13th February 2010

That Poppy Seed Seinfeld Episode Again

in 1996, I should have known it was going to be a really hard year when I looked out my window to see a very sick possum on my 2nd floor apartment doorstep.  He cornered me on that little stoop for hours.  I couldn’t get out.  I had to fight him with a broomstick; he almost fell off - maybe he did - I don’t remember but he left not long after the broomstick.  That was the omen.  The Year of the Possum?  I looked it up years later … is a possum bad luck?

In February of 1996, I had a scheduled drug test.  I was a contract employee for American Electric Power (AEP).  I had enjoyed my position as a market researcher.  I liked who I worked for.  I was given numerous opportunities for growth.  But one day that all came to a quick halt - when I tested positive for opiates after eating poppy seed bread.

Seriously, poppy seed bread.

I’ll never forget being walked out by four men in that office.  I was a blithering, crying mess.  One of my co-workers, a big Seinfeld fan, said “Watch out for those poppy seeds”, as I was being walked out the door.  I had no idea what he meant.  I later learned that the original Seinfeld episode occurred the night before I received the phone call from the HR department to come downstairs.  Now, I know what a call at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon means.  ;-)

I called an attorney I worked for, many years ago.  He knew my character inside and out.  I called my Mom - she says to this day it was the worst call she had ever taken from me.  My Dad flew out here to advocate for me.  The lawyer said later, once everything was resolved, that I was a bit off my rocker that day.  I was indeed hysterical.  I felt persecuted.  I had never done drugs.  I had fought to be the clean one in high school, college - and now I was being accused of doing opiates?  Morphine? It was highlighted in yellow on my letter of termination from AEP.  I’ll never forge.

But I hadn’t done drugs.  I had eaten some really good bread from the North Market in downtown Columbus.  The lawyer I used to work for instructed me to go to a particular hospital, walk in to the emergency room, and ask to get a drug test.  Can you believe I did this?  Yep.  Can you imagine going to your local hospital and walking in and asking for a drug test in the emergency room?  Anyway, I did.  I learned you could test positive for cocaine if you drink a gin and tonic.  That was my favorite drink at one point.  I could have cocaine and opiates in my system, had I gone out the weekend before my drug test, according to learning the types of food and drink that can cause “false positives”.

Well, so I got my job back.  I didn’t really get my record cleared.  I ended up losing my job again from that company, one year later.  I think my reputation was so tarnished, and few people knew that poppy seeds really caused a positive drug test, that whenever the story came up again during job reviews, etc., that it was a question mark.  Did she or didn’t she?

If it had not been for testing positive for drugs, as a result of eating poppy seed bread, I would have never started Bizresearch, a search marketing analytics company.  I had to fight so hard to get my job back in 1996.  I had no idea I’d have to fight 100 times harder to start a company and make a go of it.  But in 1996, I learned I had resilience.  I’ve been surviving off of that character building lesson ever since.

Tonight, a friend who knows my story, who used to work with me at Bizresearch, wrote me and said the infamous Seinfeld Episode of Elaine testing positive for poppy seeds was on the air.  I switched over to that channel from the Opening Ceremony of the Winter Olympics on NBC.  I got a kick out of the story all over again.  Elaine’s desperation is so funny to watch.

1996 continued to be very challenging for me.  I got hit by a car not long after the poppy seed situation.  Not hard, just on my elbow.  I was bringing donuts into AEP.  It was wierd.  Just a contusion - just a warning.  Hard enough to knock me, but not throw me off my feet.  Then, in November of that year, I did get knocked off my feet, in a skiing accident.  I tore my ACL - it’s another very funny story.  But I couldn’t believe it - I was going to have to endure eight months of rehab, surgery, a lot.  I ended up being tested for M.S., thankfully it was negative.  I had the surgery.  I went through more rehab.  I lost my job again from the same company mentioned above.  Something about asking to have a color printer.  I received no unemployment - because of a technical glitch - AEP had to pay, but I had worked for four days as a temporary secretary to put food on the table - and for that, I became ineligible for unemployment.

I walked dogs.  I worked at East Side Marios.  I worked at Gateway.  I was at every Chamber Event, from multiple chambers.  I networked like crazy.  That was before cell phones, LinkedIn, blogging, and Facebook.  I spoke at conferences.  I offered seminars.  And then all of a sudden, I had my first contract.  That was September of 1997.  I felt very alone on many levels.  I was broke, but I did it. I accomplished something great, for which I will always be proud of.  I’m still friends with one of those men that walked me out of the company.  In fact, I actually co-taught a seminar with him to some of the AEP folks years later at an industry event.

Poppy seeds were just the beginning of a very difficult time in my life, but if it had not been for that experience, I would not have started Bizresearch, nor would I have had the inner strength to do all that I’ve done since.