26th October 2008

A Continuation of Funny Pregnancy Dreams

I’ve written about my funny and strange pregnancy dreams before and put them under the Invitro section, if you care to venture into that section.  You can find it on the right.  I’ve had a couple of interesting dreams the past couple of nights, that I figured it was time to journal them.

I had my first “delivery” dream.  Before, I would dream about the baby already being here, grown, but this was the first delivery dream, which makes sense now that I’m four weeks out from a scheduled c-section.

Many people have said to me that Melina will come early - I know a few women who’ve delivered early, as much as four weeks early, which is exactly where I’m at in the pregnancy stage.  Four weeks to delivery date.  Holy camolis (I say camolis instead of cannolis).  ;-)

So, while I’ve got everything planned out, as much as plans can take place, for the week of the delivery, which happens to be Thanksgiving, there is no way that any doctor or I could predict the actual arrival date if Melina chooses to come earlier.  Since movement takes place mostly during the evening, after 7 p.m. until around 1 a.m., which is then followed by another bad night of sleep and discomfort, it’s even more telling of my obvious concerns of the delivery date and what might happen.

I need a c-sec because of my fibroid surgery, or technically known as myomyectomy, which I had two years ago.  It’s due to the uterus reconstruction as well as the incision type and the risk for uterine rupture.  I fought my doctor on this several times but gave up on it the last time he warned of catastrophic risk to me and/or Melina.  Being single girl, and certainly wanting to live another 40 plus years, I let it go finally.  But in my pregnancy dream the other night, Melina came early, naturally I might add.  In fact, I was going to have to deliver that baby myself it turned out.  It’s funny the visuals that clearly come to you in pregnancy.  I didn’t recall labor pain or anything like that, the baby was simply just down there - I could feel her head.  But the visual I had was one of those adorable baby dolls, and her face was facing out, just like one of those little perfect baby dolls.  I laughed because that’s hardly what you see in pregnancy videos - the baby has just been through quite a journey, and hardly would arrive in such a perfect state. 

Yesterday morning, I was cleaning and came across an old FitPregnancy magazine - on the cover of which - said, “How to Deliver Your Own Baby”.  This was a little too much coincidence for me to handle, regardless of the randomness you can imagine.  They referenced a few supplies you should have, including a baby eye and nose aspirator and a sterile pair of scissors.  Things to add to the car emergency kit?

So, last night, I dreamt there was a painting on the wall of my deceased cat, Max, who died back in late January 2008.  I miss him at times.  I was studying the painting on the wall and its likeness or not-so-likeness, but then at that moment, Max walked across my bed.  I knew it was him, because I could feel his belly paunch below.  I hugged him and loved on him.  Then I noticed that the nearby window in my room, which was quite high up, had a screen flapping.  I could see Misha already heading out the window.  I went over and saw that all of my cats had decided to jump through the window.  I was concerned they would fall down the shingles several floors below.  I was able to rescue each, but as soon as one got inside, another appeared to be outside, somehow. 

I know that Misha is in his final days - he makes a lot more noise than he used to - and basically what all these dreams are about is being to take care of another, in an innocent state where they are truly 100% dependent on you.  I am worried at times that I won’t be able to take care of a tiny baby - but know that’s normal from all I’ve read about any first-time mom.  As I hold a cat, I try to tell myself that I’ve not been afraid to hold many a rescue animal, so why am I afraid of holding my baby the first time?  I won’t break her - another common fear of course.  These are very normal fears so don’t read too much into this blog post, for those of you who might.

 I look forward to meeting Melina and holding her, to seeing her face, to cradling her in my arms, to hearing her, to watching her, to being with her.  The other night as I was driving back from some place, and as I admired the silence in my car, I realized that soon, there will never be a silent moment (or for long that is), in my car, or in my home again, or wherever I go.  I will always have Melina’s sounds (good, bad, loud, crying, you name it, right?). 

As Melina gets bigger, harder and longer in my uterus and tummy, and as her presence is very known at night these days, while I don’t enjoy the discomfort I love the response communication I am now forming with her.  The other night she was in a very uncomfortable spot.  I was up at night, and her head was protruding a bit from my tummy.  I moved her a bit, and sure enough, she responded and moved into another spot, which was more comfortable for mommy, and hopefully for her?

I loved feeling her response to my hand on my belly.  I look forward to a more engaged response when she sees me for the first time, and we get that first moment of communication.  As that only lasts for a while, right?  I see children of all ages definitely not responding to their parents in stores - screaming at the top of their lungs - and I can only chuckle inside.  For now, it’s all a quiet amazement of wonder - that will change in a very short period of time - which I hope is four weeks long.

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