30th January 2009

Thank the LORD it is Friday Evening

Shit - I just realized I need to call another client - it’s 7:30 and I’m ready to retire for the night.  Sigh.  Friday night excitement here on another 3 degree night.  It’s supposed to get near zero, thus we’re not going anywhere.   Tomorrow will get up to 28 degrees - and Sunday - a whopping 35 degrees if we’re lucky. 

We survived our intense week of teleconferences, presentations, status meetings, diaper changes, spit-ups, shots at the doc’s office, emails and working sessions. 

Breastfeeding seems almost natural and par for the course at this stage.  10 weeks - who would have thought that I could go this long and struggle through the feeding challenges, but now, it seems like it’s all working for now. 

On a more somber note - a search marketing colleague of ours died in a plane crash this week - I didn’t know him well - but saw him in the circle of friends at the Search Engine Strategies conferences - he died, at the age of 24-something.  He had done so much.  You can see his last Tweets at www.twitter.com/martin and his Flickr photos at www.flickr.com/people/hellomartin - what an impressive person - although you wouldn’t really know much about Martin if you weren’t partying with him at the conferences.  It turns out though, after reading his blog, seeing his photos, and hearing what my colleagues had to say about him - that he lived life to the extreme fullest.  His last few Tweets were entertaining to say the least - and you could see he was fun.  That thrill seeking part of him is likely what got him killed, or contributed to his fate.  But even those of us who seek something a little more on the edge, are often lucky, and escape death throughout the years.  Martin was not so lucky.  WebmasterWorld has posted a thread on the young man.  One of his Tweets on Twitter?  “End of the year stats: 93721 miles flown, 13 countries, 72 flight segments, an OK year travelwise 3:07 AM Dec 25th, 2008 from web”

A young man in his early 20’s and yet so many knew him. What was wierd was to see his death unfold on Twitter.com. First a colleague of mine, Joe Morin (www.twitter.com/josephmorin) announced his apparent death, then Danny Sullivan -(www.twitter.com/dannysullivan) meanwhile Joe asked me via Twitter if I knew the guy. I couldn’t put a face with the name. I meet so many people at the conferences, thousands, over the years. It’s hard to remember everyone.

How bizarre to have people Twittering about your apparent death, before even the news publicly confirmed it.  As I read Martin’s Tweets on Twitter, checked out his Flickr photos in hopes of seeing his face to see if I knew (had met) the guy before, and his blog - I found myself amused by his Tweets and zest for life, impressed by his photos on Flickr, and significantly mesmerized by his blog.  It did not seem like Martin spent many days on his couch pondering what he should do with his life. 

He seized the day, experienced dreams by living them out, and travelled the world.  His brain was not only in overdrive but he made money with it.  He networked, and he succeeded, but he also had fun, perhaps a little too much fun.

I wonder how the last few moments of his life happened - what was the reason for the plane crash - was it pilot instructor or passenger error?  Looking at the plane that Martin was learning to fly - it was obvious he didn’t start simply with his desire to learn to fly - figures he’d go with something Italian and racy.  In any event, it the plane, and it’s ending, albeit tragic, seems oddly fitting for a man who lived his short life to the extra-ordinary.

I wondered if I were to be taken, what would my last 20 Tweets on Twitter look like to someone who did not know me well, but was learning more about me in death than in life; what would my blog read like as my last few entries, and what would my friends say about me (worried less about this).

Would my Tweets bring a smile to someone’s face, offer introspect, and guidance - would there be a legacy? 

Honestly, my blog and Tweets - my blog has been written into my will and testament - as to keep alive for my daughter - she should know my thoughts during my pregnancy - and along the years.  She should also know about my professional life prior to her conception and arrival.  I would want her to be proud of me.  I would want her to “know” me even in my absence.

I’m glad to see that Martin’s last Tweets showed some real humor - his blog entries - some intellect and passion - and his Flickr photos - not only a talent for taking a good photo - but obviously his subject matter was not himself - it was other people and places.  He knew a lot and he journaled it through social media.

If you didn’t know Martin, as I really didn’t, just his face at a conference pub session, or late night bar session with friends of mine, you can know a little more about the passion and the fervour with which he lived his life by checking out his online properties at www.twitter.com/martin and www.flickr.com/people/hellomartin, or his blog www.hellomartin.com

So tonight, as I re-type this blog ending since it somehow got deleted with a touch of the mousepad - I listen to my daughter sigh in her sleep, and I thank the Lord, I am home, safe, and out of the fast-lane.  I thank God I’ve lived 40 years to the fullest in my definition - and that it has the ability to include 12 years of business, many countries visited, and a daughter to add to my reality.  I am truly so very thankful for my life, and what it means today.  I am thankful for her - to God - for giving me her.  She is such a gift, and requires that my life slow down quite a bit. 

I am thankful to Twitter.com, to Facebook.com, and to my desire to learn these forms of communication so that I’m still in the loop, meanwhile I run my business and take care of my first child.  I have the luxury of taking care of us, meanwhile taking care of the business.  I am lucky to have lived and to have taken advantage of such amazing opportunities - but for now, I can say I am no longer making much sense because I am so tired.  Tired from running my biz all week, having phone calls, and taking care of M. 

Life is sweet - and as one said today - a close colleague of mine who I’ve met through the conferences mentioned above - live and learn, or in this case, this young man died and learned - tragic - as his brain is truly wasted in death for it was not wasted in life.

Do not waste your brain, your energy, your passion - live out your dreams now - because you don’t know when your ticket is called and your time is up.

28th January 2009

Dpat Vaccination on Thursday

My pediatrician’s office called today - good thing too, since I thought my appointment was Thursday and instead, it’s tomorrow.  But, I have other things planned with work, so they were nice enough to move it till Thursday.  I’m trying to completely take Thursday off so if Melina is upset after her shot, I can be prepared somewhat.  She was fine after her Hep B shots (received two), but DPaT is a stronger vaccination (diptheria, pertussis and tetanus all in one shot).  That’s a lot of live viruses to put into a 2 month old baby (9 weeks old on Monday). 

What would be worse is if I let them go with the “schedule” of vaccinations - which would also include the Polio virus vaccination, the Hib, I don’t know there would be six or seven shots.  Can you believe that?  What are the American Pediatrics Inst. thinking?  I mean, if there is an epidemic of autism cases at 1 out of every 150 kids, why do we think it’s okay to give all these shots at once?   Even if there is not enough proof yet, or ever, why risk it?  Why risk giving all these live viruses to babies at once?  Pneumonia, polio, diptheria, pertussis, tetanus, meningitis - sure - yes, to a 9 week old baby.  Oh God!

I guess there is a 12-13 day window after the DPaT shot to monitor.  Bad story if you Google it about a baby who died …. we don’t want to go in to details on that one - we just want good baby energy here.

Melina is doing great though - I’ve enjoyed about 10 days of her being just fine.  The jaundice, sacral dimple, spinal cord at L2, cold that lasted three weeks, tummy bug that lasted 36 hours - right now, we’re settling into some sort of routine on most days.  It’s all good - so one shot on Thursday should be okay. 

 I do think I want to get her spinal cord looked at again in the next couple of months as she has grown so much (as normal babies do at this stage), and make sure her cord isn’t tethering or showing potential of such.  I’d rather be over protective with something serious like that.

I talked to a colleague of mine about his autistic child.  He said after one of the many vaccinations, three days later, his kid’s lights went out in a matter of speaking.  He doesn’t remember which one - they’ve blocked it out mentally - and it wasn’t until a year or so later that they figured out what was wrong.  He felt uncomfortable with the number of shots that the pediatrician wanted to give at one time (due to the official schedule), but he went ahead with it, since it’s recommended by the American Pediatric Inst. He said it costs him a substantial amount of money for treating his child - about $40-$70k a month something crazy like that.  He also referenced insurance not paying for autism treatment, unlike Down’s Syndrome.  Is that right?  Ugh.

But for now, we thank God, that all is well - very well with little Melina.  She’s such a bright spot in my life.

 

20th January 2009

Wishing the Milk Truck Would Stop By

It’s 6:45 p.m. - I’m trying to squeeze 8 hours of work in two hours.  My daughter is sleeping - yes, I know, it’s not a good time for her to sleep - but she was cranky and I was anxious to work.  So, since she slept, I was game, but I know I’ll pay the piper tonight.  The time passes so fast when you’re nursing.  All I can think of right now, as I have a million things to do - is why can’t the milk truck just stop by and deliver.  Instead, I’m the milkman, or dairy farmer, or cow, or however you want to look at it.

Producing milk is exhausting at times because it’s all about truly - you are what you eat and drink.  If you haven’t eaten and drank enough - well then don’t expect a lot of product.  If you haven’t slept enough -that affects things too.

Yesterday was a good day for milk woman - today - not so good.  But as my Mom asked me and said it was okay if I was ready to switch to just doing formula - no can do.  I fought for 4 years to have a baby - I won’t give up on producing milk after just two months.

And then you realize, you’ve made it two months - eight weeks - with nursing - that’s not bad.  The first three weeks were horrible - but now, it’s easier.  You know what works, what doesn’t.  You have to eat, drink and sleep to produce.  And, when that doesn’t happen, you see production drop. 

And, when production drops, for me, I choose formula - but when you know that there are chemicals and BPA things in your baby’s formula and plastic liners - that’s not so good.  Second, it also requires a run to the store - which again, is hard in 15 degree weather.  Or how about minus 10 degrees over the weekend (one night in particular).

So, tonight, it’s 20 degrees and I’m going to have to go out and get some more formula.  I have some Similac Sensitive Stomach - have you seen the label?  The first ingredient - the FIRST ONE - is CORN SYRUP - yes, that right there makes me want to eat some more protein.  Of course, poor Melina - the amount of sugar I consume on a rough day - might as well just pour corn syrup into her mouth.

A few too many marshmallows last couple of days - okay back to work.  Had to vent for a minute or two.  ;-)

Very Exciting News — Melina Grabbed Her Foot During a Diaper Change 1 reply

I have some incredible news to share - Melina has offered me some great moments during diaper changes.  THE MOST EXCITING - ???? Tonight, at the 11:30 p.m. feeding, she grabbed her foot - her left foot.  I was so excited - I was wondering when she’d get coordinated to grab it. 

Funny moment during diaper change earlier today - she farted (toot toot - should be more polite in my writings) and her blue eyes got real big, and she put the back of her hand in front of her mouth - like Oh my Gosh - I am so sorry to have tooted.  Hee hee.

If she is that polite of a child, she’s going to need therapy when she finds out that her mother wrote blog entries about her farting, as well as to what she did during diaper changes.

Okay, so last funny story - about a diaper change.  Yesterday, we went off to Whole Foods.  April asked me if I needed help going into the restroom for a diaper change.  I was going to do my first diaper change using one of those diaper change tables, and yes, even, breastfeed afterwards (discreetly of course) in the eating area.  Whole Food granola crunchies - perfect place to start my public feeding excitement.  I was nervous but figured April could be my moral support.

Mommy & Melina at Whole Foods
Mommy & Melina at Whole Foods - Mommy Still
Looking Rather Chunky Monkey 8 Weeks Out
Melina looking perfect - Doesn’t Gerber Need an Updated Photo?

Anyway, I go in to the restroom with Melina and my cute little diaper changing thingie - no sooner did I get in there - Melina let a big rip in my hands - and I knew this was more than a “toot - toot”.  Melina had not gone for two days, and I told Mom that Melina had a way of making up for it later.  So, she sure did - right there at Whole Foods.  Needless to say that kind of diaper change was not the kind I wanted in public at the Whole Food GROCERY STORE of all things.  Lordy, Lordy. 

I’m not sure what was funnier - Melina and the moment of crisis - or the funny people that walked into the restroom - all quite interested in our diaper change.  An old lady walked up with her two grand daughters, or great-grand daughters - right up to the changing table - face right at Melina’s butt.  All I could say, as I tried to cover Melina’s explosion - was “Oh no, you have to back away because you can’t touch a baby when she’s so young - she doesn’t have immunity yet”.  They looked at me like I was an idiot.  Grandma was kind and defended me.  I told her that Melina had just had an explosion and not a good time to come calling on new baby.  Then the other women that came in - and looked down on me and my humorous moment of mommy hood with understanding and kindness - one lady told me how many diaper changes a day was healthy - three you know?  How funny.  Everyone’s got an opinion to share - you know my dear, it’s okay that she has three bowel movements a day.

I called April in and we went through a slight panic stage.  She wheeled in the stroller - that I so cavalierly figured I didn’t need - I sent her off to get clothes - which we ended refusing to purchase because they were so overpriced - why pay $35 for a little outfit she will outgrow.  I’m on the $5 clearance waiting list….  :-)  So, we chose to swaddle her in the blanket I had planned to drape my feeding with her, and put her in the fleece sweater I had by chance. 

lesson learned - TAKE CHANGE OF CLOTHES, AT LEAST ONE CHANGE OF CLOTHES FOR EXCURSIONS - even if it’s just going to the grocery story

So, after April and I got her changed and everything cleaned up - gosh that stuff goes everywhere - oh my goodness - it was if we could have really benefitted from a very large, stiff Vodka Tonic - or forget the tonic and keep the Vodka flowing.  We walked out of the bathroom nearly an hour later -looking a little worn out - albeit that we had giggled our way through it, out of exasperation to some degree on how it is that I didn’t have a change of clothes for her, and there was no way I was putting Melina back in “those clothes!”  Melina was fine though - she was so content the entire time -staring up at all the people staring down at her - just clicking away -  I think she was rather relieved quite frankly.  Poor thing -  prior to this moment she did look rather consternated in the dairy section - now we know why.

Okay, now I’ve really given her cause for therapy.

Gotta try to nap for a little bit before her next feeding.

Toot- aloo! 

17th January 2009

Organization of A First-Time Mom

It’s 10 below zero here in Columbus, Ohio.  We stayed in for the past two days.  When you are forced to look at the inside of your walls for 48 hours straight, you begin to see the need for some serious cleaning.  The challenge is for newbie Mom - when?  When do I clean?  It seems I no sooner start a cleaning project and I’m needed somewhere else.  Or, I am lucky to get one room, or one part of a room clean, only to create a new project in another room.   It is a major disaster at times.  Christopher said that the house looked like a baby bomb went off in it.  

So, in addition to getting several hours of phone consultation time with clients and employees/contractors this week, I was able to get caught up on some housework and get some organization in place.  Melina seems to be settling into a routine - and thus, perhaps I am as well to some degree.  Friday nights are great - there is no pressure for what work is due tomorrow - and I can settle in to watch a couple of good shows and begin to feel relaxed.

I have an activity-based item for her in each area of the house, so I can place her in or on this item for 30 minutes or so during “activity” time after eating.  I need to work on getting more tummy time in with her, but it’s so cool to watch her react to the activity gym with the items that hang down over her head.  She hits it with her hands and feet - and reacts, occasionally cooing or smiling.   Absolutely love watching her do this.

I am thankful tonight.  Okay, nightime feeding done - time for sleepytime.

16th January 2009

Figuring Out the Work Thing

Okay, this part is hard, really hard.  I’m not ready to have babysitter or nanny yet - I think maybe three months will be appropriate for a couple of hours each day, four days a week.  We’re not at 2 months yet, so I have some time to confirm a possibility there.  So, right now in order to get work done, thinking stuff, like strategy stuff, I have to do it at night, overnight.  It’s the only way - and it’s hard, really hard.

Okay - nuff said.

14th January 2009

Fear & Love - Two Emotions We Live Everyday

As a first-time mom, a title us “new moms” hear often, there are two emotions we live every day.  It’s interesting to note which emotion we spend more time on, as a first-time mom.  As a business owner, with extraordinary yet unmet responsibility, as a woman, and as a mother with daily fulfilled responsibility, it’s not hard to figure out where these two emotions, fear and love, enter your day and your mind.  It’s said, that we only experience these two emotions - everything we think and feel is either fear-based or love-based. 

 Okay, so I caught a little bit of Ellen Degeneres yesterday, I admit it.  I forget the guy’s name, but I’ve seen him before on channel surfing moments passing through PBS’ money-raising episodes.  He is a motivational speaker, he’s bald, about 60 plus, maybe near 70?  I don’t know, Google him.  Anyway, I’m not sure I believe that everything we do is fear-based or love-based but the more I think about it, as if I have time to sit here and ponder all day, many thoughts as first-time mom can be and are fear-based. 

So before you go to bed at night, this guy says we should spend five minutes on love-based thoughts instead.  It’s not hard to think about all the things that could go wrong, or that might already be wrong, when your tiny little newborn infant is crying, making all those god-awful sounds at night, and is hot to the touch.  Or, when you think about introducing eight viruses into your baby for vaccinations when we had fewer than that by far as kids growing up in my generation.  I’m not going to ignore my fears about the multitude of vaccinations administered at one time, and thus continue to do my research, but surely throughout the day I could have a few less fear-based thoughts. 

I thought about Melina and all the issues I’ve had as first-time mom, but also with her specifically.  It’s easy to get caught up in fear-based thoughts about her well-being.  But do I forget to focus on simply “love”?  Am I simply Loving her enough?

As thoughts often lead to actions, I want to focus more on love-based thoughts when it comes to her well-being.  As the days pass by, from one breastfeeding moment to a wardrobe change for both of us due to spit-up or worse, as it’s easy to get lost in the hours of intense responsibility - I need to make sure that Melina feels my emotion of love for her, not just “responsibility” or fear-based thoughts about what she needs. 

Last night, I stumbled upon some breastfeeding support at Riverside Hospital - and received a lot of wonderful regarding my own health and wellbeing, as well as Melina’s health.  I met another breastfeeding mom with her adorable son.  I met two women who work at the lactation consultant facility - and was so thankful to receive help that was pertinent to many frustrations of being a breastfeeding mom. 

Okay, back to checking emails at 5 in the morning after feeding her.

8th January 2009

Mishmash, ABC Private Practice Episode on Vaccinations

It’s been a mishmash of a day today.  The last 24 hours Melina has not been feeling too well, it seems, an upset tummy perhaps.  Well, all I know, is she has the squirts and she’s wanted to be in my arms constantly.  Just like the last time she got sick.  She only wanted breastmilk, again like the last time, and spit up formula.  I did pretty well at not giving her much formula today, and when I did, I only put an ounce in with the breastmilk.  Breastmilk makes poops loose anyway - so don’t want her to get dehydrated.  Only problem, she didn’t seem to want to eat that much.  I tried putting her down for a nap, and she didn’t want to do that either, that is, unless I was with her.  So, that’s what we did, took a long nap together.  It felt really good.  My apologies to work.  I’m making up tonight for it, though, and am feeling like the brain is working well for solving a huge problem for a client.  She slept again for a long time in my arms on the couch, sound asleep.  So peaceful, so sweet.

They are talking right now about vaccines on ABC’s Private Practice.  I wonder if it’s a close mirror to the actual 7-year old kid, as there is reference to a 7-year old with measles, they are in California, and her husband is in Switzerland.  The woman says no to vaccinations for her son, because her other son was normal until age 2, and then after that got autism and went into his own silent little world.  She is refusing to vaccinate the youngest boy as well, out of the three sons.  Melina is only two weeks away from her vaccination schedule.  I want to ask my doc to split up the vaccination.  I am absolutely in favor of getting the major vaccs - don’t think otherwise - but don’t agree with 7 or so vaccs in one doc visit.  I’d like to have the big ones, but question the need for 6 or 7 at a time.  The doctor on Private Practice ends up trying to save the little boy, when he stops breathing.  He then leaves the room, and without permission from the mother, goes into the waiting room where the two brothers are, and vaccinates the younger boy.   Definitely ABC’s Private Practice is making a point about the dangers of not vaccinating your kid, the exposure for everyone and its headache to society, even though there is a kid with autism.  The child with measles - ends up dying.   Very dramatic episode and statement.

If you’ve heard the recent news in town about the mother and child, I wonder what your thoughts are about protecting your children in today’s world.  I’ve always been against having certain things in my house, but after hearing this shocking story, I wonder about changing my mind and protecting my family differently than before.

On lighter news, I cleaned my room last night - actually got on my hands and knees and cleaned the hardwood floors - also discovering that my knees have changed during pregnancy.  Other than discomfort, and needing a knee pad in the form of a towel, I felt great relief after cleaning my room.  No wonder I’m solving people’s problems today.

Okay, back to work. 

Funny Moments With Your Baby Girl

If you are a vain person, you must leave vanity at the door when having a baby.  I watched Brad Pitt in a recent interview about how he has done it all in terms of fatherhood - nothing phases him anymore - and if you are a mommy or daddy with little ones in your house - you probably have experienced similar funny moments where your perfect outfit is quickly in need of a change, along with your adorable little child’s outfit.  If it’s not spit up, it’s toot - toot, grunt, snort, or something else going on.  It’s all part of a day’s work for a mom taking care of her child - and humor is required to get you through the day.  I choose to laugh through it all on most days, however as noted on the blog entry of the 6th - there are indeed moments at 4 a.m. that are not as fun. 

Some not so funny moments - after the last two seemingly “funny” moments, as I tried to figure out how to satisfy her - wondering if Melina simply had an upset tummy this afternoon, or evening.  I was a little concerned about feeding her much of anything, she had returned to the breast but didn’t seem to be eating much, just pacifying and falling asleep.  She had swallowed the formula so quickly earlier, and cried when I took it away to burp her, I wasn’t surprised that she spit it up, but later, she just couldn’t get comfortable.  Forget the 8:30 bed time concept.  It ended up being closer to 10:45 p.m. before she finally quieted down, after being held, rocked, breast fed, formula fed, put in the car seat only for her to cat nap for 20 minutes, rocked again - but finally she went down and fell asleep.  And all is quiet again - and we’re back on target again for the three to four hour feeding schedule.

I think what might have happened today - she got overtired.  She didn’t go down for her 2:30 nap, and only had cat naps this afternoon.  There was no two hour nap at all in fact, and this can be bad for baby. 

7th January 2009

First Dream of Melina Talking to Me

I had the funniest dream with Melina in it.  It’s also the first dream of her, which is so very cool.  She was standing up, but in one of her sleeper outfits, only bigger.  She was telling me how she was either going to walk very soon, or talk very soon.  I think it was walk.  I can’t remember.  But since she was talking to me in my dream, I imagine it was ‘walk”.  ;-)

I am sweetly amazed at how quickly she is growing.  I am already beginning to put newborn baby clothes off to the side of her dresser that she can no longer fit in.  I am excited about this growth, as she was such a tiny little thing in the beginning.  When she breastfeeds, I look down on her to see how much longer she is now and how her face has filled out, or rounded out.  I was talking to a neighbor friend of mine about how a friend of hers is sad to see the “baby” times go away.  I was referencing how one of the reasons I went to Babies R Us was because Melina was needing some “developmental toys”.  I could tell she was ready for them.  We got a couple of toys to put on the carrier handlebar. 

I suppose in some small way, I am excited about her growth and changes every day because it means one night I might get some sleep .  ;-) 

We slept together taking three naps today, one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and another in the early evening after a client call.  This evening she was in her carseat, where she seems to be guaranteed to sleep, and I curled up right next to her and the carseat.  Christopher came over and ran some errands for me, and then warmed up dinner.  It’s comforting to know someone is here looking out for me.

I have a feeling that with the office work returning, slowly but surely, that I will have a half day on, and then a day of recovery where i catch up on sleep.

Okay, I’m off to sleep - she is awake - despite being in the carseat and it being 1 a..m.  But hopefully we can fall asleep together.

6th January 2009

Oh Bloody Hell —- Just Shoot Me 4 replies

Oh bloody hell, just shoot me …. where’s the chocolate?  Where’s the ice cream?  I need a drink.  Just one glass of wine would do nicely right about now.  If anyone had a clue how hard this is, if anyone could see  - shoot just live in for 24 hours two days in a row - they’d understand how hard this is.  I need something to bang around.  Where’s my plastic Pampered Chef bowls?  Good lord - could you possibly just sleep one hour?  Just one hour?

These are just a few of the things that you might, just might admit to muttering in your mad little mind when you’ve succumbed to sleep deprivation, or would like to but can’t, in the middle of the night, or beginning of the day when sleep dep is at its height.  I was reading one of my three “surviving the first year” books by women, and one section talks about admitting to feeling very angry at everything and everyone.  Now, of course, what we all talk about is “how sweet my little one is” - because in general, that is exactly the admiration and love we feel for our newborn baby.  For the paranoids in the world, don’t call Children’s Services just yet.

As my newborn passes her six week mark as of Monday, and her blue eyes open up wide as can be, and some adorable personality traits appear to be showing up and possibly staying, I am 100 percent smitten by her, that is until the nightime when you’ve gone to sleep and you have to wake back up again to feed her, or you’ve tried to go to sleep with her schedule but were unable.  I can do well all day long, and quite frankly well until the wee hours of the morning.  I can stay up 24 hours no problem, when I have her as my purpose.  What’s the hardest part for me, and I imagine some others, is the getting up again when just an hour is in the “kitty”.  It’s when you’ve approached a portion of your sleep pattern, but you’re so incredibly exhausted - and the baby is crying, or fussing, or hiccupping, or whatever - and she wants to be fed again, that you feel really, really challenged.  After all, you might have just finally laid your wiped out, wasted senseless body down in bed for the first time in 18 hours - and somehow she’s sensitized to this, and cries out.  That happened tonight - all because after six weeks og adapting to her schedule, I’m trying to now adapt it to a bit of a working schedule and an increased night time sleeping scedule for her.

I realize that I have stayed in my house for six weeks - enough right there to send some people I know right over the edge.  I’ve gone nowhere with the exception of near-weekly doctor visits, unless you count running into CVS for Similac baby liquid formula a couple of times.  I’ve gone through the Starbucks drive-thru less than five times in six weeks.  I’ve eaten fast food once, I think, maybe twice.  I’ve had little outside contact with the world, moreso recently since Melina got sick from having exposure to visitors who were nice enough to stop by.  My extent of seeing the outside world - seeing my pet sitter on a near daily basis, and Christopher on a weekly basis - both of whom have been life savers during these past six weeks.

You add to the potential for craziness - normal winter-itis.  We’ve had sunny skies a handful of times.  I know a few people who have serious issues with winter time depression - and they don’t have any of the other issues mentioned here. 

Now, add to it, six weeks of not getting more than three hours of sleep at one time in a 24-hour period.  Now, add on, breastfeeding, learning how to communicate with your baby’s needs, that baby schedule that I mentioned yesterday along with Kristi’s great feeding and activity schedule mentioned in the reply (www.kristibug.com), trying to fit in work, answering emails upon occasion, and you’ve got the potential for some serious plastic bowl banging around in the kitchen when you need to vent.  Well, I admit, I’ve done it twice in six weeks.  I admit I’ve swigged a gulp of two year old, or worse, Apricot Brandy intended for cooking, at 7 a.m. after an all-nighter, five weeks into it.  Well, technically, it was still night time for me - as I’m laughing here - yes, surely someone will raise their eyebrows on that one.  I’ve eaten BOXES of chocolate that I picked up at CVS intended as quick rescue Xmas gifts for all those who’ve helped me in some way.  I’ve recently taken a SPOON into a gooky bag of marshmallows - and eaten them by the spoonful - after trying to get Melina to go to sleep on her new schedule.  I’ve broken a Pampered Chef plastic bowl - well, cracked the tip of it. 

Pretty minor stuff, considering the amount of serious around the clock demand on your body (breastfeeding, all nighters, holding baby, etc.), doing everything with one hand - while you hold baby in the other hand, running up the stairs to find out why your baby is crying, doing more loads of laundry than you ever imagined, climbing up flights of stairs between nursery and rooms, starting to cook yourself a meal - and not being able to finish cooking it, or eating if you did cook it.  I have a few people who’ve helped me for a few hours, and you can see the stress (or welcome relief they get to leave) they have walking out the door from taking care of me and Melina for just a few hours. 

So, how does one handle the stress of having a new baby without doing harm to oneself or others, and shutter to think any little ones?  For married people, or those with partners (straight or gay), you can balance your sanity with handing responsibility off to the other for a period of time so you can get yourself back together, take a nap, eat a good meal, etc.  But for single woman, add to that working woman, add to that, woman without mom here to help kind of person, you need a healthy outlet to let go of some of the frustration that will indeed build as you get through the first few weeks of baby’s demands.  And while you can have all the healthy outlets in the world, you above all else, can handle most of these things without too much duress if you get sleep.  If you can’t get it at that moment, you must catch up on some sleep at some point, somehow, somewhere.

So how do I handle it, being single by choice, and doing this without grandma hanging around in my kitchen, or state for that matter?  Well, a variety of ways - I vent to friends who are going to understand in that they have done this recently, very recently.  I call my Mom and Dad which is a recent change.  I catch up on my sleep, well up until now, in the mornings, but that may change now with new schedule or hope for new schedule to meet work demands.  Don’t expect to reach me before noon, no matter what.  Don’t try to knock on my door without calling first, and never expect to talk to me before noon - repeat, repeat.  I blog - that is huge outlet for my frustration - or writing in general.  I’ve always found that writing helps me get it out of my mind, onto paper, and regardless of whether anyone reads it or not, it’s out of my head - and in the case someone does read it, as over 4,000 visitors do a month, some identify with me, reply with comments, or share my frustration. 

Seeking normalcy - is what this is all about.  After you get through your first six weeks of isolation, on demand feeding, leaky boobs, numerous wardrobe changes for both you and baby throughout each day, and amazing sleep deprivation where some would easily fall victim to, compounded by winter isolation and health quarantines - you will seek if you’re smart, some sort of normalcy.  This could be visiting a friend (cancel that for health reasons, and baby in carseat issues, and winter weather, breastfeeding schedule), going into CVS, or my recent trip to note to Babies R Us.  I did a dirty look from one couple who saw Melina in my Zolo sling and asked with suspicion “how many weeks is she?” and then gasps after I said ’six weeks’.  I wanted to snap - “isn’t it past your daughter’s bedtime, it’s 8:30, don’t you know all good babies ar ein bed by this time?

 Exercise makes you feel normal again, if you did it to begin with.  Some fresh air, regardless of how cold it is.  Bundle up baby and I, and out we go, on a walk - feels like we’re approaching normalcy.  Taking the dog alongside us, also feels normal again.  Re-training dog on leash to walk with real mommy owner is a bit trying again after she’s walked with the pet sitter for the past six weeks.  Training dog to walk beside stroller is also a bit trying, but by tonight she was doing great. 

Not breastfeeding - this I must admit, also returns you to normalcy.  Watch out La Leche is coming after me now.  One afternoon, or perhaps two days, I chose to slow down breastfeeding due to insanity approaching warning signs.  I paid for it in the sense I had to work hard the next day to catch up (as your production can slow which you don’t want), but being tied to the pump, or your newborn baby’s mouth and respective schedules is really taxing.  It’s a lot easier when you just whip open a bottle of formula - relatively - to accommodate your baby’s schedule.  The other night, headed home from Babies R Us, my little girl decided she was hungry, really hungry.  I had fed her and timed my excursion well within the three hour range, but she had fallen asleep on the excursion and thus, when she woke up, she was ready to feed, immediately.  I had to pull over in a parking lot and feed her.  I considered getting those formula on the go bottles for the next shopping excursion, or of course, I could try to have pumped milk ready for this too, but that’s not easy.

So, all in all - I am trying to do all the right things by her, occasionally for myself as well.  I’ll catch up on sleep every other day, in the mornings, or when possible - I’ll reach out to select individuals I can count on to help me with the basics, and order in healthy meals, or pick up Boston Market, or whatever it is - to eat and sleep well.  I’ll excercise, blog, and fit in an occasional venting phone call.  I might even let a few typos slide, in a blog entry, which is a true sign I’m exhausted if you know me well.  :-)

Okay, time to sleep, or try to before she wakes up again - she and I are both suffering from new schedule here, as we try to adapt, in time.

5th January 2009

Reading About How to Get Your Infant Newborn Baby To Sleep 2 replies

Melina is nearing six weeks now - and a few people continue to ask (or brag) as to why my newborn baby isn’t sleeping through the night, and how their baby did.  I’ve written about sleep a fair amount, but I always seek new information on this topic as I continue to struggle with Melina definitely NOT sleeping through the night.

A little note on this - there are 444,000 search results in Google for “getting your  baby to sleep through the night” -

So, why doesn’t and what can I do to get Melina to sleep through the night?  I’m reading “Modern Girl’s Guide to Motherhood” and loving it.  It gave me lots of reasons as to why Melina is not supposed to or likely to sleep through the night at this age.

What am I doing that could keep her awake longer in between feedings, at night?

More soon, I have to go to her

One other thing - many people suggest the co-sleeper; here’s what I’ve noted thus far; and how I feel about the co-sleeper

Resources on how to get your infant newborn baby to sleep - what as a parent you need to know

Dr. Sears on Getting Baby to Sleep

Excerpt from Dr. Sears - thank you!

NIGHTTIME PARENTING LESSON #3:

Encouraging a baby to sleep too deeply, too soon, may not be in the best survival or developmental interest of the baby. This is why new parents, vulnerable to sleep trainers’ claims of getting their baby to sleep through the night, should not feel pressured to get their baby to sleep too long, too deeply, too soon.

2nd January 2009

Losing Weight After Having Your Baby - How Long Should It Take 2 replies

Tuesday I went to my OB-GYN for my 6-week check-up, one week early.  It was cool to walk into this doctor’s office, where I have gone for 17 years and be “one of the moms” coming in with a tiny infant.  I saw other pregnant women coming in for their check-ups, with two to three children in tow.  The men were there with the women as well - in fact, you’d think that it was “family week” at the OB’s office.  Obviously the holiday week where families do more together including going to the OB’s office for Mommy’s checkup. 

I walked in with Melina in her carrier, quiet despite her grunting sounds.  I think she sounds worse today than she’s sounded yet.  It must be obvious that I’m new Mom, because I was admittedly enchanted with her little self, and feeling extra concern for her as she’s sick.  Some of the women asked how old, or came up and stared at her and said how beautiful she is.  Lots of congratulations - the good etiquette of many.

It was my turn to step on the scale today - Melina weighed in yesterday.  I gained 45 lbs during my pregnancy and invitro protocol - which put me over an Oprah barrier (you know the number if you’ve tuned in to any tabloid show).  This number is obscene when you cross it - so I just told the nurse she better keep going with that scale.  I was happy to see that she had to back it off to the 150 marker, and add from there.  I have lost 21 lbs in 5 weeks - and while I’m not sure if that’s normal for c-section since you’re not up and doing as much “exercise” as quickly, relatively, other than taking care of baby - I was happy to see this number. 


I’ll need a lot more than this bouncy ball to get my postpartum butt in shape
Source

I told my OB that just last week I got out and walked twice, slowly but surely.  He advised me to become deliberate with my walking schedule, taking Melina with me, to the fitness center to get on the treadmill if weather outside (Ohio winter weather) was poor.  Of course, since Melina is sick right now, not a good time to be hitting the treadmill or taking a walk outside.  But within a couple of days, hoping she’s getting better by then, we will  perhaps be able to go do 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill.

Having said that, I have never been so active in the confinement of my own home since I’ve lived here.  I am up on my feet for likely 95 percent of the day that passes - night and day for that matter.  I sleep less than I am on my feet - I never get to slumber - the only time I stretch is when I finally drag my sorry self into bed - foot pain, joint pain, back pain, neck pain - all part of the territory for Mommy here.  I’ve heard that moms have great arms because of all the lifting they do of their children - I’m beginning to believe it as Melina is now over 8 lbs, and there’s a lot of holding in one hand, and doing talented things with your other hand.  We should evolve with a third hand in the future. 


I look just like this - flat tummy, big boobs and great butt -
no sign of postpartum weight in this sculpture - ;-)
Source

But, despite exhaustion, despite aches and pains, I imagine breast feeding along with the lack of ability to get a good meal in, has something to do with the 21 lbs in 5 weeks.  Now, it’s up to me to get walking into my schedule - ugh - when????  I wonder if I should give up the shower, eating, or sleeping to get my walk in - it’ll be much easier when the weather is nicer - I can take her in the stroller on a frequent basis and look forward to those days.

In the meantime, where’s the extra-strength Motrin?  I’ve got 1.5 hours before her next feeding.