emit a good cry - watch a sappy chic flic - that always works if you have one handy or have time of course.  Or, watch Ghost Whisperer on CBS Friday night - that seems to work well too.

Okay, my frustration is down a notch.  The ocean sound soother is in the nursery - she sleeps - I need to pump with the good pump to be ready for her in an hour.  My parts need a break from her mouth.  Forgive my rambles, but sometimes you just need a way to get it out in a healthy manner.  For me, it’s often blogging although a treadmill session would also be good about now. 

5th November 2008

Warm & Fuzzy Picture of the Day 1 reply

Proof that Dog & Cat Rescues Work - Both Rescued from the Streets

As you noted in my post from November 1-2, 2008, about animal rescue and cat/dog adoption from Wyandot Humane Society - this is proof that animals can be rescued from the wild.  Lucky, the dog sleeping above, was running down the street in & out of construction traffic in Clintonville, OH - and has been a lot of work (serious amount of patience, training and patience) in the past year.  I’ve had her almost exactly one year today.  Monroe, the adorable tuxedo cat, well, he was rescued by my chow rescue dog, about five years ago (I’ve lost count) from a moving truck manifold/muffler.  He is quite feral, quite scared of strangers and trusts 1-2 people, but he befriended Cody, my chow,  immediately and now Lucky.  When Cody died in February of cancer, after having lived 12 years of a much better life after being rescued (despite being a typical and difficult chow initially), Monroe was determined to make friends with this crazy Lucky dog.  Now, they are quite close.  Monroe rules Lucky most of the time.  He’s a serious lover when it comes to dogs, though, and you’d never know that this is the same cat that runs and hides when strangers come knocking on the door. 

Both are animal rescue success stories.  I love seeing them cuddle like this.   Honestly, many said that both of these animals, including Cody, were not “adoptable”.  But they became amazing animals, and were all off the street, including Cody.  Cody came to me because the humane society dog I adopted developed Parvo, then actually was stolen after she got better (possibly by a neighbor).  I went on a three-month search for Baca, but found Cody instead.  She was a mess when I first got her.  She was surrendered by the dog owners’ parents to me.  She had been surviving on squirrel, and cheetos donated by the neighbors at the time.  But within time, and a helluva lot of work, Cody became a great chow rescue story.

Monroe came from the streets, as did Lucky.  Bentley was an outdoor cat when he came to me.  He’s become comfortable inside, although he still goes outside for dog walks with Lucky. 

In any event, as I watched election coverage tonight on CNN, this was the picture that was unfolding near me - thought you’d get a kick out of seeing two animals enjoy companionship.

Interesting to be Pregnant, Ready to Deliver (Almost), and Watch Election Coverage of Obama, President Elect Tonight

It’s an interesting time to be expecting a child right now - as a woman, as a business owner, as a new, first-time mom-to-be.  I have both hope and yes, some fear, of what the future holds for Americans and the planet’s outcome (being the environmentalist that I am).  I hope people rally to make changes within their own lives, and are willing to make sacrifices at all levels, because in order to make change nationally and globally, we have to bring about change within.  It’ll be interesting to watch markets unfold in the next day or so, domestically and internationally.

I have hope for baby girl Melina, as much as I have fear at times.  But fear can be a strangle-hold for all who succumb to it.  So, it is better to focus on the positive of what can be, and then work hard to make it a reality. 

I feel relief in many ways - mostly because I don’t have to watch election coverage anymore, other than post-mortems from both sides - but also because the unknown is nerve-wracking at times, and the fight has gone on for so long here.  Obama was nearly solemn tonight in his speech - we can say perhaps it’s a “holy camolis - now i’ve got to deliver on all those promises” - but more likely it’s a realization of the work ahead, and respect for not looking to over-celebratory. 

I pray for our future, our business, our children - that we can sustain this hope into reality - that we can make changes at all levels as needed - that we can accept the changes we are unable to make (sounds like the Serenity Prayer, yes?) - and that some person, some idiot, doesn’t tear away that hope.  I had bad feelings about Bhutto - I hope that Obama suffers nothing that mirrors what Bhutto and other trailblazers before her have suffered.  I hope we are better than that as a society, as a country - I hope we can admire what worked, understand what didn’t, and move on to something better - because we can all say for sure - that we need something better than what we have today.

2nd November 2008

Wyandot County Humane Society Visit November 1, 2008 3 replies

I have been an animal rescuer of sorts for many years.  Before me, it was my Mom rescuing cats.  I’ve rescued many a cat, and taken in a few dogs a long the way, but mostly cats.  I used to get my animals from the humane society or shelter, but in the last 10 years or so, animals seem to find me.  I don’t have to go looking for them.  Cats line up outside to be fed, at times.  They received the memo, if you know what I mean.  Recently of concern are dogs showing up on my doorstep.  I have had two dogs show up recently, one of which I was able to return to the owner.  The other, scared, confused, beautiful, would not come to me for long and I wasn’t able to stick around for long to coax him/her.  I think dogs showing up on my doorstep is a bad sign - a sign of the economy - and a sign people aren’t taking care of their dogs, or are ditching them.

So yesterday, it’s probably not a surprise that I would drive my very pregnant body up to Upper Sandusky, OH and visit the Wyandot County Humane Society as a favor to a client, but also because I’m somewhat persuaded by animal love above people at times.  It was actually a little stupid, because I ended up having to confine myself to bed with my feet raised above my heart last night.  My ankles for the first time blew up like a balloon, especially my left ankle.  I won’t be making that trip again any time soon, but I did this for the love of animals.

Black and white tuxedo cat
Black & White Tuxedo Cat - up for Adoption
In the Cat Room - Upper Sandusky, Ohio
Wyandot County Humane Society

Happy Cat for Adoption Wyandot Humane Society
Adorable Tabby Kittens for Adoption
Intake at the Upper Sandusky Wyandot Humane Society
as of November 1, 2008

Orange Marmalade Cat for Adoption - Upper Sandusky Cats for Adoption Wyandot Humane Society
Orange Marmalade Cat for Adoption
Upper Sandusky Wyandot Humane Society
as of November 1, 2008

Cat in the Intake Area - Cat for Adoption - Upper Sandusky Wyandot Humane Society
Cat in Cage in Upper Sandusky, OH
Wyandot Humane Society
as of November 1, 2008

Wyandot is a “no suffering” animal shelter.  This is not to be confused with a “no kill” animal shelter.  Regardless of your opinions about no suffering versus no kill, because I have a few of my own, I was impressed with the owners, Dave & Lynda, and the cat welfare that I saw there.  Many shelters probably find it relatively easy to adopt out a kitten, but cats are harder.  I am sure many older cats are euthanized, however, I saw many that were beautifully groomed, seemingly happy, and in rooms hardly cages. Yes, there were a few cats in cages, and lots in the intake area, and who knows what their fate will be - but many were in rooms where they all seemed to get along with each other.  They had food, water, warmth, and seemed to be okay.  I didn’t see one flea, nor did I see one fighting with another.  

The dogs - there were two that were out in the yard seemingly happy, but I felt sincere concern for the ones I saw in the intake area, in cages.  There were actually very few dogs compared to cats.  The dogs - some looked pretty bad - there was a darkness in their eyes as if they truly knew what their fate might be, or is.  I am not a fan of euthanasia in shelters, and certainly not a fan of euthanasia by gas (UGH), but also know the tremendous emotional and financial battle this must present to shelter owners who donate every waking hour and everything that they have. What do you do when ten people show up to surrender their cats, kittens, dogs, horses, goats, rabbits, and whatever else  - in one night?  If you won’t turn away these people, and you won’t request a deposit to limit the number of people who surrender their animals, what do you do?  Do you have to euthanize the animals, do you try to raise more money, do you try to adopt them out - what do you do?

I’m personally glad I do not deal with these type of business, emotional and financial decisions every day.  I could not handle it.  There is a higher calling for people like this.  Don’t get me wrong, I do my part at a micro level, in terms of helping animals.  But I could not donate my life to saving animals, nor euthanizing those that I can’t save every waking hour of my life for 25 plus years.  But Dave & Lynda have.  I give them a lot of credit for that. 

The economy is obviously hurting any charitable cause, including animal shelters and humane societies.   If you’re wondering how you’re going to pay all the bills, and you get a call at 7 p.m. from someone asking for a donation, it seems almost laughable right now, I’m impressed if you still donate right now.  While I have many affluent friends in high-tech jobs, who are highly educated and/or highly achieved in businesses around the world, I see even those people cutting back on luxury items, or some basic items in preparation for worse things to come.  So, donating money to helping the local humane society is likely to be a tough sale right now.  Humane societies can be hurting for money, and yet animal surrenders are up at the same time.  People surrendering their animals because they are losing their homes, can’t afford taking care of them, or choose not to keep to their commitments of taking care of an animal. 

Regardless of economic situations, I am not a fan of animal surrenders to shelters or humane societies.  I don’t care what the reason is - if that animal has a chance of surviving in a rescue or foster organization/home, or elsewhere, I believe in taking care of that animal until a permanent home is found.  I know that animal surrenders often end in euthanasia - and that I’m not a fan of.  But I also see other people’s side on this too - ignorance is bliss on this one topic at times.

What I am a fan of - is animal adoption, animal rescue (dog and cat, or horse rescue), and making a commitment to that animal for its lifetime, and taking care of that animal as best as you can.  When I hear about people willing to pay $800 or more for a bred dog, or cat, I think that’s crazy.  There are rescue organizations and shelters that have purebreds that people decided they did not want anymore for whatever reason (like they ate someone’s shoe, or they peed in the foyer, or they just “didn’t have time anymore”) - that are next to free (less than $100 in many cases).  You can adopt these animals after they are spayed or neutered, and ready for adoption. 

St. Bernard Dog - Intake at Upper Sandusky Wyandot Humane Society

For example, look at the St. Bernard up above - in the intake area on November 1st, at Wyandot Humane Society.  Gorgeous dog - who knows if it’s AKC with papers - who cares - it needs a good home. 

Here are a few more:

Sheepdog mix - Wyandot Humane Society
Another beautiful dog at Wyandot Humane Society

Puppy Dog Eyes - Upper Sandusky Wyandot Humane Society
This dog needs rescued from Wyandot, eh?
What puppy dog eyes!

Dogs for adoption
Dogs for adoption at the Intake Area
Wyandot Humane Society - Upper Sandusky, OH

Dogs have a way of staring right into your soul sometimes.  Some do - and then if you can respect that ability - you can see what they’re saying.  This one did just that.  I’d like to honor this dog - and hope it gets adopted from Wyandot Humane Society - actually all of these but for the ones that know how to stare you down.  You can’t blame them - they know they are likely to die anytime, any day soon.

Dog Adoption - Wyandot Humane Society
Dog - Needing Adoption

I’ve seen dog eyes like this one before - this dog needs some love and some hope

Dog In Desperate Need of Some Love & Hope
Intake dog - there is some darkness in his/her eyes - I’ve seen before
A little prayer to St. Francis of Assisi for this dog - that it can have a chance

Dog adoption - beautiful blue eyes - Wyandot Humane Society
Romper Room Dog - Beautiful Blue Eyes - Puppy at Wyandot H.S.

This one above - hopefully will get adopted on his eyes alone - beautiful blue eyes.

So, my plea goes out to people who have the financial ability to help the Humane Society right now, despite the economy, despite their own situation.  If they can take in, and care for a dog or cat, then I suggest you check out www.wyhumane.org (you won’t find pictures there yet, but you can get contact information), or consider donating to the Wyandot Humane Society in Upper Sandusky.  They have 150-200 animals at one time, and have a lot of expenses on a daily basis.  Donations are down right now, and surrenders are up.  It’s a tough situation.

Remember that animals, dogs and horses especially, are not typically wild and able to fend for themselves.  Cats can fend for themselves outside, to some degree.  They all need to be spayed and neutered.  There are numerous animals that need love and attention, and it should not matter if they are AKC.  Some of those very animals are then sent off to shelters because people are often too lazy to take care of their animals long-term.  They like them when they are cute puppies or kittens, but less so when they eat your shoes or pee on your floor (something Cody dog below never did, but newest dog Lucky has done both). 

Not to generalize here, but it’s some of us who are the problem in terms of the overpopulation of dogs and cats - some of us do not spay or neuter, some of us buy from Petland and puppy mills, and some of us are self-absorbed and not as concerned with our animals as we should be.   Some of us opt for animals over children - and that’s a whole ‘nother issue or blog entry - but so many people need to respect the commitment to animals who become our pets, who become our family.  They rely on us, solely from the day we take them into our hearts and home.  Regardless of our schedules and occupations, animals are amazingly loyal if given the chance.  They give so much, so much to us for very little expected in return.  They need a warm, loving home, food once or twice a day, and a routine.  They need affection in addition to the basics.  That’s not much required for so much love in return.

Cody & Monroe - Chow & Cat Rescued
Cody, my 12-year old rescue who died this February 2008
Monroe, who was rescued by my dog, Cody, is very alive today

I’ve created some 2009 calendars that I’m going to sell for $20 a piece, and I will donate 15% of the net proceeds to Wyandot Humane Society.  Let me know if you’re interested.  Do not order through Shutterfly, because it will cost more, and second, there will be no way to donate to Wyandot H.S.  I’ll put up some additional 2009 calendar pictures tomorrow.  These links are here for reviewing only, so you can tell me what you want - with or without captions, etc.  But please do not order through the links on Shutterfly - it will cost us more and I can’t donate then to W.H.S.

Go hug your dog and take him/her outside for a walk.  Go love on your cats and give them some affection! 
 
 

23rd October 2008

I Like to Think I Serve a Greater Purpose Every Single Damn Day

I can remember working at Baker & Hostetler, a great corporate law firm that helped me get through college, nearly 20 years ago.  I remember coming in on Mondays, talking about the weekend with a female co-worker, and as we recapped, the young woman told me I inspired her to do more.  This happened for years.  I worked there for five years from 1990-1995.  This woman made some forward progress in her life, but she was one to complain a lot.  She felt trapped at times, like she was not moving forward in any way.  I told her to stop complaining and do something about it - change - be a change driver.  Don’t just sit there and put up with it.

It’s easy to say this on the outside to someone.  When people are trapped in negative situations, they tend to get stuck - really stuck.  You can try to pull some people out, offering a helping hand, but others well, they either want to get sucked under, or they’re so far gone, nothing you do is going to rescue them.  I’ve often spent time trying to rescue others, including as you know many four-legged animals.  I remember my pastor saying something about missionary dating by some women who hope/wish/pray to change their man into something he’s never going to be.  We date the ideal of that person, not the reality.  I did that too, for a long time. 

But over the years, for some reason, many would tell me that I motivated them to change, or inspired them to work harder.  I’ve also been loved/hated for this as well.  Because some people don’t like it when you challenge them to work harder, or think smarter, or make better/wiser decisions.  That applies to employees, students, boyfriends, female friends, people you don’t even know.  But at that end of the day, I like to “think” I’ve served a greater purpose.  I like to think I’ve always been honest, or certainly tried to be.  I like to think I’ve helped someone, or a company, do something bigger and better.

I’ve had my own share of screw-ups, don’t get me wrong.  I have days where with insomnia, I’m catching up on sleep in the mornings, and I feel guilty for not doing the typical 8-6 p.m. day.  Somedays I feel that I’ve accomplished nothing.  Some days, I want to be lazy, and immerse my brain in wanderlust of stupid TV, watching someone else’s fictional life, just so I could forget my own.  But in general, I snap out of those phases, and jump back into serving a purpose.  I have been criticized by many for always fighting for something bigger, often un-doable, impossible, in many people’s eyes.  My family, my parents, my mom especially, would be the leader in this race of my doing something extraordinary would be rebundled as something stupid, un-wise, foolish, destined to fail, you name it.  The irony of failure is for some it kills us (not literally, I hope), for others it slows us down temporarily or for a while longer, for others it makes us fight that much harder.

So how does this relate to Sarah Palin?

If we can be wise about society, about people, we can see further than what is written about a person in black and white.  But what I am amazed about is the rings of emails that fly over hating Sarah Palin.  Personally, I do not care about agreeing with her or McCain, or Obama or Biden on every single little detail in their lives or accomplishments or failures.  I know that it has got to be very hard for a politician to put their neck out in the public eye so that we can all try to tear them down in some way.  We have a growing group of people that hate Obama.  We have some who think McCain is an idiot, or erratic, or whatever, blah blah blah.  But the emails that get forwarded to me about hating Sarah Palin amaze me.

We may not like everything that Sarah Palin has done - myself included.  I personally may think she wasn’t so good in the Katie Couric interview - that I’m not in agreement on polar bears and Sarah, or drilling and Sarah, or blah blah blah.  But you know, I’d say that already that woman has accomplished far more than any of her mainstream American criticizers will ever accomplish in their lives.  Yet, some of you stand there criticizing, feeding on the frenzy of negative energy, and distributing it further amongst others. 

I might ask each of you who belong to some hate-mongering group - whether it’s some against Sarah Palin, or Obama for that matter, or anyone - or perhaps 10 of the OSU students who love to write about how they hate me - if I spent the time that you do, spreading this negative energy, I would have never accomplished in life what I have, nor would I have the energy to dream up my next accomplishment.

There are so many people in this world that need help.  Perhaps you do.  There are some of us that choose to serve a greater purpose in life, to accomplish things, to put their necks on a public chopping block, to allow themselves to be criticized just so they can serve a greater purpose.  It’s nearly biblical what others choose to do - they choose to sit back and do nothing but spread negative energy, hate, and I ask you what good comes of that?

I remember a person in my life who told me after I tested positive for morphine at AEP (www.aep.com) as a result of eating some good ol’ healthy poppy seed bread from the Farmer’s North Market in downtown Columbus, and I had lost my job, been walked out of the building in front of my peers - after we were able to prove what had caused the false negative - he said to me, “Laura, some people would have been ruined emotionally by this - they would have lost it - possibly permanently - but you, for some reason, you keep on kicking.” 

There are many things I see everyday I could do better.  Some I choose to avoid.  Like cleaning out my car, or balancing my checkbook, or putting everything back the way it belongs.  I feel guilty when I don’t accomplish something in a given day.  I see others who serve such a greater purpose than me every day, and I wish I could be more like them.  But I know many who serve no purpose at all almost every day - other than to obsess over something negative.

I encourage you to do something better, positive, bigger than you - help someone else out today - and get off your ass now and do something about it.  Go help your neighbor, go rescue some poor cat or dog, go feed a homeless person, go walk your dog, go organize something, clean out something, plant a perennial that serves you and others year after year, cook something and take it to someone, or just take care of you, your mind, your body, your spirit.

And if this hasn’t motivated you, just resend this blog to me on the day I’m feeling worthless, or like I’ve not done enough.  That way, I can remember my own speech here.

G’night.  I have some work to do.