28th March 2010

The Working Mother Balancing Act

The past ten weeks have not been easy as a mother.  I changed my child’s daytime care and it’s been a  major transition in a few ways.  Every person that tells you that having your children in daycare is good because it increases their immunity - yes, that’s true.  But the first year is a pain in the ass.  Simply put.  From an “improving immunity” perspective.

The flip side? Socialization.  Movement.  Conversation.  A number of positive influences in many ways.

The reality is that your kid gets sick more often when he or she is in daycare.  You might try to vitamin infuse your kid more often.  I should buy stock in CVS or over-the-counter solutions.  I’ve got Whole Foods Wellness solutions, prescription strength Vitamin C and D that my awesome pediatrician gave me, multi-vitamins, healthy food,etc.  But at the end of the day, when a tummy flu bug comes crawling into my kid’s room, there is only so much that one can do.

I think a lot of the problem relates to how little these daycare rooms are cleaned.  They clean certain things once a week - once a week?  There is a lot of super bacteria that can grow in a week.  Other things get cleaned once a month. So, it’s not a surprise that these kids get sick often.

The other day I walked into daycare with my kid.  Every single kid in that room was crying his or her head off.  They all had runny noses.  My kid wasn’t feeling that great either.  In fact, I knew my kid was feeling rotten.  She didn’t have a fever.  She had no tummy bug.  But, I could see that “look” in her eyes.  I hated having to drop her off.  I had cancelled two morning and early afternoon meetings.  But I had one meeting that I could not reschedule.  I had to manage at least one phone call with a client, a new client preparing to go through a major transition.

I was gone for just a few hours.  My afternoon was incredibly intense.  The negotiations, the questions, the conversation, the schedule, the influence on decisions that need to be made - preparation and presentation of materials —-  By the time I picked her up - it was clear that my kid was feeling even worse.  They told me she’d had a blowout.  They told me that every room in the daycare had the tummy flu.  I knew the weekend would be a difficult one.

During the day, it’s taking care of my kid’s needs.  At night, almost every night, I’m working to catch up on “thinking time” that is required for so much of my job.  I’ve learned I can get organizational tasks done now, in general, during the weekend days.  My kid is walking now, so while I have to watch more of what’s she getting into, she also is happy just to be near wherever I’m at.  So, as long as she can see what I’m doing, then she’s in a reasonably good mood, even when she’s sick.  There is more holding for no real reason, however, when she’s under the weather.  Then, at night, it’s back to work.

I have something big that came up just last week at work.  It’s a project due by tomorrow.  And, to get it done, I’m likely to  have to stay up late, get just a few hours of sleep, and counteract that with love and joy first thing in the morning for my kid.   It’s not that work stress that is hard to handle, in general terms.  It’s not the stress of having a kid.  It’s the balance of the two.  It’s the 72-hour stress of a child that cries, who doesn’t feel good, who requires five sheet changes, in 24 hours, piles of laundry, and 72 hours of not eating a regular meal, or just the overall stress that you feel when your kid has the tummy flu, further impacted by a worsening head cold.

You fantasize about sleep as a working mother.  In fact, I’d say if you are a working mother, business owner, it’s worse.  I had help today, but it didn’t matter. Just because you have help, doesn’t mean that you can get sleep during that time.  I laid awake listening the entire time to my kid.  I might have drifted for a few moments, but not that long.  I heard my kid fall and begin to cry.   My head was pounding to the point of requiring Excedrin.  I was so incredibly tense.  My friend had done a good job of occupying her time, but it was clear that she just wanted Mommy.  The house was a mess.  It was time to feed her, or try finding something she would feel like eating without throwing.

So, tonight, I have work to do.  I am blogging for a little bit, just to come down from the weekend’s stress.  I feel a little robbed of a weekend.   It was not a fun weekend.  It was not a carefree weekend.  But what I loved?  The best part of my weekend?  To make my night’s transition easier, I rocked my kid to sleep tonight.  Normally, I’d rock her for a little bit after story time.  She threw things - she is teething on top of everything else.  She continues to feel bad.  So, tonight, I rocked her until she completely fell asleep.  I realized I had not been conscious of my own breath the entire weekend.  I continued to rock her as I watched her begin to breathe deeply - the kind when one sleeps peacefully.   It was then that I remembered to thank God for this life, all of it, no matter how hard it is. There will be days where there are no rocking chairs, or cribs, or changing tables in my life.  No messy diaper changes, no snot rubbed on my shoulder, no constant sheet changes.  But for right now, this time, was good.  I wanted only to capture the time I had with her in this way, and not give it up so quickly only to head to my computer.

I came into my living room.  I watched the fish swim around in the tank.  I pulled out an old Seanne Corn Vinyasa Yoga DVD and put it in.  I did just 10 minutes of Yoga.  My daughter started coughing so bad, that I had to interrupt it and try to help her.  I went back and started up my computer.  The Yoga DVD would wait.  But I felt a little calmer, and I was breathing a little better, after the Yoga and a few Puffs Plus.