3rd January 2010

Macrobiotic Lifestyle - Macrobiotic Cooking - The Anti-Cancer Food

Christine Finnegan introduced me to macrobiotic cooking.  She is in her second round of breast cancer, and now ovarian cancer.  In her online journals, I noted that she ended every single entry with think pink, pay it forward, and eat more kale.  I wondered what was the significance of kale?

Simultaneously, when my daughter started having some issues last summer, my integrated care pediatrician recommended kale, spinach and more water over laxatives, the latter of which were prescribed by her then pediatrician.   Kale and spinach totally does the trick for my little girl, so I’d been purchasing it anyway for her.

I then learned about macrobiotic cooking, from Chris Finnegan.  Macro meals include leafy collard greens or things I normally would avoid with a ten-foot pole.  My form of greenery is spinach or salads, but collard greens, YUCKERs!  Well, that was until I learned of the anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer benefits.  I learned how to cook it so it actually tastes great.

I started to pick up some books from Whole Foods about macrobiotic cooking, although you can get them cheaper at Amazon.com (see link/image below).

I’ve cooked many meals since using kale (best at Whole Foods - Kroger’s is usually curly, leafy kale whereas Whole Foods has the dark green flatter kale, which is much easier to cut and cook).  Whole Foods usually has three or four varieties of kale, and they are usually very pretty compared to what you see at mainstream grocery stores.

For macrobiotic cooking, you need a pressure cooker.  I picked up a deluxe rice cooker at Lowe’ and am getting a pressure cooker.  I have purchased and eaten more brown rice in the past two months than I have probably in years.

Some of the macrobiotic ingredients are hard to find, but many you can get at Whole Foods, or even online such as:

1) Tamari and Shoyu Soy Sauce

2)  Sesame oil

3) Dark leafy kale - flat over curly green kale

4) Shiitake mushrooms

5) brown rice

6) tofu

7) carrots

8) ginger

9) nori (seaweed like they roll sushi in)

10) wakame (have yet to find this at Whole Foods, but you can buy online or at Japanese market I imagine)

11) white fish - cod, wild caught (Whole Foods) and sustainable scallops, wild caught

I now cook kale and brown rice on a near-daily basis.  If I am cooking for you, or you are coming over, you’re likely to get kale, sorry folks.  ;-)  I cooked a meal for some friends of mine the other night, and they loved it.  In fact, my friend called me last night to say that her boyfriend is obsessed about this fish recipe.  They cleaned the serving dish clean, so that was a good sign.  These people love nachos, so I figured it was even a better sign.

Other books I am reading about this way of living:

1) Macrobiotics for Dummies

2) Nature’s Cancer Fighting Foods - about acidity (caffeine, sugar, alcohol) in our diet, versus alkalinity (kale, sea vegetables)

Of course, to give up caffeine or Starbucks, is hard to do.  It’s not so much the coffee, it’s the routine of going through the drive-thru on the way to work.  But seeing cancer’s affect on Chris Finnegan, and knowing others with cancer, and hoping to avoid it myself, makes me want to cut back on caffeine and have a less acidic lifestyle.

So far, my favorite macro meal has included, which I also fixed for Christine:

1) Sesame oil in pan - enough to almost cover the bottom - saute one medium onion, sliced shiitake mushrooms (about one container) and kale (slice dark kale diagonally - about 2/3 bunch of fresh) and some sea salt to season.  After this is cooked down, add just a tsp of barley miso (Whole Foods) or however much you want.  This has a very strong flavor, so start light and add as you want, after you add the rice.

2) Steam brown rice in rice steamer or pressure cooker, then add cooked rice in with already cooked vegetable mix.  Personally, I think the flavors of these ingredients all compliment one another.

3) Marinate white fish, cod, or scallops in Tamari Soy Sauce & Ginger for 30 minutes - bake for about 30-40 minutes depending on size of fish (try to get Wild Caught, which is expensive but available at Whole Foods)

4) Prefer to remove fish from soy ginger sauce and place with veggie, rice dish, which has some of its own sauce.  Soy sauce, ginger mix is a bit strong, so you may choose to opt out of using the sauce from the baked fish mixture. IF you can’t find Tamari soy sauce at your local grocery store, Kroger, then I have once substituted Annie Chung’s Tamari Sesame Dressing, which is gluten free, but is likely less healthy than soy/ginger mix.  It does not recommend commercial soy sauces in the macrobiotic diet.  Use only Tamari or Shoyu sauce brand.

2nd January 2010

Tonight I Hugged My Daughter Just a Little Harder, a Little Longer than Usual

It’s not quite 10:00.  I have not blogged in over a month.  We went home for Christmas.  We had our share of joys and challenges on the trip, but it was good for Melina to be around her family for the holidays.  It’s amazing how sensitive we can be about the holidays.  Basically, few people I know, including myself, want to be alone for the holidays.  Regardless of whether that means romantic inclinations, or familial inclinations, we just don’t want to feel alone or lonely during the holidays.

Ironically, I’ve had Christmases with boyfriends, and have felt alone during the holidays.  I can remember a few years back being with my then-boyfriend Steve and his two daughters.  I was sick as a dog for Christmas.  I can remember fighting about stupid things, but was what underneath that frustration had to do with my deep desire to have my own family, not someone else’s family on loan for the holidays.

Years later, I am happy to report that I had the joy of driving home for the holidays to spend Christmas with Melina’s grandparents, aunt Lilly & Uncle Donald, and her cousins.  Yes, there were a couple of overly intense moments, but those were overshadowed by joy in seeing my daughter crawl, cruise and move about the kitchen and living area and play with her cousins, fall asleep on her grandfather’s chest in the rocking chair, and “talk” to Granny & PaPa in the kitchen as they prepared the turkey.

We returned mid-week, had New Year’s Eve festivities with a couple of close friends and neighbors, but have had a hard time getting our butts in gear the past day or two. I tried to justify my laziness with the ability to be this way, that moms rarely get such luxury, but I still felt guilty for taking a mid-morning nap with my daughter.

Tomorrow, I’m scheduled to take a macrobiotic meal to my friend’s Mom in Chagrin Falls, Ohio.  I’ll do a separate entry on the benefits of eating macrobiotic food, or anti-cancer food, on another day.  But basically, it’s kale, leafy collard greens, brown rice, sesame oil, white fish, shittake mushrooms, miso soup - somewhat like a Japanese diet.  It looks at a less-acidic way of life, so coffee, sugar and alcohol are considered excluded from the macro dietary way of living.

Later this evening, after cooking this macro meal for my friend’s Mom, and enjoying some of it myself, I learned that she has gone into The Hospice Residence and is not eating.  I met Sarah’s Mom, Christine, a couple of weeks ago in person while she was at Case Western’s Hospice Care in Cleveland.  As Melina and I met Christine for the first time, I was amazed at how much Melina immediately bonded with her.  Melina was concerned when the nurse came in and adjusted her tubes.  Melina wanted to get up on Christine, literally, and of course, Chris seemed to want it as well despite the tubes and fluid retention.  I knew that when I said goodbye that night, I might not see Chris again.   I wondered how hard it must be to have all your mind intact, and the heart and desire to keep on living, despite the body’s inability to fight a horrific disease.

The past week Chris fought to get home for Christmas.  In fact, she went to extreme measures to be home with her family for Christmas, and perhaps avoid dying over Christmas.  She had her lungs sealed, one by one, in two hospital surgeries.  She got out of hospice care at the hospital, and made it home to her brother’s over Christmas.  She made it through New Year’s, but today, she was checked into Hospice Residence, which is a final resting spot before Chris’ battle with breast & ovarian cancer will finally end.

You know that song, Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw??   This woman has fought to the core, every day, to continue living.  As I read through her online journal the first time, a few months ago, I was amazed at the strength and vitality of this person, despite the havoc cancer had wreaked upon her body.

As my daughter struggled to fall asleep tonight, instead of letting her battle it out on her own, I went in and hugged her a little harder, a little longer tonight.  With her sweet face close to mine, I prayed for Chris Finnegan.  I don’t know why we must suffer from such horrific cancers, but from Chris and her online journal I have learned a lot about what this has done to her body.  It has made me eat healthier, get a mammogram despite breastfeeding and several barrriers to this believe it or not, get a few more tests run at the OSU health center and pursue my health for my daughter’s sake as much as my own.  I realize how much I eat incorrectly, in terms of caffeine, sugar and to a lesser extent, alcohol, all of which can cause tumors and cancers to grow.  Chris has fought so incredibly hard, with such valiance, prayer, and kindness as noted through her online journal.  She has amazed me, and yet, I hardly know her.  I know her daughter, and not well at that.

It seems too many I know have come in touch with cancer in some way.  I know some whose both parents have had cancer, at a young age.  We have to examine our lives, and what we come in touch with, that causes such high rates of cancer.   Perhaps we can learn a little from someone who has had cancer, who has fought it valiantly, and has tried to teach others of how to do things differently.

My prayers go out to her and her family tonight, as I can only hope that there is white light, and numerous warm angels to take Chris to a better, healthier, happier place.  I hope God has a place waiting for her in heaven.  When you know someone who has died or is dying of cancer, it seems as if it is a God-less journey at times.    There are many miracles along the journey, but the journey seems to be excruciating for all involved.

So, tonight, I hugged my daughter a little longer.  I reached out to a couple of people.  And I thank God for what I have today.  I pray to do better tomorrow, to pay it forward, and as Chris has said in every online journal entry - think pink, pay it forward, and eat more kale.   Seriously, buy a pressure or rice cooker; go to Whole Foods and buy some dark green kale and brown rice, steam the rice and saute the kale in some sesame oil.  Throw in the rice and some shiitake mushrooms, and eat healthy now, as if you were dying.  Your body will thank you now, and later.

26th November 2009

Our First Real Thanksgiving as a Family at Home

Last Thankgsiving, I was a new mom of four days in shock, on drugs (the hospital kind after you have a c-section), and quietly enjoying a near-empty hospital.  We were staying at the hospital for another day, as Melina had jaundice.

Here we are one sweet potato year later.  I have already had my first happy boo hoo moment over fixing sweet potato casserole.

Mom’s sweet potato casserole recipe vs my revised casserole recipe

As my daughter crawls, pulls to standing, and tries to cruise taking little first steps on her own, I am in awe.  While we had our first high fever scare, which turned out to be Roseola, we are suffering only from a cough this morning.  We are staying at home and cooking, having canceled our trip to see family in Missouri.

Melina missed any birthday party celebrations I had scheduled for her, but on this Thanskgiving we are so happy to be in one another’s lives.  Well, I can only really speak for myself.  I am happy to have her in my life.  It seems she is happy too, from what others tell me. ;-)

I am fixing sweet potato casserole topped with organic pumpkin flax granola.  I’ve snuck several tastes, and have decided it’s a good thing to keep on the menu.  The granola has softened enough in the cooking to offer some to Melina.

I’ve brined my turkey breast with a cranberry blend brining mix.  The turkey breast was about all we could get at Whole Foods the evening before Thanksgiving.  However, it’s more than enough for the two of us.  We are choosing to stay in to avoid any further exposure as M’s immunity is not quite normal after a high fever.

The theme this Thanksgiving is anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory rich cooking on behalf of someone I know who has breast cancer, which has spread to many parts of her body.  So, we’re adding KALE to our Thanksgiving.  I’ll let you know which recipe is our final choice, but I’m reviewing a recipe from Andrew Weil’s 8 Weeks to Optimum Health book that includes kale and potatoes.

We’re doing fresh cranberries with apples Melina and I picked a couple of weeks ago.

We’re stuffing the little turkey breast with cranberry stuffing.

We’re managing without foil paper and cinnamon this Thanksgiving.

The pilgrims didn’t have foil paper.  Nor did they have refridgerators to store mass quantities of food, but I’m sure they had cold weather that helped keep food cold.

I’m listening to Il Divo’s Christmas album on my iPod to put us in the holiday spirit.

Taking care of a little one and preparing a real Thanksgiving dinner, if just for the two of us, should be interesting.  I’m curious to see what time we’ll eat, or will we just munch throughout the day as Mom finally gets things prepared?

I’ll add some photos later.  But we are healthy, we have one another, we are warm, we are surrounded by four-legged friends who don’t know today from any other day other than Mom is cooking something pretty good in the kitchen.

Enjoy your holiday.  While we don’t have lots of people around today, we have all we need.

24th November 2009

One Year Young - Melina & Mommy Time

This is my last entry of First Year of Raising Baby Girl.  It is the eve of Melina’s first birthday.  It’s really now 3 a.m. as I finish this entry after working for nearly 3 hours on catch up projects with a client/vendor.

Melina is spending her first birthday with Roseola rash, preceded by what is likely a case of H1N1.  Children’s Hospital is unable to confirm H1N1, however, last Wednesday Melina began to feel warm.  I heard the first cough as I picked her up from a friend’s house.  By Thursday night the fever spiked to 103.5.  Then Friday evening, it spiked again to 103.6.  Screaming bouts became the norm, and her cough worsened. 

My pediatrician expressed concern about H1N1 and pneumonia.  She recommended Elderberry (Sambucos).  Her cough was and is occasional, and as many coughs are worse at night, hers is the same.  She suggested if things did not improve by mid-afternoon on Saturday, when the Elderberry would have opportunity to work on Melina’s immunity, to get a chest x-ray and rule out pneumonia.

After  a little reading up on pneumonia and H1N1, as well as Elderberry and learning that Elderberry might have an issue with pneumonia, and one article about a parent thinking their 5 year old daughter just had a cold, and were now grieving the loss of their child, I was up at 4 a.m. consoling Melina and deciding to get her ready to take into the hospital.  I figured why wait until mid-day to see if that fever were to come down?

 When you see your child begin to no longer register, no longer look at you, and stare into space and become listless, it was time to take serious action.  I never want to be a parent who listened to some who dismiss this as nothing, or another time where “kids get sick, I’m sure she’ll be fine”.  The fact is that we say these things to try to make others feel better.  What else can we say?  But I knew taking Melina at 6:30 a.m. downtown was the right thing to do.  As I drove and watched her in my rearview mirror, I became more nervous watching her.  She had her eyes open, but was silent, and the eyes registered nothing.

It was simply scary. 

They gave me recommendations to alternate Tylenol and Motrin, and to increase dosage based on her latest weight.  It worked.  Her fever came down by Saturday evening, but the cough worsened and screaming continued.  I’m so lucky that Melina does not have that type of personality.  But it is earth-shattering when that happens.  I bought and ate an entire box of chocolates in three days.  Reminded me of the first six weeks of having Melina.  I didn’t dare have a glass of wine, but the chocolate was probably just as bad for her, as yes, I’m still nursing twice to three times a day. 

As of this evening, while I was nursing her after getting out for just five hours and trying to fit in work and a rather long eye doctor appointment, I noticed a rash.  It wasn’t just on her tummy - it was everywhere and red.  I recalled it being there slightly the other morning.  The nurse at Children’s pointed it out to me. It was very slight.  But now, it was increasingly angry.  Perhaps this is why she was screaming so much.

I talked to the doctor and she said it was likely Roseola.  It fit with the high temperature. 

I’ve been up around the cl0ck for many days, recovering sleep with baby slept.  She is now starting to sleep much better, but tonight I noticed she looked out of it after having Tylenol.  The doc said Roseola can cause muscle aches, head aches and other pain.  I wondered if 4 ml was too much, or if it was just how she felt.  She did not cry at all tonight going to bed.  She just went to sleep.  She did not talk.  She did not chirp.  She did nothing.  It’s 3 a.m. and I’ve checked on her hourly while I’ve worked on overdue projects. 

She apparently is sleeping well from the Tylenol, I hope, I pray.

But as I went downstairs earlier tonight and picked up the birthday gift wrap and tissue paper, I laid down on the floor and prayed to God.  I thanked him for this moment.  To think where I was a year ago.  To think that this is my life as I looked around my living room.  A bookcase filled with books for Melina, Baby Einstein DVDs, books on how to care for your child, toys, a pack n play, a brand new “car” walker, an exersaucer, and tissue wrap, opened gifts, and cards. 

The “BEST” part of my night, watching her try to throw her clothes around, thrashing them back and forth up in the air, then get up, and crawl with sticky fingers and torn up tissue paper on her hands.  She quickly crawled away and squealed in delight as I “chased” her on all fours down the hallway.

This is my life with Melina, the good part.  This is why when she goes quiet, and stares off into space, it scares me and I pray she is okay, and is on the mend, and I can just say “has she ever had Roseola” - check yes. 

I am thankful for this first year of raising my baby girl.  I am in awe.  I am challenged.  I am stretched thin.  I have aged older, yet younger all at once.  I am poorer, financially, but richer spiritually.  I am a fulfilled woman.  I am at times rather haggard looking.  But I feel like our life is exactly all I could have possibly dreamt of, and am thankful God allowed me to have this wonderful young girl in my life.

29th October 2009

How to Get Your H1N1 Vaccine Tips

Quick blog - will post pictures this weekend, maybe, if I remember

We were able to get Melina vaccinated yesterday at the H1N1 vaccine clinic for children  6 months to 4 years.  She did fine, although I think with all the children crowded in, she became a little nervous at seeing one girl behind her become quite animated when she got her shot.  So then she began to cry, and in fact, off and on, was clingy and cried often yesterday evening.  But today, she was just fine, and no issues whatsoever.  No redness, no apparent soreness and no fussiness.  Her top two teeth, however, seem to be bothering her gums, and look red and irritated.  But she’s good otherwise.

So how do you get your H1N1 vaccine?  Here are some tips:

  1.  Research upcoming H1N1 vaccine clinic locations by checking your local news stations, and Google - you do not, as of yet, have to limit your vaccine clinic to your city or county.
  2. Online registration just gets you in the system.  It doesn’t alert you, as it says it will, to upcoming clinics in your area.  Dates are often past, and thus I wouldn’t rely on this, until it improves significantly.
  3. Watch the news the night before, and the morning news to see if there are any announcements regarding the vaccine clinic.  I found 10TV News to be very helpful in its coverage.
  4. News websites are not always up to date with clinic information.  So, check them, but don’t rely on them to be up to date by the minute, hour or day.  Best to team that up with watching the news each day.
  5. Go early, really, go early!  What’s early?  I went at 10 a.m. for a 2 p.m. H1N1 clinic.   I got in line about 11 a.m., after keeping warm in the car.  I was about 50th in line. By the clinic start time, the administrator said no one would be able to come in - too many people had already lined up to get the vaccine.
  6. Pack warm - you may be outside for a long period of time, so be prepared for long hours outside with a baby, or young child.   You’ll need blankets to sit on, possibly, and plenty of food, diapers, and things to keep a crawling, on the go baby occupied and out of trouble.
  7. Watch out for germs from others at these clinics.  Crowds of people, some of whom were quite sick.  I have a rain/winter weather plastic slick for Melina’s stroller- I’ve used it twice now for germ-fighting reasons.  Keep the coughing away from your young baby if needed.  Carry Purell and/or wipes, and try to stay away from others with cough.
  8. Be prepared to need to leave your spot to use the restroom - either by securing it with nice people in line, or by having someone else go with you.  I noticed that some people traded off - they had their husband or wife go early, and then the other came with the child later, closer to the time of the actual vaccine clinic’s start time.
  9. As of yet, you don’t need proof of anything other than if you’re pregnant.  You will fill out paperwork when you’re there, a one-pager.  It’s similar to what you do if you register online, but has more information about allergies to shots.  It’s very similar to the paperwork for a seasonal flu vaccine.
  10. You will need to wait around for 15 minutes once you get the vaccine.

Lastly, I want to give kudos to Columbus City’s Department of Health - and their organization.  Thanks to Ohio Historical Society for their facility usage.  They were organized, very helpful and things ran smoothly at least at the beginning of the clinic.  So, we’re glad we got it, and it was worth our time.  As of yet, no reactions for my little one other than lots of fussiness for several hours.  She’s also teething and cutting two teeth simultaneously, so that could be it as well.

28th October 2009

Take 2: H1N1 Vaccine Clinic

Today is all about trying to get my 11-month old vaccinated.  I’ve had three hours of sleep.  I’m without a nanny/sitter for a week now due to her cough.  I’ve got a ton of work to get done, but Melina comes first today.  I tried to get Melina vaccinated the other day, and within the first 2 hours, they ran out of shots (not vaccines, but needles to what I’ve heard).  We had quite the experience as noted in my blog below.

I’ll be updating how the day goes from my cell phone, which is slightly damaged due to moisture, posting to Twitter on www.twitter.com/bizresearchlmt as my cell phone only posts to that account (as opposed to @laurathieme).

My past few days have been based around coordinating business calls and work without a sitter.  But, considering many of the sitters are not getting vaccinated, and are exposed to Ohio State University environments where many students are sick, it’s not worth the risk to Melina.

I could do everything right with Melina, and there could still be problems or complications.  A client mom & friend of mine had her son vaccinated, and four days later he came down with the swine flu.  Guess there are about 12 days before it’s active or effective.  So, I think I’m in for about three more weeks before things get better, or likely in my opinion get worse.

The really cold season brings about worse flu symptoms based on my non-medical experience.  Hearing more information, doing more research on the vaccine itself, as well as those who are getting sick, and some who are dying, I’m all for the vaccine, despite reading Novartis’ disclaimer about testing on pregnant, nursing and children under the age of 4.  It seems that not enough testing has been done on this age group, which Melina falls into.  I’m still nursing, so I’m concerned.  But based on what I’ve read, from credible sources such as CDC’s website, and Novartis, and then less credible sources such as Facebook friends and Twitter feeds on H1N1 - I’m moving forward with this today, if I can get her the vaccine.

I feel the vaccine risks are outweighed by the risks of serious illness, or even death.

On The Early Show this morning, an informal survey indicated that 91% of 100 pediatricians who were polled say that they would recommend H1N1 vaccine.  Only nine doctors saying they were not ordering the vaccine.  While I don’t know if she was polled in this study, I can attest to that.  My pediatrician is one of those pediatricians not ordering the vaccine, but paperwork was a major reason and the need for a dedicated computer and likely other financial resources.

H1N1 clinics are the only option if your doctor is not participating.  One concern I have: the crowds at these clinics.  If you go to protect your child, and eventually you, from H1N1, the chances increase of being exposed to someone who is possibly already sick.

So, we will leave in an hour, or less than that, for the clinic.  I will make one stop to handle some business matters, and then we’ll camp out.  Tune in to my @bizresearchlmt (Twitter account) if you want to see how things are going.  I’ll also post to my personal Facebook account.

26th October 2009

Some Women Waiting in Long Line for H1N1 Vaccine Show the Worst of Themselves

I have written often on my blog about the sisterhood of mothers.  I’m glad to be a part of these moms, especially those friends of mine who are working moms as they understand the challenges I face.  No disrespect to those women who can stay at home all day with their children, of course.  ;-)

Today was not one of those days, in part, due to the crazy women that I experienced on 23N headed to Delaware, OH for the H1N1 vaccine.  About 2 miles away from the clinic, held at Buckeye Valley School today from 3-8 p.m., there was a long line that formed in the center turn/merge lane.  I immediately got over in what I hoped was the H1N1 line.  After 40 minutes or so, I got out of the line just to make sure that I was truly in the H1N1 vaccine line, to turn onto Coover Road.

I’m not familiar with Delaware, and thus, couldn’t believe that this line could be so bad, so early into the vaccine clinic’s scheduled time (less than an hour after it started).  That was of course a mistake, as I then had to try to get back into the line.

What I observed in the line ahead of me were a number of women trying to get over and merge into the central lane, which I had left a few minutes prior.  But it was like watching walruses locking in to protect their young - no one was getting in and taking their spot for the vaccine.  I could see I was also in trouble.  Women were rolling down their windows and asking to be let in.  I finally did the same thing, and with a state trooper right behind me who did nothing to alleviate or improve the situation, this woman began to aim her car right at my car.  I asked her if she had children in her minivan, to which she said nothing.  I told her that we needed to work together, not fight one another in order to protect our children.  She scoffed at me, and told me that I better watch out and move out of the way, because she’d hit me if she had to.    I was shocked.

Luckily, another trooper put the fear in enough people that I was able to barely squeeze in a few cars ahead, but not because one person allowed me to integrate.  The Columbus Dispatch covers story from this evening

So what was the fuss about?

2,000 vaccines

preregistration encouraged - which had its own share of technical challenges, including printer problems that I still haven’t solved

I was in a community where there had been a H1N1 outbreak, including a 14-year old child that I believe died - although you’d have to check the details on that

Another child died over the weekend, likely due to H1N1, at age 3, in Ohio

Inadequate parking at the high school so the drivers were in a standstill formation on 23N and Coover Road for over an hour

Mothers and fathers were parking on the side of Coover Road, nearly a mile walk with their babies and young children in tow, so they could arrive at the high school before vaccine ran out

Melina and I parked in muddy grassylands, and strolled for nearly a mile over gravel, grass, mud, and less than safe conditions with baby supplies in the event we were there for a long time, only to arrive and be turned away less than a few minutes after we arrived, which was about 2 hours into the clinic

I found mothers and fathers to be very supportive of one another, once outside of their cars.  But get these women behind a sheet of metal, and the false protection of a mini-SUV or minivan, and some of these women really showed their asses today.

For us to set examples for our children, we need to show kindness, leadership, and collaboration.  This is the sisterhood I enjoy, and marvel in wherever I go.  Today was a sad exception.

That woman who did not let me in - likely did not get flu shot for her young children, if she had children under the age of 3.  All three year olds and parents were turned away by 4:45 this afternoon.

I observed a definite state of panic today.  I can only imagine what is to come, when weather dips into the freezing temperatures.  People need to take this seriously, because if today was just a small sign of how some will act when they think they’re not going to get their children vaccinated - what is it going to be like when there are more than 3 children deaths statewide?  I shutter to think.

We were turned away but we will continue to make this a priority in our lives so that Melina is protected against a very harmful virus, that could turn deadly for her, and thus is absolutely not worth risking further.

From an administrative & managerial perspective, I would recommend the following:

1) This site does not keep you up to date on upcoming clinics - you get more from the news - and don’t just watch one channel, flip around and Google it too - it might take you an hour to get accurate information https://h1n1vaccine.odh.ohio.gov/IndividualPodEnrollmentList.aspx

2) The site listed : https://h1n1vaccine.odh.ohio.gov/IndividualPodEnrollmentList.aspx - only lets you register for clinics in your county or city.  Thus, if you want to go to a neighboring town or county, the registration doesn’t work for that scenario.  I picked my bank’s address in Delaware and registered under those details, making a database nightmare, but the H1N1 Ohio Department of Health’s website needs to realize that as long as we’re allowed to go to clinics outside our county or city, the registration should work that way.

3) Currently the site fails to mention the Wednesday clinic that I heard about on Fox28News tonight at 10 p.m.  I’ve checked the site and it says from 2-5 p.m. for Melina’s category.  Nothing on the ODH website.  Perhaps they need a better system?  So don’t depend on the ODH website to give you up to date info.

4) Get there very early.  Make sure your baby has plenty of supplies including warmer clothes for when the sun drops down, in the likely event you are going to be standing for a long time outside.

5) Make this a priority now because when panic sets in, and more people die from H1N1, vaccine clinics are going to be even more of a nightmare.

6) ODH needs a numbering system - if you pre-register and take the time to make this happen, then ODH needs to let us know if more than 2,000 vaccines  are registered.  If there are only 500 shot vaccines, and 1,500 flu mist and my child falls into the category where she can’t get flu mist, then notify me of such so that I don’t stand in a line of people in cars where women were willing to ram their cars into merging vehicles to get their vaccines

7) Twitter alerts - to our cell phones - announce when they run out, and what they run out of, so we can get accurate information and not be subjected to a near-frenzy like affect

8) NBC4 News has a page about upcoming H1N1 vaccine clinics, as well as those that have passed

22nd October 2009

An Email to My Father at 4:45 a.m. Today

It’s not even 5 a.m. - and I’m up and online.  I received an email early this morning from my father about his birthday escape.  I was online to blog about my dog out of frustration, after being up with the baby for an hour, but I think my response to my Dad’s email about his birthday, escaping life, and a reference to Obama and healthcare is a good reference to my mood.  Here is my response. 

Dear Dad,

 

It is not quite 5 a.m.  I’m online so I can blog about how much I hate my dog.

 

Can Lucky attend the 4-day escape and will you throw her overboard?

 

She can not swim.  This is how I know she is not a Labrador retriever as most people erroneously think she is.

 

Nah - I’d feel guilty.

 

I came home from what today, oh the vet, to pick up the two cats who needed shots, and selling an entire year of unwanted baby clothes so I could get $24 in cash from Once Upon a Child, only to find Lucky had eaten an ENTIRE container of expensive, gifted baby oil (about 16 oz) and chewed the container itself, then pooped, then tried to clean it up (by eating it).  This is the day after Lucky tried to eat the $10 container of just purchased Baby Motrin that I desperately need for both teething baby and Mom’s sanity.  My daughter who is getting her two front top teeth could use a little Motrin at 4 a.m. but my dog needed it more.

 

Fast-forward 18 hours - At 4 a.m. this morning, Melina stirred and woke up slightly.  I laid in bed listening to decide whether or not I should go in.  She would have likely gone back to sleep by herself, but the dog who is afraid of me coming in and telling her to get off the bed, decides to jump off the bed (in Melina’s room) and run underneath the bed where she belongs.

 

This woke up Melina really good.

 

Now Melina is back in bed -she’s had her juice - she’s getting her two front teeth- and is congested from all the colds she gets from OSU students/sitters, and teething.  I’m also congested.  No, we do not have H1N1 or so the docs tell me.  I’ve applied the Vapor’s Baby Rub to her and yes, some for Mommy too.  I’ve given her baby saline, which she promptly batted at me, and then calmed down after remembering this actually helps her breathe better.  I’ve refilled the cool mist humidifier because I can’t open her window, because someone stole the screen out of her window and my dog failed to kill the person.

 

Lucky has been admonished to downstairs after going outside and pooping some more baby oil.

 

The 7 week old kitten is downstairs in the bathroom quarantine playing with her toilet cap.  She’s happy and quieting down.

 

Dad - no one could fix the healthcare system in 10 months.  It is not Obama’s fault.  Stop blaming him for it.

 

We know that the idiot in the Republican White House didn’t fix healthcare in 8 years - so don’t expect Obama to do it in less than a year.

 

Okay, enjoy your escape.

 

I’d like to do the same thing, or just shoot my dog.  I think a 4-day escape on the water would probably be more productive however.

 

Love to all copied on this email.

 

Have a wonderful day.

 

Laura

15th October 2009

It’s Difficult to Be Green as a New Mom

When I started this website/blog, it was to focus on environmental awareness and global warming/climate change.  I’ve since travelled to Antarctica so I could see climate change first-hand.  I journeyed with others who were interested in climate change, along with some who just wanted another feather in their cap for having seen all the continents before they died.   I was shocked by what I observed in Antarctica.

I came back and went to see Al Gore a year ago, while pregnant,  on climate change initiatives.  I’ve blogged about many things that were green.  I gasped as I observed coffee-goers at Starbucks and Panera throw out plastic cups.  I learned about electric and hybrid cars.  I’ve participated in some green events.  I had passion for the environment and how to effect change in our future.  And then I had a baby, heh heh.

So,  wonder how much green I have in my life with a baby?

Today (it’s almost over, but this was the first chance I had to blog tonight) was Blog Action Day - Climate Change

To be entirely green with a newborn, I’d nurse all the time instead of twice a day, recycle and wash those super poopy diapers, never use plastic, and if I dared to use plastic, I’d recycle every single time, and of course, I’d try to re-use those glass bottles for something.  But the fact is, within a few weeks of total exhaustion beyond belief that only mothers can understand, you begin to slip as a green mom.  I never envisioned this would be my cupboard.

Baby Plastic Food Containers
My cupboard of baby food, no longer the green extremist

More will be posted to this but to meet the deadline of 11:59 p.m. 11/15/09 Blog Action Day, I’m publishing a half-complete blog.

My cupboard wouldn’t be filled with this type of ingredient at all - tiny single-use plastic containers that are the epitome of wastefulness and consumerism.  But the fact is, as a working mom, business owner, I barely have time to do a load of laundry, much less get all the cleaning done in the kitchen.  I steamed spinach tonight for Melina.  By the time it was ready, Melina was done with her chicken and applesauce and about ready to catapult out of her high-chair.  I have the baby food mill that my dear friend Alicia got for us. I’ve used it lovingly about ten times, if that, in nearly a year.  It’s simply easier and faster to buy those horrible plastic containers.

The first few months I stacked up the plastic recycling until it was overflowing so many places I’d trip over a bag waiting to go to the recycle facility down the road.  I admit, I stopped recycling entirely for a few months after Melina was born, despite the mass quantities of plastic consumption.  But I just couldn’t do it all as a new mom.

Now, I’m back to recycling and have been for a while.  I admit, I still occasionally fudge.  But, I do try to be green.  If I could affect change on a grander level, I’d just get Starbucks and Panera to recycle on site, in every store they have throughout the United States.

In the meantime, this is my recycling, and I’m determined to take it in tomorrow, or maybe Saturday, or maybe I’ll get that done Sunday.  I’m tired, are  you?


My Whole Foods bag of recycling - and way too many plastic containers

14th October 2009

What Else?

Earlier tonight, as I was walking my rescue dog, Lucky, and Melina in the stroller, I thought of a blog entry I needed to make.  It was going to be about my dog - and how I need some help with her.  How much changed in the next couple of hours….

 A lot has happened in the past month.  Melina and I went to NYC, so I could speak at a conference on PPC Conversion Tactics at the SMX show.  It was so incredibly challenging with a baby, driving (to avoid more germs than necessary and H1N1), parking - schlepping all that stuff around… Before I left, however, there was a major water leak from tub to living room ceiling.  We had to vacate the premises immediately while they cleaned the air, checked for mold spores, and pulled moisture out of the air.  Melina and I made things work despite this, we managed to get off to NYC only a couple of hours late, and we survived the trip to Hershey, an apparent ghost in the Homewood Suites hotel room  313 (sorry too tired to tell that insane story), Harlem, Spanish Harlem, Israeliness, walking all over the place, sitter issues, speaking on a new and possibly controversial topic, driving 14 hours back to Columbus, and yes, Melina getting sick (despite all efforts to keep her healthy). 

In the past week, Melina and I have had our share of doctor visits to ensure she doesn’t have or get H1N1.  We discovered a 5-week old kitten in a carwash bay, like I need that - and yes, it’s in my bathroom quarantined until leukemia tests can be run on the kitty.  The dog is driving me nuts.  One of the cats who is indoor/outdoor has decided he wants to be outside more than inside, and has decided to start marking rugs and the like.  I am not letting him outside because I don’t want to pay a vet bill if he gets hurt.  In fact, I think I could easily trade in the dog and maybe even the indoor/outdoor cat for the new kitten. 

Work has been somewhat challenged, but despite trekking to NYC and back, speaking at a conference, and Melina getting sick, I still managed to present on some new business opportunities.  I’ve got some bloodwork tomorrow to get some tests run, and am supposed to be on 12 hour fast.  I’ve got client meetings every day.  I’ve got daycare issues to balance.  So, life is really, really full.

 And then tonight, I come home with Melina, put her to sleep, and think I’m doing really, really good.  I’m ahead of schedule by an hour.  I was motivated by the list of chores ahead of me.  And, then I heard something.  I didn’t like the sound at all.  It was coming from my basement. 

So, when you are home with your baby, and you hear something coming from the basement, it’s amazing the decisions you make in seconds, not minutes.

I was not about to investigate the sound.  It sounded so menacing that I disarmed the security system, grabbed the baby without putting more clothes or jackets on her, put her in the car, and why, I got the dog too, I do not know.  I mean, why not leave the insane dog inside the house to deal with what was downstairs?  But, I got Lucky and Melina into the car, and figured, I’d get the cats out of the house.  And, then I heard the sound continuing to come from downstairs.

It sounded like fire…. cackling, hissing, ugh.  If not fire, it was a person.  Someone had broken into the second floor room in my house, recently, so I was already armed for danger, but this was a new, unnerving feeling.  I grabbed the fire extinguishers, the cell phone, and called out to my neighbors to watch Melina in the car, while I called 9-1-1. 

So what was it?  Is your heart pounding 1/10th of what mine was?  It was a water leak, a major water leak.

So tonight, I am writing without running water, soon, without heat, and with a child and animals to protect.  I always thought I’d grab a few things if I had to evacuate the house.  But, there was really only one priority that I needed to secure and it was my daughter’s safety.  What I noticed, however, is that in the past month there have been two situations that have impacted my feeling of security - and it is disconcerting to see its affect on my child.  Her eyes were pitch black, and clearly concerned.   Despite the insanity of my dog at times, clearly keeping my child safe is my top priority.  I’m thankful for such responsibility.  But there is the saying about Mama Bear - watch out for Mama Bear - and what she will do to protect her cubs….

So, thankful that this was not a fire, but will be more at peace when I know that the water leakage is fixed, and heat is reinstated after water damage is remedied.

6th September 2009

Crawling, Repositioning, Child Wrangling?

Last night I was online updating my LinkedIn contacts and noted a colleague’s description of herself on Twitter.com.  She mentioned amongst many things that she is a “child wrangler”.  I thought that was an interesting reference, and found it particularly relevant as I tried to change Melina’s diaper this morning.  As Melina gets older, diaper changes are more of a challenge.  The changing table works best for me, but is not her favorite place anymore.  I have to be careful as she’s been known to try to fly off the table, legs rolling to either side, sitting up, trying to use it as a backwards dive launch pad, although still unsuccessful in the latter events thankfully.  If I change her on the bed, she tries to roll away, or in some cases tries to sit up or roll off the bed.  The floor, however, presents even more rolling & crawling opportunity for her, and so it’s a continuous struggle to get Melina to lie still while I change that diaper.   The worst?  A very dirty diaper, and a child having a temper tantrum.  Nothing like trying to “wrangle” a poopy child, and I’m not just talking about her diaper either.  :-)

Humorous frustration aside, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday morning.  I am on the floor writing in my blog.  We both had a late breakfast.  She’s working on teething biscuits and occasionally getting food stuck.  I’m pulling her out of the high chair, calmly but swiftly.  She turns around and knocks something off of the counter as she’s in my arms, as I make sure she’s not choking.  The 32 oz juice bottle, $8 a bottle at Kroger, flies off the counter and spills onto the floor.  As it’s going “glug glug glug”, I’m saying to Melina, calmly, don’t worry - just want to make sure you’re okay.” Teething biscuit mesh now cleared from her mouth, juice in, and repositioning her back into the high chair to eat the fresh peach I’ve mashed up for her.  Now it’s clean up time on the floor.  Down on my hands and knees, which seems to be a common position these days as Melina is into everything.

After breakfast, and I bring her into the living room, I enjoy watching her discover many things, including the camera case, which she seems to love.  Anything with a strap on it.  Then there is a momentous jump to a clapping fit.  That’s boring after three seconds, then it’s picking up a toy, then it’s”let’s see how this toy sounds up against the camera case”, and then she’s crawling, towards the dinner table and what - I have to go over and see - she’s out of sight.  She was fascinated by the computer desktop workstation light that’s near the floor. Of course, I’ve just described Melina’s activity time for about two minutes.  You have to watch a child closely at this stage.  I say that, but it doesn’t always get through to some people watching her for an hour or two - who don’t have children.  Really, I mean really, you have to watch her at all times….

The four-legged kids are curled up next to one another.  For them all to be rescue animals, the two cats and dog get along extremely well with one another, and with Melina.  They are peacefully watching the outside activity.  Melina is now watching Baby Einstein’s Baby’s First Sounds.  These are great, regardless of some who think you will rot your child’s brain and increase their blood pressure in front of a TV, for 1/2 hour a day.  I put her in the Exersaucer, another thing that pediatricians have been known to discourage, as she watches the DVD so she’s not a total potato sack while watching TV as this encourages her to stand and put pressure on her feet and legs.

I can not imagine life without Melina.  It would seem like there is little purpose in my day.  There is no more sitting around, ever, and doing nothing.  If I’m not putting something together for Melina, or attending to her, or cleaning up after her, or trying to squeeze in work during the weekend, or late at night (have fulltime daycare for her during week), or cooking or doing laundry, or catching up on the phone with family, or trying to squeeze a 10-15 minute personal call in once a week with one friend, that’s all there is - and there is so much to do that’s not getting done.  I have a friend who says she’s bored all the time.  I’m not sure what to say to that - other than bring yourself down to my house and I’ll keep you busy.   But what would life be if we were not focused on a child?  I don’t want to tell people that are single, or without children, to have a child if they don’t want one - but all I can say is my opinion, life is way better with a child in it.  Narcissism begins to fade - quickly….

I can now understand why working mothers tend to flock together - it’s because we are juggling so much to work and to mother our children.  We need people that understand what we are juggling, especially in this modern society of hyper technology tools.  The multi-tasking mom is extraordinarily useful with her time as far as I can observe.  If you only have six hours to yourself during a work day, and five days a week, to work straight through, I guarantee you will make the most of your time.  Personally, I weigh what I do very carefully, and do not do anything that’s frivolous or a waste of time.  On the rare occasion, I’m coaxed into doing something like this with someone who does not have children, I’m wondering what the heck was I thinking?  When you are single, you can waste time.  When you do not have children, you can waste even more time.  But not so with a child, and not so as a single, working mother.  You just can’t afford to 100% chill, not at this stage of motherhood at least, since that’s all I can testify to.

As my new position of child wrangler, repositioner, tracker, and expert profiler expands as a Mom, and all the tasks that go along with being a working mom, it does not leave much time to do anything that does not serve a purpose or add value to the day.  I am very appreciative of the new moms that write me, who are not doing this single-handed, and whom indicate that their respect has grown for me as a working single mom.   The good news is that we are happy.  We are healthy as far as we know.  We are fulfilled.  Life is fuller, harder, busier, but way better than it was a year ago.  And that’s what amazes me - it’s been a year ago this weekend that April hosted my baby shower.  A year - and it flies faster than ever.  But, I would be lost if I was not a child wrangler at this stage in my life.  I thank you God.

22nd August 2009

9 Months - Wow How Fast It Goes

Melina will be nine months old on Monday.  I’m amazed at how fast time passes.  It was this time last year that friends were coming in for the baby shower.  I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve seen some of these ladies.  But time passes quickly when there is lots of time for baby, and little time for other leisure.  So the update this month, and tonight, is extraordinarily brief.

All I can say is that she is learning to crawl, creeping across the floor in no time at all, getting into things, talking (well, you know her words, not ours), sitting up on her own (again, and again, and again at all hours of the night), and showing a lot of interest in anything.

What others tell me:  she is very alert, very bright, strong motor skills, etc etc.  What do I know?  I have nothing to compare to.

What I do know is that we are very, very, very blessed - so incredibly lucky to have each other.  We are healthy.  We are happy (95% of the time).  We have had a lot of people help us, some expected, some unexpected. 

I’m becoming a bit more cautious about my updates for reasons you surely understand as parents.  But we are doing very well, and have adjusted to what we know thus far. 

I would say out of all moments I treasure most now?  That quiet time we get every so often where we really can just lay beside each other and smile at each other.  I doubt this time will last for long, as she is very much a wiggle worm and on the go all the time.  But it’s a very sweet moment in time, and I’m very thankful for such.

1st August 2009

The Power of Instinct 1 reply

This morning I was going about my morning routine when my neighbor stopped to chat.  He informed me that his wife has a brain tumor.  My mouth dropped open.  My neighbor’s wife has been suffering from something for two years, progressively worsening.  She will have surgery - they will see the doctor Monday - and from there, surgery will take place sooner rather than later.  It’s likely benign, as 90% of brain tumors are according to my neighbors’ information. 

Here’s what amazes me - they’ve known something was up for two years.  In fact, when she took a fall about two years ago down the stairs, they scanned her head for something then.  They didn’t see anything.  Now it is revealed that they missed it.  In fact, the doc pulled out the original scan and compared it to what she has now - and it was there, even then. 

As I’ve written about doctors in relationship to Melina in the last post, many moms who are also clients of mine, told me to trust my instinct.  In fact, a trusted male friend of mine told me how much he has learned to trust his wife’s instincts as it relates to his son.  If something in your gut says something’s wrong, or something’s off-kilter, why is that we filter these things out?

My neighbor’s brain tumor is now the size of a ping pong ball - and has the potential to serve up some serious risks, including 50% chance of stroke.  She’s lived a tough life for the past two years, including slurred speech, cognitive problems, and a progressively worsening unsteady gait.  To think all this time, it was a brain tumor that they quickly ruled out initially. 

Trust your instincts and get a second & yes, third doctor’s opinion when something is bothering you physically.  I have a sister-in-law who persisted on an odd mole or freckle - she’s a smart nurse - mother of four, and thankfully because she persisted after two doctors dismissed as “nothing”, she actually had stage 2 skin cancer (stage 4 is where they tell you to prepare your will).

 At the same time, you also have to trust in positive energy, which feeds a lot of our health, both physical and spiritual.  Which leads me to a really nice sentiment tonight.  I was pondering over a comment made by a colleague about my blog.  I choose to write about things personal, despite having a professional career.  It’s possible that my personal blog could affect other parts of my business in some way.  That said, as one of my female/mother/clients said - stay true to yourself.  I’ve often hoped that my writings would one day be recognized in some way - as it relates to my daughter - again, a personal instinct - non-medical but just a “feeling”.

I wanted to write about how I felt tonight, and I opened up my email, something which I typically avoid on Saturdays as I need “one” day to be offline (off work).  I received one of the best emails I think I’ve received in a very, very long time from an entity that will remain nameless until I’m given permission to mention them.  But basically, they’ve compiled a fascinating piece of work about bloggers along a particular historical timeline.  They’ve asked if I could be mentioned in this piece of work, and they attached an excerpt from this blog. 

What they chose to excerpt brought tears to my eyes as a blogger, as a Mom, and as professional working woman.  I’ll hold off on referencing it until I hear more details from them on what’s allowed to be said in regards to this piece of work.  I thought it was ironic, considering that on one hand, I might be questioned as to what I write on my blog.  I’ve always loved writing, and in fact, owe it to a former boyfriend who told me I needed a hobby.  I was 100% workaholic at the time.  If there were two things that I could do, and money was no object, it would be writing and photography, somehow intertwining the two. 

This evening I recalled my morning and the news of my neighbor.  I thought it was nicely ironic that I had chosen to photograph that one wild sunflower peaking in my front garden.  When I heard about her brain tumor, there was no other place that the sunflower belonged, other than in a colorful spring vase of cut flowers for her in her house.  I delighted in being able to take something from my garden and pass it on to her, if something so simple as a bright sunflower and some orange mums that were beginning to bloom.  I had the pleasure of seeing goldfinch birds feed off of that sunflower as the vase sat on her front porch for a portion of the day.  I was glad I had photographed this one wild sunflower, which has never grown there before, and was not intentionally planted, so that another person who needed it more now, could enjoy it.

So tonight, as I talk about a mother’s and a woman’s instinct - it’s only fitting that someone, somewhere has captured what I’ve shared before on my blog and wishes to publish those comments - and I’m so happy to say - it’s in reference to my daughter and the power of emotion. 

28th July 2009

Did My Pediatrician Just Fire Me?

Melina Vocalization
Melina this past Sunday at Patricia’s House

The past three weeks have been frustrating.  While I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Melina had experienced some issues - and that I wasn’t happy with the pediatrician’s solution, I was further bothered by a phone call with the nurse last week.  A nurse made a comment about “I don’t want to discredit you because you are a first-time Mom, but I don’t think that cry that you heard is because ….” I became pretty annoyed with this statement.  I’ve heard a lot of Moms say, doctors will discredit you because you are a first-time Mom, but I’ve always been happy with my pediatrician’s office - in fact I really like my pediatrician and her staff.  But this particular nurse’s comments - it bothered me -enough for me to tell her that, and to “politely” end the call. 

I had scheduled a consult with an integrated care pediatrician to learn more about baby massage and if needed, baby chiropractics.  Melina was suffering from a minor medical issue - on a scale of 1 to 10, I rate this a 1 (meaning minor). 

 I’ve seen extreme benefits over my adult life from integrated care, and strongly believe in alternative medicine in addition to traditional medicine.  Whether it’s shiatsu (my favorite), massage, chiropractics, eating healthy (yes, alternative for some), or just good ole positive mindset and outlook, I’m a big believer in trying things other than drugs.   I believe that in some cases drugs create more problems.  Of course, if antibiotics are needed, I’m okay with them, but if we can alter our lifestyle instead of taking a drug, I’m in favor of learning more. 

I’ve put my animals through integrated care and believe in many cases it has saved their lives, or significantly extended their lives.  So, when I learned through my integrated pet care specialist, Dr. Donn Griffith and his son, Bryan Griffith, about Dr. Sant (Whole Kids Pediatrics) - I was curious to see what Dr. Sant could offer Melina and I.  But due to my overall happiness at current pediatrician’s practice (name withheld), I saw no reason to see Dr. Sant. 

Until Melina started having problems three weeks ago.  I didn’t care for the solutions that my current pediatrician was endorsing.  I knew it was minor stuff to them and in the big picture to Melina and I.  But seeing my child cry going to the bathroom, and after going to the bathroom, was doing me in.  In fact, it seemed as if she was sobbing after using the bathroom.  This worried me - and thus the call to the doctor/nurse.  Thus the answer of the nurse above -and thus, a call ensued with the doctor.

My ped doctor was very calm, kind, and patient.  She heard me out.  I like her very much.  But the doctor indicated that the nurse had apparently cried after my call with her two days previous - which I was somewhat questioning but hey, we all have our emotions and they are to be respected - and the doctor began to suggest that perhaps their pediatric practice was not a good fit for me.  Huh?  Did my pediatrician just break up with me?

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  So I might wonder if the practice stuck me with the new doc (new to the practice) because I’m a first-time Mom (although I ended up preferring her way over any other ped there), and the first time I have an issue with a nurse, is my pediatrician really suggesting I go elsewhere? 

Perhaps it’s because I wanted modified vaccine schedules so that Melina was getting no more than two shots at a time.  Perhaps it’s because I had called three times about my kid in the context of her pooping.  Perhaps it’s because I wanted to make sure this had nothing to do with sacral dimple, and the two ultrasounds she’d had.  Perhaps it’s because when someone mentions the possibility of tethered cord at one ultrasound, you don’t look upon that lightly.  You’d be an idiot if you did, and something happened later down the road.

I didn’t like the solution they were proposing for Melina (laxatives - albeit mild they said), and asked for other suggestions.  I’m annoyed about their suggestion I go elsewhere and that if I was going to see Dr. Sant, that I go there definitively - well, indicating that “I like Dr. S - and I’d have my own kids go there - blah blah blah.”  I’m shocked from a professional perspective - I am often approached by people new to search marketing.  I have to spend more time with them, and at times might admit, it’s hard to deal with.  When they suggest they are going to talk to another practitioner, I half fall off my chair pushing them in that direction.  I absolutely encourage 2nd and 3rd opinions.  More educated customers are better customers.  But I don’t typically tell them another place is better, unless of course the customer has no money…..

But to suggest I go elsewhere annoyed me.  I could be kinda flippant and say, “Holy Shit - did my ped just break up with me?”  Funny in a way.

So, here’s the good news - I am not convinced that I have to switch docs because of one thing.  But, since pediatricians seem to prefer that you switch due to care, protocol, okay maybe.  I took Melina to Dr. Sant on Friday.  She suggested spinach & kale, steamed, to be worked into Melina’s diet.  She showed me how to massage Melina’s tummy with some olive oil (yes, nothing expensive, just simple as your kitchen cabinet stock).  She suggested Probiotics because Melina was born under c-section and was exposed to antiobiotics.  She suggested Benefiber. 

Melina started going just fine on Saturday.  After a delightful lunch with a good friend, Patricia Bright (see picture below), Melina is on the go and enjoying life.  Patricia is one of those integrated care specialists that I began to go to years ago, after a doctor prescribed medicine that negatively affected me.  I started going to Patricia and things that no doctor could fix were fixed by Patricia.  She’s since moved onto mindfulness meditation for job seekers.  And she is always a warm gentle spirit for my child. 

As Patricia says on her blog entry dated the 29th of July -
“Beginner’s Mind:  with fresh eyes and an open attitude you can begin anything.”

Melina beginning to crawl - getting antsy about staying in one position for long

16th July 2009

Crying, Letting Go & Knowing This is My Everything

I’ve been through a lot of difficult things in my life.  As an adult woman, the last 21 years have not been easy.  But as a mother, as a working mom running a technology business in a really tough economy, I’ve found life to be extremely challenging.  At the time, when I’m needed the most on the personal front, as a mother, I’ve never done so much for so little on the professional side.  I’ve always bent over backwards to serve my clients on so many levels.  I never charge for all my hours.  It’s actually a professional weakness of mine as a consultant.  Right now, I’m stretched very thin professionally somewhat due to how little I charge due in part to a bad economy, despite 12 years of experience, and despite what I produce on a daily basis. 

I consider myself a very, very strong, resilient person - and every SINGLE thing I’ve been through in my life - prepares me for the next stage.  So, I rarely regret anything that’s happened, knowing that it makes me stronger.  I also never question God as to why I’m at this stage in my life.  Unfortunately, I do not remember to take a step back enough and say thank you for all I have.

So, right now, I’m launching a technology product, which requires me to be work harder as a business owner.  I work on average 6-8 hours during the day, and at night, another 3-5 hours, often taking me into the wee hours of the morning.  I’m trying to change my business model from consultant to product.  I see huge favorable feedback on the product side.  It gives me strength to keep plugging along.  And I see new sales coming in, and in fact have almost doubled monthly sales back to where they used to be, before baby, before tough economy hit.  But due to economy, due to teaching, and due to becoming a mother, life is honestly just a little harder, right?  There are SO many places and people that are waiting on that check… For most of us, life is harder right now.  Many of us are having to do more with less.  So I know you understand what I’m saying … and everything that goes into it’s “just harder right now.”

You can imagine, for those who know me well, what I’m really saying.  But we all need a release of some kind on some level.  For women - we’re supposed to cry.  God gave us estrogen for a reason, right?  But, I’ve not been able to cry - really cry, and let it go, but once, since November 24, 2008.  I cried on Christmas Eve after a phone call from a family member.  I cried hard too.  The kind that makes you feel so much better after you cry, let go, and let it all out.  There are days - when things are so tough on so many levels professionally and personally, that honestly I would love to just really break down, cry and let go - just relax and let it all out.  But I do not have that luxury - I have to be in control, focus, and make smart decisions.

Now, enter baby.  Enter mommy status.  About two weeks ago, Melina had some changes on her end.  All of a sudden, she’s not sleeping well during the day, or night, and it’s affecting her internally.  She’s crying more each night - and the cry is different and I think I know what it is, but am not sure.  I call the doctor, and go in last week, on Friday.  I was concerned about something going on, including what I expect is teething.  The doctors dismiss everything pretty much, suggest some ointment for a wierd rash on her back, and tell me not to worry about the other stuff.  But this “other stuff” was gnawing at me. 

Come Monday, Melina had not improved.  I could tell that her discomfort was growing by the day.  I called the doctor after hours, but felt that Melina’s situation was not “seriously ill”, and called first thing Tuesday morning.  I was prepared to drop everything - no matter the schedule, meetings, presentations - everything - at a moment’s notice - I’d change the whole schedule for M.  But they said, if her situation does not change within 24 hours, call them and they would see her.  The nurse actually picked up on it most - I told her about Melina’s cries at night and how they were different right now.  She was concerned but the doc said come in first thing Wednesday morning if her situation had not changed.

Wednesday morning - it hadn’t.  I took her in - knowing I had a presentation to an ad agency on the product at 11:30.  I had a colleague coming into town, to attend another presentation I was giving on the product to 30+ industry colleagues Wednesday night.  I took Melina in and they began to do an exam on her.  What I had feared about her was true.  Melina was impacted.  And right there on the table, they pulled it out of her as she screamed so hard, cried so hard - screamed, braced from pain - that her nostrils turned yellow. 

Because I had to keep plugging along - while I began to break down, lose it, with her in my arms, I no more than teared up, and got the instructions I needed.  But what had just happened to Melina, and how I felt about this growing situation for the past two weeks, and my calls/visits to the doctor - all I can say is tonight, at 3:00 a.m., I woke up, began to think about what had happened to Melina, and I began to cry, really cry, and hard.  I could hear her in the other room.  While the doctor had said she was going to be sore after what had happened, I listened to what seemed to be growing discomfort in her sleep.  So I went to her, despite what my doc might say or any parent might say about letting a child cry it out at night.

As I changed Melina and heard her cry from the pain she had suffered for the past weeks, and then most excruciatingly on Wednesday at the doctor’s office - I tried to make her feel better.  I nursed her, held her, rubbed her, and listened to The River on the radio.  I began to cry again, quietly, with her in my arms.  I asked God to help me, please, take good care of her.  I begged Him to help me the right decisions by her, to keep her from ever suffering because I didn’t listen to my intuition.  As I continued to silently cry, with her sleeping away in my arms, attached to my breast, I listened to the music.  The song was “This is My Everything”.  And that was it - that was exactly how I was feeling - this is my everything.  What I was holding in my arms, what I sought to protect, comfort, love - this was Melina.  She is my everything. 

I challenged my decisions with her for the past two weeks and the doctors.  I determined I needed to do things differently for her care and well-being.  I would look into some integrated medicine in the next couple of days, and I prayed above all else, to please, God, let me do right by her.  Don’t let me make the wrong decisions.  Please help me to always provide the best possible solution, and listen to my gut about what was right for her.  I thanked Him for bringing me Melina in my life.  But I finally let go to the struggle of how hard this is, if only for 45 minutes, as I held and loved her. 

I know this blog is a ramble.  Sorry for that.  But I needed just to get some of this out of my head as it’s been swirling about for a while, and today was the pinnacle of feeling helpless as a Mom.  I know there’s more ahead.  I don’t what’s ahead, but I know it doesn’t get easier.  Seeing your daughter scream at the top of her lungs, in pain, is the worst.  It can shake you to your core.  Well, for me, it can.  I can do many things in life that some only dream about - but this, being a Mom, is genuinely the hardest thing I’ve ever loved doing or being.  And  while tonight, I enabled myself to cry quietly, and just let go, I thanked God for putting Melina in my arms, in my care, and in my complete aura of everything I do - she is why I exist - I was meant to be a Mom - and I thanked God for making it possible.  I just prayed tonight for help on the level of making the best decisions for her and her personal care. 

As I put her back in her crib, and she stretched out in comfort, and curled up in her little fetus position and went back to sleep - I felt relief in knowing I could provide love and care for this little child. 

Postscript:  It’s 4:51 a.m.  I’m still teary eyed and sniffling as I read my work emails tonight and get caught up on everything that had happened since 3:45 p.m. today when I signed offline.  There were two emails today that meant a lot to me.  One was from an existing service client.  Another from a product client.  Both were part of my work from Wednesday, part of projects due, etc.  Both are moms.  Neither knew what had happened to Melina today, they just knew that something was going on - and both wrote me a note about it.  Both emails were so very kind - on both a professional and a personal level.  That’s one thing I didn’t expect being a mom - I didn’t expect to get to know my female clients on this personal level because I’m a mom.  For those of you who read my blog who are moms, working moms, and for that matter, working fathers - I just want you to know how *much* it means to me that you have sincere compassion for my daughter and I - and that you take the time to reach out.  Thank you - it means a lot. 

12th July 2009

A Trip to the Mall - With the Baby & Without A Cell Phone

Today, I felt the need to get out for a few hours.  Laundry, work, taking care of Melina, staring at my dog and cats - it was all getting to be a bit much.  I felt the need to get Melina out and about.  Honestly, even if it wasn’t for Melina, I wanted to get out for some fresh air. 

Melina and I headed for a stroll at Easton Mall today.  I wasn’t sure where my cell phone was, and I decided we’d venture out without a phone as an attachment.  How often do you venture out without a cell phone?  I know you might say, but what if something happens?  Well, as you’ll see from the entry below, if something does happen at a Mall - you’ll have more people than ever taking pictures, video and making calls, texting, Twittering - you name it - because people are “MARRIED” to their cell phones.

I was relieved to be without it personally, for an afternoon.  When you venture out without a cell phone, you take everything around you in, you breathe, you notice things you’ve not managed to notice in a while.  Like the fact that way too many people are on their cell phones, at a mall.  The mall itself used to be the entertainment.  Now, you see people parked outside stores, leaning up against the walls, with their heads down, noses pointed at their cell phones.  Their texting - very few people are actually talking to anyone.  I noticed fathers - with their children - no wives, no mothers in sight.  And the fathers?  What were the single for the day fathers doing?  Talking on their cell phones and texting, while the child was nearby, complaining, begging for attention.  I did not notice one mother with her child, on a cell phone, talking or texting.

How often do we venture out without a cell phone?  Take a drive without talking on the phone? Take a few hours to just focus on your child, your baby? 

So here’s what I got to enjoy today, because I was focused on Melina and nothing else:

1) Lots of babies everywhere, stollers, and people out for a Sunday afternoon walk

2) Singletons - were hanging out, texting or talking on their cell phones

3) Few people seemed to be buying all that much - it was more “shopping” than buying

4) Prices were the same, it seemed.  Don’t retailers know we’re in a deep recession and our disposable income no longer exists?

5) I had a psychic moment - thought of someone I hadn’t seen in a while and wondered if we’d hug or debate if we ever ran into each other - and minutes later, I found myself at Macy’s Starbucks.  I ran into a friend here that I had not seen in likely two years?  It was great to see her - we hugged - she met Melina and it was so very good to exchange a few kind words.  I had no idea she worked there.

6) I stopped to enjoy a sandwich at Panera - and watched Melina kick and get very excited about a bottle of formula.  She giggled, cackled, and delighted in Mommy’s 100% attention on her. 

Cash outlay - some gas, an iced coffee, and a frontega chicken sandwich - probably $15 total. 

Uninterrupted time with my daughter with my 100% attention on her, and seeing her 100% happiness = priceless

11th July 2009

BPA in Plastics - Dangerous For Baby But Not For You?

If I didn’t have a baby, I wouldn’t have known about the risk of BPA in plastic.  I noticed that Medela bottles, and all of its breastfeeding supplies were BPA free.  Everything breastfeeding-related that the baby would come in contact with, or I would and then in turn, give to her, was BPA-free.  I didn’t know much about BPA, and wondered why other baby bottles weren’t BPA-free. 

Within weeks to possibly two months, I noticed more products were becoming BPA-free.  For example, Playtex bottles were BPA free but not the liners that you’d put in the nursers.  Well, that didn’t make sense, did it?  But sure enough, within a few more weeks, Playtex drop-in liners were also BPA free. 

BPA Free Nurser Bottles - but not the liners
BPA free nurser, but not the liners
Liners purchased late 2008

BPA-Free Drop in Liners from Playtex
BPA free drop-in Playtex bottle nurser liners
Purchased February-March 2009

So then I began to wonder about the plastic formula bottles, containers, baby food, pacifiers, teethers.  Why weren’t they BPA free?

And what about all the plastics we have in our lives?  Water bottles are just the beginning.  When you go to the grocery store - any food or drink item of ANY kind that is in a plastic container  - is it BPA free?  Does it say its BPA free? It’s become a bit of a marketing phenom - if a baby product is BPA free, moms are buying it, and thus it’s clearly labelled like you see the box above.

I’m not an expert on BPA, but check out TreeHugger’s site on what they say about BPA in plastics, water bottles, etc.

TreeHugger’s article on plastic water bottles, specifically sports water bottles

An excerpt from TreeHugger.com’s article linked above

7 Ways to beat BPA, in order of Importance:

1. Ditch the clear plastic baby bottles, right now. All the research that says there are problems point at the effect of the estrogen-like BPA on children as being the most significant.
2. Tin cans are often lined in plastic BPA and sit around a long time; get rid of older tin cans, particularly if they contain tomatoes and other acidic fruits.
3. Don’t use your polycarbonate bottle for hot drinks.
4. Polycarbonate bottles get crazed and cracked as they get older; that increases surface area. Get rid of old ones.
5. Replace your Polycarbonate bottle with a Sigg, Kleen Kanteen, or the new BPA free Camelbak, particularly if pregnant or pre-pubescent.
6. Replace jugs where water sits around a long time, like Brita knockoffs. (Brita says they are BPA free)
7. Stop using jugged water cooler water, get a filter and cooler that uses city water. It is a big jug so there probably isn’t much of a problem, but why are you drinking bottled water anyways?

Don’t worry about polycarbonates in non-food related products like CDs and DVDs. but keep them out of babies’ mouths. (TreeHugger.com).

So, as of today, I noticed that teethers, pacifiers and more plastic products in the baby aisle at Kroger are BPA-free.

I also noticed that a baby drink product, called FirstJuice, was in BPA-free plastic. 

What about bottled water that you drink, foods contained in plastic - is it BPA free? 

Even of more interest is to see the viral video that’s a hit on the Web - from Evian Bottled Water.  They used over 70 babies to film their new viral hit. 

Here’s my question - did the producers realize that Evian plastic water bottles contain BPA and there is particular concern about its affect on children and infants?  Will Evian, who has been associated with “pure” water as a brandname, be the first water bottle manufacturer to become BPA free?  Their slogan, Live Young, is particularly ironic considering we may link this to breast cancer and thus, they might die young.  Sound extreme?  How many women do you know with breast cancer, or who have had breast cancer?

BPA is known to have estrogen-like affects - from what I’m reading - concerns about babies, children, possibilities of breast cancer in women, and other problems.

 So, don’t take the risk.  Don’t take the FDA word on it - that plastic is fine.  If there is enough research to cause baby product manufacturers to phase out BPA in plastics, shouldn’t you do the same?  Don’t buy products with BPA in it - or that don’t say BPA-free.

Isn’t what we put into this little mouth important?  As important as she is, what you put into your mouth matters just as much.

Taking Care of Baby
Melina in 2009

Do it for your health and hers too.

Postscript:

Links regarding BPA in water bottles and other plastics products, including baby products

Marshall Democrat - News - re Water Bottles & BPA
Katie Couric on Bottled Water vs Tap Water

Babies & BPA

Sorry, comments are closed due to amount of spam, and despite AKISMET spam key in Wordpress - still getting several a day to moderate -

25th June 2009

360’s On the Floor, and Squeals of Delight

Melina is now 7 months old.  When you pass the six month mark, and it’s already 7 months, you see the 1-year mark coming up fast.  There are so many great milestones that she is passing:

  1. Full 360 degree roll-overs on the floor.  The other day, she started out under the activity gym, and soon had rolled over all the way to the Pier 1 rattan chair - and was playing with the bottom of the chair - fascinated by it.
  2. At that point, I realized two childproofing tasks needed to take place immediately - the chair is not far from the top of the stairs….
  3. Last couple of days, she’s experienced absolute squeals - total squeals of delight - and to my dismay - when she got frustrated today about feeding - squealed almost same way - buggers!  I’m in trouble…. my sweet, calm, Melina - I think I like the gutteral sounds of frustration far more than the squeals of frustration.  I can see temper-tantrums not so far away.  She already stomps her legs and cries when having to go to sleep at night.  I’m giggling as I write this.
  4. Eating solids- -loves peas, loves them!  Not so sure about the tart taste of pears and apples.  Bananas - not a good idea if I don’t want super sticky you know what on her butt….
  5. Sitting up in the baby bathtub, splashing around, curious about everything - fascinated with simple things
  6. Reaching to get whatever she wants, where ever she is
  7. Fascination with things I knowingly will regret later - my cell phone - sorry if she calls you - babbles into your ear - or SQUEALS  into your ear - she’s fascinated by the sound that comes out of the cell phone.  I think she might recognize PaPa’s voice now on the cell phone.  The remote control, my computer - those are the main things she’s fascinated with.  I’ve been advised by wiser parents not to let her do this - but how do you limit an exploring mind at this age?
  8. Bouncing on my hip, my stomach which is slowly dwindling back to its normal state, my leg, a pillow, whatever she can bounce on.
  9. Rolling over and sleeping on her tummy - and scaring the crap out of me when I walked into the room today, seeing her sleep head down, on her chubby little hand, and wondering how the hell is she breathing, is she breathing?  I woke her up, completely, pulled her out of the pack and play and making sure she was completely awake.  She was NOT happy about this.  Seeing her tonight and making her roll back over to her back - seeing her not turn her head to her side - wondering how she’s going to sleep, ACTUALLY going into my room and doing the same thing - to see if I could breathe well like that - deciding I could NOT sleep well that way - and then going back into her room and putting her on her side, and eventually on her back.  Paranoia is good sometimes - who knows what it’ll save her from…..
  10. Fitting into 9 month and 12 month outfits already - and enjoying her weight right now - it feels good to hold her - not so fragile and yet so fragile, you know?
  11. Experiencing the joy of your baby hugging you back, reaching for you, hiding her head in your shoulders - clutching onto you - for the first few times.  I know this will lead to the separation anxiety stage according to the development guides I’ve received from some good friends of mine, as well as all the reading I do online at babycenter.com.
  12. My own milestone of going to work without her on a given day, because I’ve found someone I trust and like a lot to watch her.
  13. Life is good with her.  Work and making ends meet is hard right now - but I know that things will get better and are already beginning to improve.  I see light at the end of the tunnel.  And, I want her to be proud of her mommy when she’s old enough to wonder about her beginnings.

28th May 2009

Signs You Are a Mother!

True signs you are a mother (as experienced recently by a new mom, updated throughout the first year of raising baby):

These are just a few of the cold hard facts of what it’s like to be a mother - glamour and all - and I’m so glad, so thankful to be in this new group of women - who are mothers.

20th May 2009

Wow - Almost Six Months Old - Just a few days away 1 reply

I can not believe it’s nearing the end of May.  As the 24th approaches, I see another milestone approach and pass for Melina.  As I hold her while breastfeeding in the glider/rocking chair, I’m amazed at how much she stretches across the chair now.  I think of when I took pictures of Susan, a friend of mine, holding her in the first week of December.  Melina was so very tiny at around 6 lbs those first three weeks. 

We are now approaching six months.  As some say, it gets harder as you go along, I’d say it’s all about how you look at it.  While some things are harder, in terms of the day-to-day, I’m enjoying this phase with Melina so very much.  She is such a happy baby.  People come up, and peek and yes, even, gawk, at Melina.  Everyone seems to love her hair and equate it to a “mohawk”.  :-)  I can always tell when a babysitter has enjoyed her hair - she comes home looking a little oilier around the forehead than usual.  :-)  What I supposed I’m enjoying most - well, it’s too hard to narrow it down to just one thing, so here’s my list:

I am so very thankful and yet not thankful enough in many ways.  Today I talked to a former client who was reconnecting for some possible work.  We had both worked together, along with another woman, on search engine marketing projects with her former employer several years ago.  They had been a client for several years.  Both colleagues had gone onto work for other companies.  I had lunch with one of them four or so years ago.  She told me she had cancer, which was not treatable in the traditional way.  She was hoping for alternative treatment.  I learned today that she died March 7, 2009.  My client shared that her attitude, her treatment, and her circle of friends had helped her live longer than expected.  I was sorry I had not been able to connect with Jennifer in the past four years.  I had called a few times but never received a call back and had wondered if she was okay.  Now I knew she was not.  Nancy said that they knew by the holidays Jennifer would not make it much further.  Jennifer was a really good person.  Nice, sweet, and way too young.   She was only 42.

I am thankful, very, very thankful that I have Melina in my life, and that as far as we know, we are healthy.  I continue to get my head checked along with the rest of my body, but the doctors tell me my brain is normal - despite what most of you already know about me, that I’m far from “normal”, but what is normal?

Normal to me, was having a child, a family.  And so now with Melina in my life, six months and counting, we are just two normal girls, learning and growing from one another, and happy about it most of the time.

I can tell you right now, she’s not so happy with me, because I just put her back in her crib.  I’m usually not so happy with her when I’m exhausted and need sleep.  But then she’ll give me a night where I sleep for hours, and then, the outlook on life is so much better after getting more than four hours of sleep. 

But we are good - real good - and happy.  And, for that, we are thankful to God and to so many of you who have made it so special to have a baby girl.

15th May 2009

Mother’s Day Weekend - The Life of Single Mom is Not Bad 1 reply

Somedays I forget to breathe.  Other days, I’m doing so much, so fast, I’m half-laughing at the insanity of it all.  Last weekend, I had the best Mother’s Day Weekend.  Perhaps because it was my first mother’s day - perhaps because I trekked to Maryland and Washington, DC to spend the first Mother’s Day with my Mom and Melina.  I stayed with a former client who has become a friend/colleague Friday night in Cumberland.  Saturday, I travelled to see Susan who had come all the way out here when Melina was born.  It was the first time I met her children.  From there, I went on to Cousin Tina’s house where their rottweiler and son’s german shepherd met us.  I had dinner with Tina’s family and caught up with them, after 15 years.  I couldn’t believe that much time had passed since we last were together. 

It’s wierd.  In some ways, having a baby makes time go by so much faster.  Yet, in other ways, you slow down more to savor the tiniest moments in your personal history.  You want to make the most idiotic moment - in  a funny way - last forever.  The first rollover, the first reactionary smile, the first word, the first applesauce OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? moment, the first time she reaches for herself in the mirror and you realize you haven’t buckled her in the car seat moment, the first time she sneezes BOOGIES on your arm, yes, actual boogies, the first trip together, the first  … amazing series of “moments”.   This is what is so exciting about being a mom, perhaps just a first-time mom, but the glory of being a mom is wonderful at the age of 40.  I’m thrilled that I’m taking the time to slow down and notice all of these things.

Ironically, I have less sleep in my body than I’ve ever had in my life.  College life and partying - in my 20’s - I still had time to catch up.  I never went this far, for this long, without sleeping more than 6 hours in one stretch, or the norm of 4 hours in one stretch.  Any man who wants to challenge me on “I’ve been there, done that” - just give me five minutes.  I can obliterate that in a heartbeat, unless of course, you’re a single parent with 100% custody and no live-in nanny.

There are a lot of benefits to being a single parent.  I don’t have to argue with anyone about how I’m doing this.  Not having help means not having to disagree on every single little thing you do.  It’s rare that I find a person who is happy with their mate at all times, and on top of it, agrees with them about every little bit of child-rearing.  Many of my friends have admitted privately that doing it single, raising child on your own, isn’t such a bad idea.  It sounds hard as hell, but you don’t have to put up with the time of having a relationship.  Sometimes I’ve dated a few men that have been nearly as needy as my kid.  Although I’m thankful I never had to wipe their a**es. 

So, celebrating the first mother’s day was time spent with friends and family several hours away from home.  It could not have been a better day.  I am thankful for the time to share with Melina, and for bringing me closer to family members. 

It’s 1:14 - and I’ve got a Powerpoint I just uploaded to LinkedIn.  I’ve erroneously somehow deleted something I had created tonight and fixed part of it, I think.  I’ve watched Grey’s season finale (which was quite good).  I’ve breastfed, fed applesauce, walked her twice around the block, talked to neighbors, talked to a colleague of mine who is preparing landing pages for Bizwatch, had a 2 hour client consult, a 2 hour email marketing review, and a couple of calls with my contractor at the office.

What I did not make time to do today?

Upload pictures to Flickr, transfer video of Melina to my computer, and integrate with this blog - but another time, right?

7th May 2009

My First Mother’s Day

I received my first Mother’s Day card today from a neighbor who has been extremely supportive of my fertility journey - and is enjoying Melina’s first year with me.  I’m very excited about this Mother’s Day - I could only hope this time last year that I would get to see such a day and experience it as a “Mother”.

I have such an amazing new understanding, respect, empathy and affection for Moms now that I’m lucky enough to have my own child.  The amount of work that goes into a day as a working Mom, much less a single working Mom with newborn, is utterly amazing.  In fact, it’s exhausting.  It’s not so much taking care of baby that’s exhausting - it’s the work we do to keep up the house, the laundry, the kitchen, and everything else that goes into “running a household”.

I’m looking forward to Sunday, my first Mother’s Day, for a variety of reasons.  The only thing I might fantasize about - could I just sleep for 24 hours straight?  That would be my desired gift as if I could get such a gift - sleep, no laundry, no cleaning.  Sounds good, doesn’t it?  I could just hold my baby and listen to music like I did for two minutes today.  We could just hang out - that would be a perfect day - you know, without all the work, right?

Here’s a recap - just the highlights of the last couple of days - the insanity at times of my days….

Despite being a business owner and working mom, single working mom at that, I try to fit in a stroller walk around the neighborhood with the dog, sometimes even the cat, and Melina.  The other day, while giving the rescue cat Bentley his walk, with Lucky the dog, and M in her stroller, some family stopped me on the main street of our neighborhood.  The man rolled down his window and asked, “That IS a CAT, right????”  Meanwhile, the little Asian kid and Mom stared at me in awe from the back seat of the car.  Yes, it is a cat, I responded, referencing Bentley.  I quickly explained that I didn’t make him this way, I INHERITED him this way (see previous blogs and pics)

Back to the house with dog-like cat who thinks he owns the road, actual dog, and Melina playing with her hands and realizing she could pull a cloth apart - very exciting motion to observe for her.  I watch her as she suddenly stares at her right hand, and watches it move in different ways, back and forth, back and forth.  Despite the dog walks, my dog Lucky continues to drive me nuts.  While I walk her in the evenings, it’s not easy to do this before I head to work.  She’s a very high energy dog, but of course, when I want her to pee on command, or poop on command, that simply does not happen.  I tell her that she has 2 minutes to poop - that I’m going to workout before I go to work  - and I’m going to be late - and tell her to hurry up.  She stares back at me, looking like I’m about to beat her.  Her head droops, her eyes look somber - and yet, I don’t feel guilty, I just get mad.  I remember when Cody (my chow of 12 years who died last year) used to be this way - and how I felt guilty when she died that I was impatient with her at times.  That wisdom however does not stick with me at the moment I wish my dog would “hurry up and go to the bathroom”.  I tell Lucky as I pull her inside with her leash - and tell her to “go lie down” and “don’t you dare poop or pee in this house while I’m gone” and hope I’ve instilled the fear of God in her so she won’t misbehave. 

Off I go to workout with my trainer, to lose the 24 lbs I still have post-baby gain.  I take baby with me - and hope she cooperates.  In general, she’s great.  She falls asleep but before doing so, fusses, so I ask trainer if I can do lunges around gym, and push stroller, in order to please baby but also please trainer.  Honestly, I could care less.  I just going through the motions.  I find myself so exhausted during the workout.  I’ve been up four times the night previous with Melina because she’s beginning to “roll over” and was getting stuck, crying, and needing help and consolation.  I’m so exhausted my trainer is irritated with me - my male trainer - who told me that his girlfriend with child had to sleep in other room - ’cause he needed his sleep if he was going to work…. I tell him to cut me some slack and gulp down the Powerade hoping for an energy boost.  I try psyching myself out that I’m not so tired - but I can feel the workout is taking any last bit of energy I had faked myself to think existed.

I come back from trainer, walking with stroller and baby.  I’ve lost my garage door opener, as yet another sign that only new moms, or working moms can understand.  I’m forced to go through front doo [keeping typo as this is only fitting - read on] where baby bird nest is.  I gently open the front door, let the dog out, bring her back inside, walk thru the garage, outside - and back in the front door again, this time with baby out of stroller.  What I haven’t noticed is - the dog poop - on the front door rug.  I’ve not only missed it with my eyes, but I’ve stepped in it, unawares, and have tracked it for a good while.  I’m now infuriated with the dog.  I make sure baby is okay, tell dog to run away for good, and put her outside on the leash.  I yell some more at the dog and hope the neighbors hear me.  Does this sound like anything you’ve ever done?  In fact, I encourage her to run away, in fact ask her, beg her - please run away.   In the event anyone thinks I’m abusing the dog - I’m ready to tell them what a bad dog she is.  I am ready with my “story”.

I go back inside and begin the cleanup job.  I think about my baby girl and am glad she is not crawling yet.  I make sure the cats don’t run through it.  I clean, and clean and clean.  I grit my teeth and think - I can clean up my baby’s poop.  I can scoop litter.  I can bag a dog’s poop on a dog walk - but I will NOT deal with it in the house.  I was just gone an hour.

In defense of my dog - I might add - that she only had a few minutes to poop.  I had not made time to “walk” her on this particular morning, just the night before.  I had only let her out in the front yard for a few moments.  I recalled the time when my Mom would complain when I was a child and needed to go to the bathroom at some untimely moment - why didn’t you go when you had the chance, she’d ask?  Well, Mom, I didn’t have to go then. 

Today was easy related to the dog and cats.  There was no walk.  There were no issues, because I worked from home.  I thought I’d go to the office.  I had a babysitter scheduled.  I was supposed to be a day of handling a lot of marketing work.  I am excited about the front door wreath bird’s nest on this day - as there are new babies today - perfect for the approaching Mother’s Day.  I try to take a photo of this exciting moment - but a glass light fixture drops from the SKY, or the kitchen ceiling and shatters into a lot of pieces, down to dust all over the kitchen.  An hour and a half later - I’m taking a phone call from a contractor who has a client issue and a computer problem.  I try to resolve the situation by phone, but suggest she comes here.  I end up with four computers, in my kitchen and living area - all working at once.  I did not even sit down while I solved problems during the day.  Twelve hours later, I think I’ve resolved that issue - and all related issues that came up.  One problem, one phone call - 12 hours!  Where did my day go?  I got nothing done that I intended to get done. 

So, sometimes being a Mom is cleaning up a LOT of messes.  Often, as a business owner, this only compounds the fixing process every day.  So in addition to cleaning up glass that worked itself into many crevices in the kitchen, I fixed a garage door opener without any guidance, restored a computer file or part of it, and solved the contractor’s issues.  I fixed a client problem, I think.  While all this was happening, I entertained my child. I worked around her short 30 minute naps, read to her, moved her around from swing to bouncy chair to floor to tummy time, and back again - worked with her sitting up - took joy in watching her sit up and read a book - dealt with not having a babysitter ’cause she had car problems, and yet even fixed dinner for a friend and myself (ravioli & chicken).

While I guided my contractor through the problems on the computer and the client’s issues, I fed my girl rice cereal and reveled in seeing her take her fingers and run it through her mouth to see what it felt like with all that food in her mouth.  I watched her run them across many surfaces including herself.  I later breastfeed.  I got her to bed - early - only to have a friend arrive to try to fix the garage door, which I has just figured out on my own.  I got Melina back up, as I knew I’d need to fix my friend dinner since he was trying to help me.  This ended up getting Melina to bed around 9 pm, which is way too late for a baby, making her crankier than usual.   Back to the computer and trying to fix my client/contractor issues - re-running reports - and all of a sudden it’s 11:30 by the time I can breathe or do something for myself.  Heaven forbid I want to have a phone call, or get stuck on the phone.  Cleaning tonight - well something else had to sacrificed since I worked instead.

I did not do laundry today.  I did not walk around the neighborhood today.  I  did not finish my marketing presentation or get to the 12 emails from my Dad regarding a client.  I did not check in with them at all, as I should have.  I did not clean the kitchen after tonight’s dinner.  I simply worked 12 hours, and took care of my child with joy.  Considering the news headlines these days, of other children who were abandoned, left to run in the streets with a saturated diaper, thrown from a car in Florida, and tossed into an oven over a boyfriend/girlfriend argument - I’d say our lives are great - we are together and we are happy.  Admittedly, humorously, Mommy’s tired and found a grey hair in her eyebrow at the age of 40.  I think I look like a 90-year old woman when I wake up for the fifth time some mornings - but we are happy being together, being present, and being healthy.  And if you wonder why I still make time for a blog once a week - well, sometimes it’s the only fun thing I do on my computer, and I need that - a release of some kind. 

Now, it’s time to retire for the night. 

1st May 2009

Life without TV (ABC’s Private Practice) Could Be A Good Thing 2 replies

Most of you know that I’ve been through four years of fertility treatments that ended on April 1, 2008 with a phone call that said, “You are definitely pregnant”.  I’m happy to say I have a wonderful 5-month old baby girl now who lights up my day. 

I chose to embark on this fertility journey as a single, 40 year old female technology business owner, guest lecturer (taught course for two years) at OSU, and a public speaker on the speaker’s circuit for over 8 years.  I’ve travelled to a number of countries with others, but mostly by myself to speak on various topics related to marketing yourself and your company on the Web.  I’ve seen a lot of amazing things, done some crazy things, like going to Antarctica to see penguins by myself, ya know, the normal things we want to do in life, right?  But never has spring been so enjoyable as this year.  It’s amazing how crazy life is, but when you have this child in your arms, how much better you want it to be with her in it?  You want to do better things, contribute more, keep your center, and focus on what’s really important in life? 

When you have a daughter to share the joys of life with - then it’s just simply amazing how you can keep your focus when times are difficult when you know she is the reason you keep on truckin’! 


Melina (5 Months Old) Last Friday, the 24th - having giggles with Kim, friend of mine

So that’s why I have to write about tonight’s Private Practice Season Finale episode regarding Amy Brinneman who plays Violet.  Catching a TV show as a new mom, single working mom, business owner, is hard to do before 10 p.m.  You’re putting the baby to bed before then, and by the time 10 p.m. rolls around, you are simply exhausted.  You consider cleaning, doing laundry, working some more, but occasionally you just want to veg out in front of the TV, and think of nothing really all that important for one hour.  You might want to be entertained by TV, inspired, let down, stirred up, but the question I ask is do you want to be grossed out?  Do you want to be disgusted by what you see at that hour?  And, in recent weeks, I have on more than one occasion felt disgusted by what I’ve seen on 10:00 TV.  CSI Miami, The Medium and tonight’s ending season episode of Private Practice seem to be getting worse in terms of the “gross” factor.  I expect in a late night drama some suspense, silliness, good acting, tears on occasion, whatever.  But what I don’t like is wierd story lines that don’t have any impact other than to gross you out.  Sounds like I grew up in the 1980’s, doesn’t it? 

I can no longer watch CSI Miami.  I have begun to wean myself off of Medium, due to last couple of episodes.  And now, Private Practice needs to be banned personally.  Perhaps it’s because I just wasted an hour of watching a single, intelligent, pregnant woman Brinneman/Violet lay flat on her back (which as pregnant women we can’t do because it would harm the baby) for hours, and try to talk her “killer” out of killing her and her baby.  She gets a bloody nose smashed in face a bit, and her patient begins to “cut” her belly, and Violet actually has to tell her how to cut her so she doesn’t injure the baby, even though she knows she will die?  The “killer” paralyzes Amy Brinneman’s character, “Violet”, so she can’t move, so she has to just “lay there” while someone takes her baby out of her very pregnant belly.  Yuck. 

All I can say is that can’t networks do better than this?  I can’t watch LOST anymore because I can’t follow it.  Anytime you need captions to figure out what the hell is going on - that’s a good time to turn it off.  If I wanted to view captions on TV, I’d rent a foreign flick on PPV cable.  Any mom I noted on Twitter.com tonight re Private Practice was saying the following, “deeply disturbed”, “disgusted”, “WTF”, “sick”.  Now, is that what ABC’s writers want?  Is that the goal?

Do we want to sit in front of the TV and be disgusted, sickened, aghast, and deeply disturbed?  Apparently.  That’s what’s wrong with our society, right?  I mean, as if the World News isn’t all of these things already?  Swine flu, unemployment, people starving, trying to get a job, keep their families safe and healthy, but why do we choose to watch such crappy stuff late at night?  And don’t we already have sleep disorders?  I do.  I am up at 1:40 a.m. blogging and Twittering about being disturbed about something so that I don’t dream about it tonight.

We need positive light on our life.  We need to do good.  We need to not sink further down into misery and gloom.  Misery begets misery - haven’t you heard that?  As a marketer, I often have to write about the good things - in fact, I search for the good things.  I encourage ABC, NBC & CBS to search for something good to write about - don’t you know how to be creative enough to write something positive and yet be good drama?  And as Americans caught up in the passion of the moment - we need to get excited about something positive, not disgusting as a pregnant woman ready to be cut up by her possible killer as she lay there, helpless, while her dysfunctional men fight over her but none have yet rescued her.

Perhaps, it’s because I’ve been a victim at one point in my life.  Perhaps it’s because I’ve chosen to fight back.  Perhaps it’s because I choose a positive outlook over adversity, or something horrible.  I chose to create life.  I choose as a result, not to watch a TV show where life is taken away as good drama.  Life is death, but there is no reason to see a show where death is sinister, and the norm in every show.  Blood and gore does not need to be what encourages my REM sleep that night.

I choose to hug my child, to love, to laugh, to endure, to lead …. to inspire …. to believe in something better.  ABC, do something better with your writing next season.   If I want to watch blood, gore or “corpse porn” as an NPR commentator said recently, I’ll choose “CSI”.

22nd April 2009

Earth Day - A Look at How We Could Learn from Birds & Their Ability to Reduce, Reuse & Recycle

I’ve always had a thing for wild birds - not in my house - but outside, feeding from a birdfeeder hanging from a tree.  I love to listen to the sounds on dog walks - I can identify most birds by hearing them, before I see them.  The benefits of not walking with an iPod while walking the dog over the years. 

My favorite bird?  A goldfinch?  Why?  Two reasons:  they eat upside down (or can), and they have a cool flight pattern - if you watch them in the skies they look like they’re on a roller coaster, and as they come down the “hill” in the roller coaster, they sound like they’re giggling.  Watch and listen for these finches, or better yet, hang a goldfinch feeder in your yard, and get some neijer seed and they’ll be attracted to your yard.


From http://www.iwrc-online.org/kids/Facts/Birds/goldfinch2.htm

So, while goldfinches are my absolute favorite birds, I like to feed wild birds including cardinals, robins, any finch, and any bird of color that adds some life to my yard.  I plant wild flowers and perennials to attract birds.  On occasion, I have had a bird nest in my yard, in a hanging plant.  This year, however, I have a bird nesting in a rather unusual place.  She is nesting in a forsythia wreath hanging on my front screen door. 

Last week, on the morning Mom & Dad left, I noted something looked a bit odd on my screen door.  From my vantage point from within the house, I could see something looked different on the wreath.  I just couldn’t determine why.  I continued to stare at it while I talked on the phone with someone.  But then all of a sudden, two birds came up and landed in the wreath.  I realized they were building a nest. 

Excited, I went up to the nest after they flew away.  I looked at the ingredients of the nest and was excited to see Bentley’s cat hair hanging off the nest in a glob of fur.  I saw human hair neatly stitched into the nest in what seemed specific places.  I saw different types of bush material woven into the nest, including some prickly stuff - thought that was kinda cool - which might be thistle?  The nest got thicker and deeper in the next several days (they take about 8 days to build a nest). 

http://www.shawcreekbirdsupply.com/american_goldfinch_info.htm - Nest building
The female builds the nest in late summer up to 30 feet off the ground in the terminal branches of a bush or tree. Nest building occurs in 10 to 40 minute spurts, during which material is brought to the site and laid down. There may be periods of hours or days when nothing is added. The average interval between the start of the nest and the laying of the first egg is eight days.The female strips fibers from dead trees, weeds, and vines and utilizes catkins as well as grass to construct the outer shell of the nest. She sometimes dismantles the nests of other birds to use the materials in her own nest. She reinforces the rim of the nest with bark bound by sticky spider silk and caterpillar webs. The nest is lined with plant down from thistles, milkweed, and cattails.The male often accompanies the female on flights for nesting materials. He may carry some materials back, but leaves the actual construction of the nest to the female. He perches nearby, singing and calling to his mate. At the first sign of danger the male or female will whistle sweet or call bearbee, bearbee, bee, bearbee.

And she began to sleep on the nest at night, which means I guess that she has laid her eggs.  They incubate for 10-14 days, depending on the source you consult on the Web….

The only concern I have about this, is that it’s the front door, and I have a dog I let out that way.  We’ve tried to limit our entrances and exits, and know we’ll soon need to curtail all exits that way.  Babies should arrive in less than two weeks, according to what I’ve read tonight.

I began talking to the mailman about birds’ nests and he said he collected them.  He was always amazed to see the materials they’d find laying around, trash, cigarette butts, hair, plant materials - and how they stitched it into the nest.  I’ve always respected a bird’s ability to survive cold winters here in Ohio, as little as they are, but they really do have a lot we can learn from.  While they suffer from our abuse of the planet, they really have the reduce, reuse and recycle concept down well.

Reduce - they have small humble abodes for their young

Reuse - they reuse things laying around in nature, whether they’re supposed to be there or not (trash NOT)

Recycle - without fancy chemical recycling plants, they recycle plant material, trash material, human & animal material for integration within their homes

I’ll work to post some pictures of my bird nest in the wreath - but here are some photos of other goldfinch nests found on the Web tonight.

By the way, baby wild birds need to eat every 15 to 20 minutes during daylight.  Okay, so feeding Melina in the first eight weeks every 1-2 hours seems like nothing, huh?

Want to attract the American Goldfinch to your yard?  Here are some tips on what goldfinches look for:

http://www.wildbirdsforever.com/goldfnch.html - reference to how they build their nests, usually near water and food, and that they create a bowl like nest, with plant as the base material

http://www.iwrc-online.org/kids/Facts/Birds/goldfinch2.htm - very nice reference - talks about being near thistle - which is what I think I saw in the plant nest - nest in forked branches - like my forsythia wreath - it has forked branches in it (albeit fake).

http://www.audubon.org/bird/boa/F15_G8a.html

So on Earth Day, don’t forget to take your recycling in, reuse something, and reduce your intake of plastic.  Take a walk and listen to the birds sing, nest and feed.  And enjoy this beautiful Earth we live on - and take care of her.  I think it’s only fitting that last year, I blogged for ten months about a fertility journey.  It’s great to know, that after having Melina in November, that the fertility journey continues around me - right at my front door.  I think that’s good karma. 

13th April 2009

Spending Easter with the Thieme Family 3 replies

Mom and Dad came out to meet Melina and spend Easter weekend here in Columbus.  Melina was captivated by Mom - lots of staring took place, then smiles, then holding - it was all good.  Mom shared a very nice part of her childhood with Melina - an old ring, bracelet and locket that Mom wore as a baby girl. 


Granny (My Mom), Mommy (Me), and Melina checking out that cute little bracelet of Granny’s

It was a neat moment between three generations of Thieme Women.  Mom looks great at 65, doesn’t she????


Mom in front of her baby photos where she was wearing baby locket, bracelet and ring
A Southern Belle!

On Easter Sunday, we all went to Mass at St. Joseph’s Cathedral downtown.  I said a prayer for Melina’s twin that was considered a “vanishing twin”, and the child I chose not to have at the age of 21.  I thanked God for the gift of life, and for giving me Melina.  I do not forget that I could be a mother to three children.  A woman came up and showed me her photo of her niece - saying how Melina was so pretty and how she resembled her niece.


Pretty in Pink & White - Easter Sunday after Mass

First time in a dress - wow - dressing her up - wonderful moment, with Mom’s help - very nice to share this with Mom & Dad.


PaPa Thieme - Dad shared time with Melina

Melina got her first storytelling session from PaPa (Don) Thieme, and lots of photography sessions with PaPa Thieme behind the camera.  More photos to come soon.

It was a good weekend.  Mom organized my laundry room and kitchen like only she could.  Dad bought an organizer for the laundry room, and bar-b-qued chicken Saturday night.  Mom made a ham on Sunday.  The left lots of goodies to eat this week so it would be easier on me while working.

The biggest challenge - getting Melina to sleep in the crib without her current attachment - the car seat - yes, not a lot of fun.  She sleeps better in this car seat, and doesn’t go to sleep on her back for long. 

Well, I have work to do before I fall fast asleep.