30th July 2008

Tears of Joy - Crying When You Feel Your Baby Girl Move

My mom sent a poem today that I had read a long time ago, but enjoyed reading again.  It talked about why women cry, and how God made women strong enough to handle all the challenges of being a woman, including having children. 

I mentioned the other day, while I have not had a lot of tears during pregnancy surprisingly, I’ve had a few tears in the five and a half months I’ve been pregnant:

1) Walking one evening in my neighborhood not long after my dog died, and finding out I was pregnant - I was approached by a stranger - dog and owner, where the dog pulled the owner across the street to greet me with incredible gusto, gave me a warm wagging tail hug, and I became immediately overwhelmed with emotion.  I recalled Cody’s love - just like the kind where she’d come up to me, nuzzle me, and wag her tail with such furry love and intensity - it made me think of her and miss her so terribly.  I started to cry - and then apologized for crying - poor lady and dog - must have thought me quite strange.  I do miss Cody often, and at times terribly so.   Part of me thinks that was Cody letting me know that she was okay and missed me too. 

2) When I found out I was having a baby girl - about 5 minutes later - walking out into the parking lot - and being overwhelmed with joy - such amazing emotion.

3) Placing my hands on my belly in recent days, and realizing that baby Melina is moving about after I eat and drink - and enjoying the quiet time spent with her - the last three evenings have been wonderful - feeling her move about - gurgle, and breathe - yes, I can feel her breathe.  As I was watching my belly, I then looked up above the couch and saw a photo I’ve adored for 20 years in an entirely new light.  I’ve always loved this historic painting of four young girls, all different personas, one of whom is in the middle of the rug sitting, with a doll, and looking right into the artist’s eyes.  She has long auburn brown hair, blue eyes - while her older sister looks on in the background.  There are two other young girls back by the grandfather clock.  I’ve always loved the innocence of that young girl.  I wonder how my daughter will look of course, and hope she will have that innocence and wonder about her.

I began to think about what I hope for her - and then I began to cry - but such nice tears!

I thanked God for the blessing of such hope, and began to think about a dedication of love to her in some form - for my thoughts, my musings, my hopes, my reflections for her life - and tears flowed pretty easily for a while longer.

4) Lastly, the other day, a close friend whom I’ve reconnected with recently - we were looking at baby shower invitations, and waiting for the store owner to return with the goodies we’d selected.  We recognized the value of our re-acquaintance - and what was so great - we easily expressed what that meant to us.  How wonderful!  Communication at its best. 

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