31st October 2008

Godparents, Baptisms - Preparing for Melina’s First Beginnings & Future

In addition to the work stuff, the nursery stuff, a couple of additional things have been on my mind.  I want to have Melina baptized in a Catholic church.  I was baptized and in fact am lucky enough to have the Christening gown that my Mom passed on to me many years ago.   I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and was very active in the Catholic church until I was about 19 years old.  You know, about the time you start meeting men on your own, outside the house, kinda thing if you get what I’m trying to say here.  Wasn’t exactly going to church as often then - became a little misdirected in life - made some mistakes, some really big ones, and had some not so good things happen along the way in something we call the Path of Life.  ;-)

Okay, fast forward 21 years - I’ve been going to Vineyard in Westerville for many years now, but have never joined the church because of my belief in my Catholic baptism.  I love the pastor and his message.  I don’t agree with everything, but am amazed at his leadership, inspiration and what an amazing community service that church has become.  I don’t always go to church, as it’s a reminder that I’ve sinned in order to have a child on my own, but I do enjoy the message most times.  I love the worship, etc.  For Christmas, I’ve always tried to do the Catholic thing, but after I do the Vineyard thing.  So, I hear the modern contemporary message at Vineyard, and then I go down to the Cathedral and enjoy the ritual I grew up with - Midnight Mass, etc. 

I don’t agree with either Church on everything - I don’t subscribe to everything - obviously - but appreciate and respect both churches for what they bring to the table.  So, now it’s time for Melina to be born, and of course, baptism is on the mind.  I thank my parents for raising me Catholic and Christian.  If I didn’t have the rules and rituals growing up, I might have been a worse kid, or more ignorant to what I was doing during my 20-s.  I’ve not been a great Catholic by any means, nor do I think it’s the only solution but I do believe in many aspects  of the Catholic church.  I also respect and admire other religions, and the cultural traditions experienced by many in other religions.  I love history, and thus, enjoy my Jewish pastor, turned Christian, because he has an amazing ability to talk history as much as he can integrate current life’s lessons with past historical influences. 

So, now what about having a set of god parents for Melina, as well as a Catholic baptism?  Even if I’m single, and chose to bear Melina in a less -than- Catholic kinda way.  Will the Catholic church embrace my desire to have her baptized in early 2009?  Second, what about god parents?  Is it important for god parents to carry this similar desire out, and be present?

What is god parent etiquette in terms of religion etc?  I have asked two very close friends who I admire to be the god parents, but one concern of religion definitely came up - who would be the Catholic and the Christian influence for Melina, if I wasn’t around? 

Anyway, time to turn in for the night - but things to ponder - as I prepare for her arrival.  Friends of mine talked about Christmas and whether or not I would be able to have Melina at their house for Christmas Eve.  I can say this, while I haven’t been the perfect Catholic or Christian here - there is no place other than Midnight Mass and Vineyard that I want to be on Christmas Eve.  I have a lot of thanking God to do here - there is no other celebration I’d rather share on Christmas.  I can not tell you how many Christmas’ I’ve experienced dreaming that one day I’d have a present under the tree for my child - and this year, God willing, I will indeed have that first present under the tree for Melina - but she’s the best present of all this holiday season.

30th October 2008

Election Time, Babies to Deliver, Economic, Environmental Changes - Oh My!

What an amazing time we live in - It’s 2 a.m., I have insomnia, partially induced by a doctor’s visit this afternoon, and some chocolate delivered by a colleague of mine and a little late nap, but it’s also motivated by changes that are upon us.  I’m writing some thoughts here - so forgive my lack of organization as it is 2 a.m. in the morning.

postscript - the main reason I can’t sleep is that I have to sleep sitting up now - I can only sleep for about 45 minutes on either side - so if you can sleep for seven hours sitting up with a big tank in your belly - without discomfort - well you have something I lack apparently  -i’ve always loved sleep - but 35 weeks pregnant - there is no more love affair with sleep - only frequent cat naps will do

 I have watched way too many hours of pre-election TV coverage in the past months, really since the conventions in August.  I’ve been nearly glued to the television and various networks to see what everyone is saying.  I’ve read the NYT, WSJ, and listened to others debate the issues.  I wonder what the next month will hold for all of us.

First of all, I’m going to deliver a baby - so, in less than one month, I’ll be home with my first child.  I’m one of those few people they debate about - the undecideds - on CNN.  I think people should be concerned that a week away, I’m still waffling over McCain/Palin versus Obama/Biden.  David Gergen on CNN is talking about the undecideds typically making their decision within the last three days of the campaign.

I have to admit - I’m energized by Obama’s intelligence - he knows how to run a smart campaign.  Truly.  He doesn’t follow all the rules - and yes, McCain can get upset about the way Obama raised money - but credit card donations can be followed within time and documented and exposed.  So, I’d get over it.  The fact is, that Obama knows how to motivate and inspire people - and for many, no, for millions it’s working.  His motivational 20-minute infomercial inspires me too - but reality is so much harder to endure, and to enforce change throughout that time.  But regardless of whether Obama inspires you - can he enforce change throughout Congress?  Can he limit taxes meanwhile improving healthcare?  Can he pull out of Iraq and maintain diplomacy in a broken country where damages are extremely high?  Can he threaten to chase after Osama bin Laden, Al Qaeda and prevent nuclear war in Pakistan, or supplies falling into rogue hands, without spending the same amount of money as Bush has in Iraq?  Wars are expensive - regardless of how unpopular they are.  I’m not for Iraq - never have been - we should have been in Afghanistan -but we refuse to fight the way they do - I’m not sure we’ll ever win because we try to fight a traditional fight.  How can you cut taxes when governments state and local are broke? 

So enough about Obama - and what I’m not sure he can do, or for that matter, anyone can do in four years.  Regardless of what Obama promises, he is one intelligent person - and he knows how to persuade an audience.  What’s sad - is how easily it works for some people.  On the other hand - because of his intelligence - because of his persuasive capabilities - he just might be able to approach problems in a very different way than in previous years.  That encourages me, but it’s also a risk.  Will he really be able to deliver - because his rhetoric is over the top at times.

Now, compare my thoughts on Obama to McCain/Palin.  I always liked McCain - for years - not so much as a presidential candidate but as a senator.  I think Palin rocks when she’s able to - I imagine it’s hard to be all things to all people this late in the game - and give her credit for surviving thus far.  She’s had some hiccups - but they’ve all had them - and I can get past most of hers, even though I might disagree with her on a few things, like stop shooting wolves from planes, help the polar bears, and why exactly are we choosing to drill in a refuge?  But those things can be discussion points - I can hear both sides - but you’re going to have to do more than convince me as to why this will help more than hurt our planet?

What I have disliked most about the RNC and McCain/Palin is the negativity.  Stop assailing your opponents - we’re over the negativity, why can’t you be?  If Obama wins, as I suspect he just might, he has won mostly due to intelligence and inspiration.  In bad times, we all need a little inspiration.  Regardless of how much Obama’s critics might talk about his rhetoric, myself included, it works for people.  Many people have never led a team, an organization, a business, or an executive team.  Inspiration is key, as is delivery.  The latter part is what concerns me with Obama.  Will he be able to deliver?  There are many people who are 100% ignorant as to how difficult it is to deliver change at all levels, without pissing off many.  Will Obama come up short, as others have before him? 

Now, having said that, sometimes Republicans and their way of thinking or approaching a problem reminds me of true governmental ‘intelligence’.   And as I was talking to a friend the other day, there are alot of people in government who are not the “smartest” people in the world, or the most accomplished.   We need a new way of thinking, but we can’t forget our history and what we’ve learned thus far.  I salute smart people, who accomplish a long list of tasks, who have energy to keep moving when times are hard, and make good decisions.  When they don’t make the right decision or the best decision, they have to be able to recover quickly and keep going.  I think Obama can do this.  I think Palin can do this.  I think McCain has done this, but going forward will he and his Republican colleagues be able to continue at such a pace?

Clinton, Powell - - do they really believe in Obama or do they know it’s a career-guarantee?  Few are behind McCain.  Palin has a love/hate relationship with Americans.  Women either hate her or love her, the former out of ignorance in my opinion.   Now here’s a consideration - don’t kick me on this one - What if it was Obama/Palin?  Forget party lines for a second.  Forget liberalism versus conservatism?  People have jumped party lines before.  I like new thinkers - and people who enforce change at all levels, regardless of popularity.  Regardless of the assaults made by either party - both Obama and Palin inspire change at many levels - but I’m not sure what Obama has really done in his senatorial past, or before that.  I still don’t feel I know what he’s accomplished.  I know what the Clintons did in office.  I know what McCain has done before.  I am learning what Palin has done. 

We can’t just expect change to occur within the executive governmental staff?  It has to occur within the Senate, within the House, within society, in fact, really within society.  It trickles down to change at your and my level.  What are we willing to do differently?  You can not blame all problems on executive leadership.  Well, you can point the finger there, but turn the mirror on yourself.  Banking, regulations, healthcare, housing crisis - there are so many problems because we are not personally and professionally managing our finances as well as we could be.  We want more than we can have.  And that is the driving force in economics and politics. 

So as long as we want more than we can have, as human nature demands, and we’re constantly chasing the cheese on the rat wheel, our society is in peril.  We can hope for better leadership, but truly we have to change the way we work, the way we act, the things we want.

I too suffer from this problem - I want the fancy career.  I am already missing running around with my colleagues who hop from conference to conference, to client to client, all around the world - something I did for 12 years.  But at the end of the day, at the end of the conference, I lacked going home to a family - I lacked having a child to inspire me back, I lacked some of the basic fundamental hope outside of my business world.  I have to now balance having a child (or more) with running a business, and sometimes it scares me.  Can I do it?  Am I capable? 

It’s not so bad to be inspired by a lifetime change, a lifetime decision that will be about more than just me.  In one month, I will be home with a daughter who will change my life.  As she is active in my tummy right now (my stretched out uterus that is up in my heart’s real estate and rib cage by now), as I write tonight, while I’m scared about the unknown, scared about the economy, life’s changes as a woman trying to solve problems for both clients, employees, students, and vendors - as well as herself, and her new child - I can stop worrying and feeling fear - and I can start doing something.

I met with my doctor again today - only two more visits before I deliver Melina.  I see women in childbirth class, or prenatal yoga who are preparing to deliver - and realize I’m next on the dive platform.   I see them dive off the platform and know it’s my turn next.  I can only hope and pray and begin to visualize something good post c-section date.  I’ve made it this far, now it’s time to make it a little further - and come home with my little child.  I can then look forward to the Christmas holidays and ending this year with a “family”.  It won’t just be about me.  It’ll be including her in everything.  I have chosen her to inspire me. 

So next week, I will vote on who will lead our country at both executive government and state government levels.  I will vote on numerous issues.  But regardless of whom I vote for, I know that it’s up to me to bring about change in my small world.  I can’t expect a bailout.  I love it when I get help, but I can’t wait for a bailout - and I can’t expect one person to change every part of my life and make it easier for me. 

26th October 2008

A Continuation of Funny Pregnancy Dreams

I’ve written about my funny and strange pregnancy dreams before and put them under the Invitro section, if you care to venture into that section.  You can find it on the right.  I’ve had a couple of interesting dreams the past couple of nights, that I figured it was time to journal them.

I had my first “delivery” dream.  Before, I would dream about the baby already being here, grown, but this was the first delivery dream, which makes sense now that I’m four weeks out from a scheduled c-section.

Many people have said to me that Melina will come early - I know a few women who’ve delivered early, as much as four weeks early, which is exactly where I’m at in the pregnancy stage.  Four weeks to delivery date.  Holy camolis (I say camolis instead of cannolis).  ;-)

So, while I’ve got everything planned out, as much as plans can take place, for the week of the delivery, which happens to be Thanksgiving, there is no way that any doctor or I could predict the actual arrival date if Melina chooses to come earlier.  Since movement takes place mostly during the evening, after 7 p.m. until around 1 a.m., which is then followed by another bad night of sleep and discomfort, it’s even more telling of my obvious concerns of the delivery date and what might happen.

I need a c-sec because of my fibroid surgery, or technically known as myomyectomy, which I had two years ago.  It’s due to the uterus reconstruction as well as the incision type and the risk for uterine rupture.  I fought my doctor on this several times but gave up on it the last time he warned of catastrophic risk to me and/or Melina.  Being single girl, and certainly wanting to live another 40 plus years, I let it go finally.  But in my pregnancy dream the other night, Melina came early, naturally I might add.  In fact, I was going to have to deliver that baby myself it turned out.  It’s funny the visuals that clearly come to you in pregnancy.  I didn’t recall labor pain or anything like that, the baby was simply just down there - I could feel her head.  But the visual I had was one of those adorable baby dolls, and her face was facing out, just like one of those little perfect baby dolls.  I laughed because that’s hardly what you see in pregnancy videos - the baby has just been through quite a journey, and hardly would arrive in such a perfect state. 

Yesterday morning, I was cleaning and came across an old FitPregnancy magazine - on the cover of which - said, “How to Deliver Your Own Baby”.  This was a little too much coincidence for me to handle, regardless of the randomness you can imagine.  They referenced a few supplies you should have, including a baby eye and nose aspirator and a sterile pair of scissors.  Things to add to the car emergency kit?

So, last night, I dreamt there was a painting on the wall of my deceased cat, Max, who died back in late January 2008.  I miss him at times.  I was studying the painting on the wall and its likeness or not-so-likeness, but then at that moment, Max walked across my bed.  I knew it was him, because I could feel his belly paunch below.  I hugged him and loved on him.  Then I noticed that the nearby window in my room, which was quite high up, had a screen flapping.  I could see Misha already heading out the window.  I went over and saw that all of my cats had decided to jump through the window.  I was concerned they would fall down the shingles several floors below.  I was able to rescue each, but as soon as one got inside, another appeared to be outside, somehow. 

I know that Misha is in his final days - he makes a lot more noise than he used to - and basically what all these dreams are about is being to take care of another, in an innocent state where they are truly 100% dependent on you.  I am worried at times that I won’t be able to take care of a tiny baby - but know that’s normal from all I’ve read about any first-time mom.  As I hold a cat, I try to tell myself that I’ve not been afraid to hold many a rescue animal, so why am I afraid of holding my baby the first time?  I won’t break her - another common fear of course.  These are very normal fears so don’t read too much into this blog post, for those of you who might.

 I look forward to meeting Melina and holding her, to seeing her face, to cradling her in my arms, to hearing her, to watching her, to being with her.  The other night as I was driving back from some place, and as I admired the silence in my car, I realized that soon, there will never be a silent moment (or for long that is), in my car, or in my home again, or wherever I go.  I will always have Melina’s sounds (good, bad, loud, crying, you name it, right?). 

As Melina gets bigger, harder and longer in my uterus and tummy, and as her presence is very known at night these days, while I don’t enjoy the discomfort I love the response communication I am now forming with her.  The other night she was in a very uncomfortable spot.  I was up at night, and her head was protruding a bit from my tummy.  I moved her a bit, and sure enough, she responded and moved into another spot, which was more comfortable for mommy, and hopefully for her?

I loved feeling her response to my hand on my belly.  I look forward to a more engaged response when she sees me for the first time, and we get that first moment of communication.  As that only lasts for a while, right?  I see children of all ages definitely not responding to their parents in stores - screaming at the top of their lungs - and I can only chuckle inside.  For now, it’s all a quiet amazement of wonder - that will change in a very short period of time - which I hope is four weeks long.

23rd October 2008

I Like to Think I Serve a Greater Purpose Every Single Damn Day

I can remember working at Baker & Hostetler, a great corporate law firm that helped me get through college, nearly 20 years ago.  I remember coming in on Mondays, talking about the weekend with a female co-worker, and as we recapped, the young woman told me I inspired her to do more.  This happened for years.  I worked there for five years from 1990-1995.  This woman made some forward progress in her life, but she was one to complain a lot.  She felt trapped at times, like she was not moving forward in any way.  I told her to stop complaining and do something about it - change - be a change driver.  Don’t just sit there and put up with it.

It’s easy to say this on the outside to someone.  When people are trapped in negative situations, they tend to get stuck - really stuck.  You can try to pull some people out, offering a helping hand, but others well, they either want to get sucked under, or they’re so far gone, nothing you do is going to rescue them.  I’ve often spent time trying to rescue others, including as you know many four-legged animals.  I remember my pastor saying something about missionary dating by some women who hope/wish/pray to change their man into something he’s never going to be.  We date the ideal of that person, not the reality.  I did that too, for a long time. 

But over the years, for some reason, many would tell me that I motivated them to change, or inspired them to work harder.  I’ve also been loved/hated for this as well.  Because some people don’t like it when you challenge them to work harder, or think smarter, or make better/wiser decisions.  That applies to employees, students, boyfriends, female friends, people you don’t even know.  But at that end of the day, I like to “think” I’ve served a greater purpose.  I like to think I’ve always been honest, or certainly tried to be.  I like to think I’ve helped someone, or a company, do something bigger and better.

I’ve had my own share of screw-ups, don’t get me wrong.  I have days where with insomnia, I’m catching up on sleep in the mornings, and I feel guilty for not doing the typical 8-6 p.m. day.  Somedays I feel that I’ve accomplished nothing.  Some days, I want to be lazy, and immerse my brain in wanderlust of stupid TV, watching someone else’s fictional life, just so I could forget my own.  But in general, I snap out of those phases, and jump back into serving a purpose.  I have been criticized by many for always fighting for something bigger, often un-doable, impossible, in many people’s eyes.  My family, my parents, my mom especially, would be the leader in this race of my doing something extraordinary would be rebundled as something stupid, un-wise, foolish, destined to fail, you name it.  The irony of failure is for some it kills us (not literally, I hope), for others it slows us down temporarily or for a while longer, for others it makes us fight that much harder.

So how does this relate to Sarah Palin?

If we can be wise about society, about people, we can see further than what is written about a person in black and white.  But what I am amazed about is the rings of emails that fly over hating Sarah Palin.  Personally, I do not care about agreeing with her or McCain, or Obama or Biden on every single little detail in their lives or accomplishments or failures.  I know that it has got to be very hard for a politician to put their neck out in the public eye so that we can all try to tear them down in some way.  We have a growing group of people that hate Obama.  We have some who think McCain is an idiot, or erratic, or whatever, blah blah blah.  But the emails that get forwarded to me about hating Sarah Palin amaze me.

We may not like everything that Sarah Palin has done - myself included.  I personally may think she wasn’t so good in the Katie Couric interview - that I’m not in agreement on polar bears and Sarah, or drilling and Sarah, or blah blah blah.  But you know, I’d say that already that woman has accomplished far more than any of her mainstream American criticizers will ever accomplish in their lives.  Yet, some of you stand there criticizing, feeding on the frenzy of negative energy, and distributing it further amongst others. 

I might ask each of you who belong to some hate-mongering group - whether it’s some against Sarah Palin, or Obama for that matter, or anyone - or perhaps 10 of the OSU students who love to write about how they hate me - if I spent the time that you do, spreading this negative energy, I would have never accomplished in life what I have, nor would I have the energy to dream up my next accomplishment.

There are so many people in this world that need help.  Perhaps you do.  There are some of us that choose to serve a greater purpose in life, to accomplish things, to put their necks on a public chopping block, to allow themselves to be criticized just so they can serve a greater purpose.  It’s nearly biblical what others choose to do - they choose to sit back and do nothing but spread negative energy, hate, and I ask you what good comes of that?

I remember a person in my life who told me after I tested positive for morphine at AEP (www.aep.com) as a result of eating some good ol’ healthy poppy seed bread from the Farmer’s North Market in downtown Columbus, and I had lost my job, been walked out of the building in front of my peers - after we were able to prove what had caused the false negative - he said to me, “Laura, some people would have been ruined emotionally by this - they would have lost it - possibly permanently - but you, for some reason, you keep on kicking.” 

There are many things I see everyday I could do better.  Some I choose to avoid.  Like cleaning out my car, or balancing my checkbook, or putting everything back the way it belongs.  I feel guilty when I don’t accomplish something in a given day.  I see others who serve such a greater purpose than me every day, and I wish I could be more like them.  But I know many who serve no purpose at all almost every day - other than to obsess over something negative.

I encourage you to do something better, positive, bigger than you - help someone else out today - and get off your ass now and do something about it.  Go help your neighbor, go rescue some poor cat or dog, go feed a homeless person, go walk your dog, go organize something, clean out something, plant a perennial that serves you and others year after year, cook something and take it to someone, or just take care of you, your mind, your body, your spirit.

And if this hasn’t motivated you, just resend this blog to me on the day I’m feeling worthless, or like I’ve not done enough.  That way, I can remember my own speech here.

G’night.  I have some work to do.

21st October 2008

Melina Thieme - Already #3 in Google - Despite Not Having Been Born Yet

My little girl, Melina Thieme, while not yet born, although pictures posted already on Flickr of her ultrasound, is popular on Google already.  I’m so sorry Melina.  I’m afraid you’re a star already, beyond just what I think of you, you’re #3 on Google.

You can now Google Melina Thieme and find blog entries about her.  My high school profile of “Laura Melina Thieme” is also right above this, which makes me laugh.  It’s only 22 years old, and yes, you can now guess my age, and know Melina’s namesake origination.

It’s funny because sometimes I Google people that have lived 30 years or so, and there is not one result to be found in Google, Yahoo or MSN at all on their name.  But Melina, my unborn child, already has three search results dedicated to her.

Now when we get links, that’s another ball game.

At the recent SMX in NYC, we talked about what we agreed upon as far as electronics, Facebook profiles, cell phone priviledges, etc. for our children.  As I listened to my nephews talk last week, in Massachussets, I was astonished to hear a 13-year old, and an 8-year old talk about their iPod Shuffle desires, as well as their knowledge of music that I thought would be off-limits to children.  But what can you do?  How do  you keep your children protected, yet not make them “wierd” because they have no access to the normal stuff?  Electronics is everywhere. 

While I plan to post pictures on Facebook, and through emails to friends, clients, and family - of course Melina will not have her own Facebook or Twitter account - but when she’s old enough to start asking for cell phones, iPods, and whatever has developed by that time, how does one say No, and yet, not prevent educational development?

Aren’t books, life outdoors, and natural stimulation enough for a period of time?  Where do we draw the line at controlling children’s influences versus development?

I grew up without TV for the first 13 or so years - only on holidays.  But as a result, I was more book-read than I surely am now - and the outdoors was our playground.  We went on biking excursions as a family, we played games indoors and outdoors, and TV excursions were fun at Dad’s office - there was popcorn and soda and a movie every so often.  Those are good memories.  I can also remember getting interviewed after Church, and at the breakfast table by a local Alexandria, VA TV station, or perhaps it was a paper (what do I know, I was in highschool or in 8th grade - so don’t remember specifics) about us growing up without TV, except for holidays.  I want the same for Melina - I want the outdoors, books and educational games to be her playground.  Not electronics.  Not butt-sitting activities - but taking the root “active” and making life a little more fun by not sitting around playing electronics games, or watching TV.

I say all of this now - all dreams - and not yet reality facing me.  It’s so easy to wish for something when it’s only a dream.

In the meantime, I’ve already corrupted Melina with the Web - she’s on Google, #3, and she experiences the Web only from within the Womb at this point.  But her presence is known to me for sure - as I sleep, walk, work, exercise, and day-dream.  She is #1 already in my book.

Mini Cooper Is Looking for E-Drivers in California, NY, NJ - What About Ohio?

The Mini, which I blogged about a year ago, saying they should come out with an electric Mini, has now said they are looking for drivers to test the E-product for one year, leasing it, in Southern California, NY and NJ.  In the world of Ohioans being the testing ground for many products, and as a search marketing blogger, I think I should also get the opportunity to test and blog about my experience of the E-Mini.  Hello!!!

 Now, the other thing you’re going to have to do for me, is to prove that the Mini Coop is good and safe for mommy and child.  Can you do that?

 Please send me an invitation to test the Mini E in Ohio, for up to one year, if considered safe for Mommies and Newborn Child.

 http://www.miniusa.com/?eid=179&tid=628&deepLink=/learn/MINIE-m&pid=1287621#/learn/MINIE-m

Related News Stories:

http://www.newsday.com/classified/automotive/ny-cars-minie1021,0,5060357.story - according to this story there is no backseat so that prevents mommy and newborn child from driving new mini electric coop - pooh bear - one more way that electric car companies are missing opportunities - what about eco-conscious women who want to drive electric cars, preferably powered by solar power in the house, and in solar-paneled charging stations.

 More info from TreeHugger.com on electric cars you should know about

Laura Thieme

19th October 2008

It’s Often Said You Can Judge a Person by the Shoes They Wear 5 replies

by Laura Thieme

I’ve been known to have a thing for good shoes.  I refuse to buy any pair of shoes from China, or in fact, any place besides Italy, USA of perhaps Spain.  I admit I have a pair of Manolo’s, purchased a couple of years ago while at the Wynn in Vegas. 

Manolo's Sandals

I’ve got a couple of Pradas and a couple of BCBG shoes.  I do not have Jimmy Choos, yet.   I’m not excessive in my opinion, but I do have a love for sexy shoes. 

Rhinestone Heeled Shoes and Red Toe Rhinestone Pedicure
Rhinestone Pedicure & Shoes for NY SpaFinder.com Event
Pre-Pregnancy

So, while being pregnant, it has been difficult to put aside my love for sexy shoes.  In the first trimester of pregnancy, I was determined to wear jeweled shoes.   They were Stuart Weitzman jeweled black patent sandals.  While they may only have a small wedge, I thought I could still get by with a little feminine style.  I am also very much an open-toed shoe person, so to reduce myself to clogs or slippers was just not likely as some suggested I should.  My massage therapist joked that I’d likely not be long lasting in my jeweled BCBG open-toed sandals.  I was determined to prove her wrong.

Unfortunately, on summer vacation in the beginning of my second trimester, I lost one of my jeweled shoes.  That fixed that challenge.  I was soon thereafter faced with shoe size increases.  From a 7 1/2 to a now (uh), nine, yes, you heard me right, I said a um hmmm.  But hating to give into more maternity clothing purchases, since now I’m saving for two here, I managed to stave off my shoe fetish and avoid DSW like the plague.  I survived with my BCBG flip-flops for most of the summer.  I might admit that after wearing these for several days, I began to notice heel pain that was unforgiveable.  I switched to something more practical in recent weeks.

As fall neared, and my feet increased yet again, I headed off to DSW in hopes for a pair of comfortable shoes.  I stumbled across the wise shoe - the runner’s shoe, and was amazed at how expensive a pair of running shoes could be when you’re not into running (not any more that is).  I then purchased the replacement pair of Clark’s black leather shoes, which are easy to slip on, in that larger size of course.  Then, I stumbled upon a very sexy pair of open-toed shoes with plenty of ankle support, in that upper shoe size.  I justified I could buy yet another pair of shoes as I was preparing for my trip to New York.  I had a reputation at the conferences I had to keep up - the only girl that would easily wear a 4-inch heel all day long.  I justified my shoe purchase with resolution to only wear such “dangerous” shoes in my third trimester if I had to walk from my hotel room to the downstairs lobby, sit and look pretty while eating, listening to the cabaret, or whatever else. 

However, while at the conference in NY, I did no more than show off these shoes in the safety of my hotel room to my girlfriends, who visited me to watch the McCain Obama debate.  They admired the high heel beauty, saluted my insanity and we laughed it off.

 Black Heel Shoe BCBG
BCBG Black Heel Shoe
Third Trimester Pregnancy

Last week, I was in Boston.  I took my BCBG shoes along with me, with hopes of the opportunity of wearing these shoes.  My colleagues said they’d meet me in the lobby and go to dinner in the hotel.  Perfect, safe, controlled opportunity to wear sexy shoes.  I slipped on (and grunted while doing so at eight months pregnant) my beautiful black heels and walked ever so carefully down to the lobby.  You cannot bend well at this stage, so strappy heels are a no-no.  I entered the lobby, and stayed away from slippery floors and hugged the rug.  But within a few minutes, I received a text message from my vendor who said that we were going to go to another place for dinner.  I didn’t know what the “floor” situation would be like, or how much walking I might have to do, so upstairs I trudged.  I changed into my more boring, but yes, safe walking heeled shoes (size 9, open toed but hardly sexy).  Once again, my poor sexy heels returned to the suitcase, unadored, and hardly worn.

I came home from my Boston trip, and took my suitcase upstairs, and pulled my high-heeled shoes out.  Off to church I went this morning, with my boring Clarks shoes.  See, I forgot my other pregnancy open-toed shoes at my brother’s house.  Pregnancy brain.  I came home from church and brunch, and spent the afternoon getting caught up on domestic projects.  I went upstairs late this afternoon, and had a startling discovery. 

Chewed Up BCBG Black Heel Shoe
After My Dog Chewed Up Black BCBG Heel

I admit, I might have over-reacted.  I mean what would you do?  If you saw your hardly worn, over-sized $90 or something pair of shoes, sitting in partial decay with black patent leather pieces of shoe strewn across the floor - what would you have done?  Can I add the following precursors?  I had just heard that Colin Powell had endorsed Obama and said some things not so nice about McCain and thought of the symbolism, I am 33 weeks pregnant and overly tired.  I had come home yesterday to find a number of things that my rescue dog, Lucky, had chewed in my three-day absence all strewn about in the living room.  I’ve been testing her with more house “freedom” lately to prepare for baby Melina’s arrival.  So, I ask, what would you have done in this situation?  Remember, you’re 33 weeks pregnant and you’ve rescued this dog nearly a year ago, and she’s now killed a few pair of good shoes over a year’s time.  I blogged about this the last time she ate my Clark’s shoes.

Well, in case you’re wondering what I did - after I saw the mincemeat shoes - I did what all patient, dog owners would do - I bent over, picked up and threw the BCBG black heeled chewed up dog toy at my dog, which ironically and surprisingly hit her square in the butt, and she and the shoe ran away from me, down the stairs.  She whimpered.  I decided that was not punishment enough, and I went down the stairs, picked up the shoe again, said “BAD DOG” and threw it again at her, which of course missed by several feet.  Her ears peeled back and she looked at me.  I secured her in the foyer expandable kennel, and told her she could forget her freedom days.

I went upstairs and slept sorta, as only a 33-week pregnant woman can do, which consists of 45 minute cat naps.  As I woke up later in pain and discomfort, I could hear a dog in the near distance, barking incessantly.  This young black lab, Max, gets admonished to the garage whenever the family that consists of at least one doctor, doesn’t feel like taking care of the dog, or perhaps it does something bad, like chew shoes.  Recently however, the dog is getting banished to the garage several times a day.   And you always know when, because the dog barks until they let the dog out of the garage.   

I felt bad, as I thought of my own dog, laying very quietly downstairs in her kennelled area.  She did not bark.  She did not whine.  She knew she was in trouble and wasn’t about to do a thing that was bad.  I went downstairs, and bumped my belly into the kennel fenced in area - whincing.  I quietly let her out of her kennel and let her outside to pee.  At least she had not done anything like that in the foyer or anywhere else while I was gone.  I came back inside with her, and put up her kennel and decided to forgive my crazy black lab, whippet high energy dog who suffered only from boredom, and lack of a long walk today.  And now, as I write, she and the two cats sleep beside me, very peaceful. 

So, don’t judge a person just by the shoes they wear, or the fact that they’re pregnant, and unable to wear fancy shoes for long.  The reason they might not be wearing fancy shoes - well, it could be due to the fact that the dog ate them.  And, worse yet, perhaps I should personally be judged by the fact that I threw that shoe’s heel (which you can see above is no fun) at my dog in a hasty reaction.  The moral of the story: Breathe, breathe, breathe when you’re pregnant, and don’t let your bored dog have access to anything that she might want to chew, after you’ve spent a few days away from home, and a few hours unattended.

I’m going to walk the dog -

16th October 2008

Less Than Six Weeks to Delivery - Mission: Arrival Melina!

i have a lot to do - boy, do I have a lot to do -

As I sit here in a Boston hotel room, watching Melina have the hiccups or something - on the right side of my belly - with consistent frequent movement every couple of seconds - and work on a project with my vendor here - I admit my attention is divided.  During dinner tonight, as I listened to fascinating conversation on so many levels with a trusted friend and his highly intelligent manager, and one of their clients.  While we talked about McCain and Obama, the environment, climate change, reflexology, modern medicine versus what you believe (the placebo effect), the Red Sox (yeah, trust me on that one - I have no clue - I just listened and then asked the worst question a person could ask a Red Sox fan (which was something to do with the New York Yankees)), men versus women managers, and much more - the entire time I was aware of Melina’s movements.  I could feel her head rolling underneath my right hand on the right side of my belly.  I could feel her put momentary pressure on my bladder several times.  I could feel her rolling around inside - and yet, as I listened to all this wonderful intellectual conversation about work, politics, environment, belief system, management, etc. - I was clearly partially listening - because the joy inside of knowing I have a daughter arriving soon - and that is a division of my focus clearly - on what she’s doing - what she wants - is a joy and satisfaction that is innocent at best right now. 

Clearly, as a non-parent up till now, I don’t have anything in the world to compare what I’m about to deliver - I have no idea - no clue - it’s completely unknown.  I am scared.  I hope for the best.  I hope for healthy mind, body, spirit - I hope for her that she will be okay - that I can face her challenges as well as my own - and learn to protect in the beginning years, and then slowly learn to let go in some ways. 

Is it crazy to say, “I just have to deliver her - which I’m scared shitless about - via c-section”, then followed by “I just have to pray she’s healthy - that’s she’s okay “, “I just have to get her to breast-feed”,  “I just have to recover and get in the groove of becoming a mom”, “I just have to get over the next hump of handling running a business meanwhile being a mom”, “I just have to make sure she’s healthy and happy in our home”, “I just have to pray I can do this”, “I just have to….” all these little baby steps for mommy as much as for daughter.

My friends and my brother/sister-in-law are lining up to help.  Neighbors are doing this as well.  Melina is scheduled to arrive Thanksgiving week - date/time will not be shared here until after her arrival - but I know the date/time.  Of course, Melina could arrive earlier, but the doctor saw me yesterday and does not want this to happen.  He does not think this will happen.  However, ironically, since I’ve seen my doctor, I’ve had three people tell me (one friend and two strangers) that I’ve dropped, and the two who don’t know me have said, I’m carrying low.  Considering I’m having a girl, and that typically means high, I can only hope they are wrong.  Knowing how important it is for Melina’s arrival to be post- 38 weeks, even though they say after 37 weeks all is well for delivery.  But Doc says that statistics show even 38 weeks is not as good as 39 weeks, etc.

Without a doubt, knowing of her arrival date and approximate time of arrival - despite utter exhaustion from not ever sleeping well - and latest middle-of-night body aches and wierd pains, and what sounds like body cracks at times - it makes you want to get your “butt” in gear and forget your exhaustion because there are more things to get done business wise and personal - to ensure a safe preparation for “Arrival Melina!”

For those of you offering to help, thank you.  For those of you actually helping, more thanks to you - it’s easy to offer help - it’s harder to give of yourself, several times over - and I appreciate all of you who have truly helped me through this pregnancy. 

I imagine announcements will go out electronically from the recovery room via Facebook and Twitter, and posting to this blog and Flickr.  I’ll have approximately 4 days to recover in the hospital after the c-section, and then I’ll be in a 6-week recovery program with Melina at home, although working from home after three weeks.

I have guests coming in to stay with me for the first three weeks - and neighbors/friends offering to help, cook dinner, etc.  I am very thankful.

Melina, I can’t believe it’s almost time to meet you - these next 5 1/2 weeks will fly by - and who knows if I’ll ever get this luxury again to be pregnant!   It is God-send to have your presence in my womb and to witness your development already.  I have to laugh at your movements sometimes - and wonder what you are up to….  You are already a distraction - your movement inside consumes me at times - how I marvel at your extension inside of me - I can only pray that you grow up to be a woman that shares the desire to have such pleasure in her life - to be distracted by the desire for children, the desire to love unconditionally, the desire to nurture, the desire to lead - I am thankful for this desire for you and hope I can live up to your expectations and that you learn in time to forgive me for when I can’t.

15th October 2008

C-Section Date Scheduled

I know Melina’s due date, by c-section - which is about 1 week and a half before her official due date.  Think sometime the week of Thanksgiving.  I’m scared, yet excited.  I’ve seen some c-section videos - ugh - it’ll make you want to lose your cookies if you see the cut made into the stomach and uterus.  What women go through to have children is amazing!  Natural, induced or c-section - childbirth is not an easy thing and is something to be respected.  I’m admittedly nervous about this, mostly because I had a really tough surgery and recovery about two years ago for fibroids.  They will go through the same incision in the tummy.  The doctor says it is typically easier to have a c-sec then a myomyectomy, which is what I had two years ago.  I had some complications and am quite frankly nervous about having these again, or something similar - and knowing I have a child to take care of simultaneously. 

I am interested in the little things about having Melina brought to me right after she’s taken out of the womb, and that she’s beside me, hopefully doesn’t need to go to NIC-U.  I’m learning from doulas what’s possible and what’s not.

Watching the McCain Obama Debate Tonight

I’m an undecided voter.  Not one of those you see polling from Columbus, Ohio live on CNN.com, but one who is on Twitter tonight, and on this blog.   I’ll be posting my one-liners along the way.

I don’t like either candidate on certain issues.  I don’t like negative campaigning.  I don’t like it when McCain gets into a nasty fight with Obama.  I don’t like Obama’s economic policies as of yet, or suggestions.  I am not sure I like McCain’s either.

Good one on McCain - that he is not President Bush.  But can he really get a balanced budget with this mess, in four years?  I don’t think so.  I don’t think Obama could do that either.  And, I’m not sure it really matters in four years. 

Negative campaigning - good on Bob Scheifer(SP?) - some of the words used - can you say it to each other’s face?  McCain glosses over it.  Obama - says that people think that 100% of McCain’s ads are negative. 

Basically, I find this a little painful to watch.  I found the last one a little painful to watch - nothing new over the first one.  I found the first to be very good.  But a second and a third is like watching a husband and wife squabble over the same issues time after timer.

Don’t we all have someone we know who has done something less than admirable?  The Ayers issue again.  Acorn - what is the affiliation with Obama on that?  Obama represented them in Illinois.  Why are we questioning Obama’s affiliations here?  I think that is a fear tactic on the side of the Republicans, and previously it was used by Hilary Clinton.

It doesn’t help McCain to assault Obama on every point.  Energy crisis.  I don’t want more drilling or more nuclear power.  Although drilling is already happening north in the Arctic, regardless of Obama or McCain.  Obama says we can reduce our dependence within ten years - that’s more realistic he says.  Solar, wind and biodiesel - I wonder if it’s true that he’ll really make a difference here, or if it’s a way to get elected.  McCain - get it through your head - I don’t want offshore drilling.   

14th October 2008

A Recliner Would Be Really Nice About Now!

Last night, I wandered into Ashley Furniture Store in hopes that I could find a recliner.  Not sure if I wanted to buy it, or not, but more importantly wanted to sit into a recliner and feel like I was in heaven.  A neighbor friend of mine said that she slept in a recliner towards the end of her pregnancy.  I found this chestnut colored leather recliner, and sat in it for a good 30 minutes, wondering if I’d fall asleep in it.  I noticed the paddy wagon in front of Babies R Us - I wondered if they would have to cart me out of Ashley Furniture for squatting.

 Recliner
Link to Product

Does this not look like a good place for a pregnant woman to spend some time?  Too bad the economy is what it is.  I sat in so many recliners, but the worst thing you can tell a pregnant woman is that the product can be delivered in a few weeks.  What?  You would have had me at it can be delivered tomorrow, but Halloween or shortly after that, don’t think so.

The funny thing is that the concept of a recliner seems to go hand in hand with a beer-drinking, man who spends a little too much time on his butt in front of the TV, or a grandpa - not in the slightest would I have ever seen myself in this type of chair. 

Chestnut Recliner

But comfort is priceless and when you’re exhausted, in pain at times, and in discomfort a lot of the time, somehow $800 for a recliner seems rediculously iyet  understandably inspired by a baby girl who is becoming more real all the time.   I feel Melina move most in this position, when I’m in a recliner mode.  I think it was my childbirth doula who said that babies face posterior moreso now than before, due to our recliner lifestyle.  Babies used to face forward, which actually made it harder to come through the birth canal.  Melina sometimes moves so much now that my belly moves around in so many places, you’d think she was shuttering.  It’s not just a kick here or there, it’s a near shutter of activity taking place in my uterus.  Other times, it must be her legs or feet reaching down into my bladder or other parts down there - because quite frankly I feel like I have to use the restroom a little more often - and then the move must change - because the urge passes.

I’ve decided that there needs to be some new computer tables made up for recliners to keep off the pregnant women’s bellies while they typed.

Okay, I’m watching a batch of shows on TV tonight, in partial recliner mode in the glider/ottoman.  House and Mentalist - the latter of which is totally hot.  My legs ache and I have a headache.  But as one of my colleagues shared with me last night, as I was texting her from the recliner at Ashley, the comfort once Melina arrives will be different when she screams .  Somehow that made the recliner at Ashley all that more peaceful - I can merely watch and wonder about her movement at this point.  Soon, within a few weeks, the movement will no longer be a mystery.

8th October 2008

I Can’t Sleep - and Melina is Moving About at 5:30 a.m. 1 reply

It’s 5:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep.  The good news is that I’ve given into the mind and am now online, where my mind can do more than run rampant at this hour in the dark.  I’m in NYC, so that means I can hear the city awaken easily and know I”m not the only one up at this hour.  I’m rarely up at this hour for long.

I brought protein snacks with me, so if I got hungry in the middle of the night, Melina and I had could have some nourishment.  It’s funny what you can eat at eight months pregnancy at this hour while travelling.  Tuna snacks, right?  YUM.  I’m kinda kidding but not.

Melina is now bumping and grooving inside me, now that she’s had something to drink and eat.  I’m also out of what has become an extraordinarily uncomfortable position, and that’s side lying for hours at night.  I imagine when I’m more at ease, Melina is.  Your hip and shoulder joints are not meant to take the pressure of sleeping on your side at night with growing weight, and thus scream in protest from stiffness after a night’s sleep.  I’m up every hour or so throughout the night, and consider that it’s good the blood is flowing normally when I arise from bed.  However, the discomfort at this stage can sometimes be amazing.  I’ve decided that this is the real reason pregnant women cry  more at this stage - we’re exhausted!  I had friends over last night to watch the debate in my hotel room, and one of the ladies commented at how she remembers such discomfort at this stage in pregnancy.  She loved pregnancy but agreed that this stage is not so much fun.  You simply can not get comfortable, for long.  You find a comfortable spot, and then you transition moments later, but it’s causing a shooting pain, or numbness somewhere in your body, or your belly is just too big, too heavy.

However, despite the discomfort, in some strange way, you still feel beautiful.  To have the luxury of being pregnant, to feel a child moving in your womb, is amazing.  I get a kick out of what most of the men say in my life when they see me - “Uh, wow, geez….”  Now, guys, you are supposed to see a pregnant lady and see the beauty here too, regardless.  I mean do you know how many men we look at with beer bellies, some of which I might add are larger than a woman’s pregnant belly at 32 weeks????  Yet, despite the fact that we have to push out a turkey from our oven, or have the child surgically removed with a massive incision in our belly while we are awake no less, some men are incapable of seeing the beauty here, or for that matter saying so. 

Most women I know that are married, indicate that men are not so good at this, and that sympathy from the men in their lives while pregnant was slim or non-existent.  But thank goodness for women, because they look at you with love, admiration and yes, sympathy for what you’re feeling at this stage in the game.  In the meantime, because of this beauty that comes from within, this glow, I want to find a tasteful nude black and white photographer that captures this maternal essence which is God-given before it’s all over.  Some beautiful photography work, who are not necessarily close to me but truly have captured this stage of life in such beauty:

Linnea Lenkus - favorite photos captured below - too bad she is in California

A favorite shot with the innocence of a child reaching up to the mommy’s tummy - love this shot!

Another stunning shot - black and white photography - of black and white pregnant couple - absolutely beautiful!

A very maternal photo - of pregnant mother holding her young toddler

For newborn black and white photo - of mother and infant

A great father, newborn photo - yawning - great captured moment

The newborn family - raw beauty

Another photographer - Koren -

Maternal pregnancy shot of man and woman

Black and white nude photo of pregnant woman - Jennifer Loomis in California, New York

Shot with daughters and pregnant mother - draped - Jennifer Loomis

So - three  photographers - I salute you for capturing the beauty of pregnancy, with or without men - thank you for your tasteful display of such art.

In closing, women - thank you for your understanding of pregnant women - if you’ve been here, you get it

Men - see the beauty in a pregnant woman - without her, you would not have been born, nor can you be in fact re-born.  Better yet, not only recognize the beauty, but say it.

7th October 2008

I Hate to Say This but McCain Did Not Win Points in Tonight’s Debate

I admit it - I come from a Republican family.  I always liked McCain.  I am not pro-drilling.  I am not pro-Iraq, but believe that we can’t just hang up our hats and walk out the door easily considering the problems at hand.  I have Marine Corp brothers, and a Catholic family background.  But despite that background, tonight, McCain didn’t work for me.  I have been known to switch sides before, although I often vote Republican.  You know I like what Palin did in her debate, although clearly she was not so good on the Katie Couric interview.  I also thought she held her own in the Biden debate, but didn’t care for the colloquialisms or down-home references to Joe Six Pack or winks, or soccer moms.  But I’m not voting for Palin, I’m voting for the president, and she’s not running for president.  I once thought Cheney made Bush look better - but Cheney hasn’t done much, nor did Gore make an impression on me as Vice President.  He does now, don’t get me wrong.  So I don’t get hung up too much on the vice-presidential ticket.  And for those of you who are crusading against Palin, and sending me emails on this, I don’t read them.  I have better things to do with  my time, and suggest you do the same.  Why do women, especially, love to hate women?  Do something more useful with your time, please.  Most of you sending these emails happen to be Democrats, so if you want to crusade for something, do something for the environment and join T. Boone Pickens, or WeCanSolveIt.org, or something that actually adds value to the world. 

There were questions about what McCain would do if elected, but the responses were personal against Obama.  I’ve already heard this in the debate - but didn’t expect that in a town hall meeting format.  Seeing the CNN coverage from Columbus, Ohio undecided voters, and the ratings - you would think that Obama will surely win.  Although when I saw the poll tonight an hour later showed more voting for McCain, I wondered is that because it’s a historical Republican electoral vote?  Every single person I know, well minus one, says they are voting for Obama.  I have not decided yet, but liked what Obama had to say tonight.  I don’t actually believe either of them, but Obama clearly did better in the debate/town hall tonight.  He wasn’t as abrasive as McCain - he offered “solutions” although I find them ironic at times, considering what he critiques in one moment and yet defends in another scenario if it was his idea. 

It is so easy with leadership to point the finger - it is so easy to say that Bush is the reason that we are hurting economically right now - it is so easy to have an issue with a female governor who winks at the camera - it is so easy to say we did the wrong thing with Iraq - but quite frankly we could be easily saying the same thing about Obama in four years or eight.   We cannot possibly hold government responsible for everything - there is a lot wrong with our society - and if we think that life will be better with Obama because he sounds and looks good, and handles a debate better than McCain, that is not necessarily true.  Society needs to change - and we can no longer look to government to solve our problems when we claim bankruptcy after we overcharged our credit cards, we can’t expect free healthcare for all, we all eventually have to pay the bill, one way or another.  Neither Obama or McCain can fix everything.

6th October 2008

Baby Melina is Breech - She Already Has Hair!

Last week, I felt a pretty big move in my belly - and then after that felt very little movement for days.  Something had changed - and I wasn’t at ease with the hospital’s heart beat monitor process.  Last Friday, I called my doctor’s office and asked if there was any way to come in for monitoring and perhaps hopefully an ultrasound.  They indulged me with kindness, monitored Melina on the fetal heartbeat monitor, and gave me two cold bottles of apple juice.  This is supposed to encourage Melina to move.  I told them that ice cream does the trick too - but apparently they didn’t have that - ;-)

 They did the ultrasound and showed that Melina was in fact breech, and now her head was right by my chest.  I felt a closer bonding knowing she was by my heart, even though you can’t deliver a breech baby.  But they said it was early, and she might flip again at least once.  The technician gave me credit for “mother’s intuition” and said it was pretty cool that I could tell something had changed this past week.  I felt connected to Melina and absolutely relieved to know that her fluid was fine, she was not in distress, and of all things, she already has hair.  They showed me the ultrasound picture of her hair - very cool.  Said she’d probably have a head of hair by the time she’s born.  I’ve always had a thick head of hair, so that was exciting to learn.

Her breech position made more sense now - I had found it more difficult to breathe this past week, and a different type of discomfort in the lower anatomy, and I’m not talking about my legs.  The nurse also said she was facing my back - posterior facing.  Since I know I have to have a c-section, due to fibroid surgery two years ago, and the risk of uterine rupture - breech isn’t a concern unless there is some issue with Melina staying in this position.  Since the nurses made no issues about it - I’m feeling fine about it.

I continue to finish the nursery with her crib bedding that I’m sewing.  Two friends came over this weekend, Mary from WDC, and Alicia from in-town to continue their support individually for Melina’s expected arrival in the next several weeks.  It feels good to have so much support from all places, all people.  Mary already sent a hi-chair but also brought clothes, and cloth diapers, which I can use as burp clothes as opposed to the other obvious use.  I’m now in NYC and happy to be here - away from dog, cats and homekeeping responsibilities.  I love room service, and maid service on a whenever I need it basis.  Nothing better than that, just about.

Just content to be on my last flight trip to see some business colleagues before I deliver her.  Next time, I travel, it will be with Melina, diapers and car seat/stroller and all the fun stuff. 

3rd October 2008

Two Hours in the Hospital at Midnight to Monitor Fetal Movement 1 reply

The last two days and tonight’s fetal movement have been about as momentous as the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate tonight. I’ve been lucky to enjoy a lot of Melina’s bumps and kicks - and even though they say you need about six movements per hour, I’ve been feeling about two per minute. That of course, is lying down on your side at night, and taking the time to pay attention. I feel her throughout the day, in meetings, and at funny moments but in general feel her often - until a couple of days ago. I haven’t felt much movement. Tonight, after watching portions of the debate, I retired to the nursery where I sometimes begin my Goldilocks-like night of moving from bed to bed, trying to get comfortable. There is already such a warm, fuzzy feeling in my nursery that sometimes it’s nice to fall asleep there. However, tonight as I fell asleep, I monitored for fetal movement and felt nothing. I dozed off, woke up, and felt nothing.

So, it’s always fun to call the OB-GYN’s on-call service at 11:45 p.m. Not only do you not want to go to the hospital at this hour, you know if you call to be on the safe side, the doctor is going to do the same - take the safe route and tell you to go to the hospital. So, I did just that, and the doctor did just that - and off to the hospital I went at midnight to hop on the fetal monitor and ensure baby Melina was okay. I would regret it if something happened, and I was told I should have gone in earlier. I just read the other day where a pregnant doctor here in Ohio felt little to no fetal movement, and ended up going in to having it checked out (and she’s a OB), and ended up delivering that very day, earlier than expected.

Neither do you want to feel like an idiot by doing this - and if anyone knows me well - they know I suffer from sleep issues, which are further compounded by the third trimester discomforts which are now joint pains from sleeping on your side/hip/shoulder joints for months at a time (not to mention growing weight to support). But better safe than sorry is the old adage and it applies well when pregnant for sure. The Labor and Delivery nurses at Riverside are great - I’ve been on two maternal tours already (one with childbirth class, and one more in-depth guided-tour separately prior to childbirth class). I’ve become a little more comfortable with the hospital’s layout and services related to delivering something like 7,000 babies a year.

The nurse, named Laura, put two fetal monitors on me, and soon I heard Melina’s heartbeat. Listening to her heartbeat and knowing that everything appears to be just fine - brings tears to your eyes. It’s like the greatest peace of mind that you get with a scoop of ice cream - for that moment in time - there is really nothing wrong with the world. Hee hee. I listened to her heart beat, which sounded something like a really fit marathoner skipping rope, or one of those paddles that have the ball attached with a rubber band of sorts (that if you’re good and have nothing else better to do on a summer eve, you can hit that ball squarely on the paddle every single time). It was in the high 140s, which is good, the nurse said.

The nurse brought in apple juice and water. She said we had to get Melina excited, and until then I would not be able to go home. But no such luck - Melina was not to be “excitable”, which by everything I’ve read, a sign of a healthy baby. It seems to me that Melina’s activity has lessened over the past few days, since Monday night to be exact. So the nurse finally agreed to have me go home, with directions on monitoring fetal movement (10 movements per hour in the evenings, lying on your side).

I recorded her heartbeat while I was standing there trying to get Melina to move. Some of her movements I could feel in middle of my tummy - with the heartbeat monitor telling me there was movement. But in general, Melina’s activity was a fraction compared to the lady next door to me, whom I could hear had some activity hopping around in the oven.

Let’s hope everything is all right - they dismissed me so that’s obviously a good sign - but to me something is not quite right the last few days. I always try to think positively and not freak out about this kind of stuff, which is why I went to the hospital. However, I would have felt better if we had the 10 movements per hour, or Melina got “excited” as Nurse Laura suggested. But she said my fetal heart beat was very good and not to worry.

So, tonight, it’s 3 a.m. I’ve picked up a vanilla shake which always helps me to sleep, not to mention encourages Melina to move about. I remembered the days of cruising the drive-thru at that hour after a little bit of fun. Not the same for a pregnant lady coming home from the hospital at 2 a.m. - how times have changed in a good way.

I’ll turn on the sleep monitor that came as a baby shower gift the other day - and listen to the waves of the ocean, and imagine I’m in Laguna Beach, CA with white shutter doors overlooking the dark ocean on a night where you can hear nothing but the thunderous waves crashing on the rocks protruding from the sandy beach. Melina, I can only trust you are okay, and God, I can only have faith in you that she is as well.

Postscript: As I lay here in the nursery listening to the “ocean waves of Laguna Beach” and re-read my entry, I’ve felt at least seven movements already. My cat has settled into place above my head on one of the pillows, and the vanilla shake has put me in a mood to sleep and dream well, giving Melina the physical and spiritual nourishment she needs.